How far does your teenager have to walk to school?

[Forgetmenot82]

DS14 hates walking to school - it's approx 0.9 miles. I still have to take my other dc to Primary School by car. I have in the past taken my son a slightly to school by car before my daughter but its a bit out of the way and get stock behind school buses etc...so I've started to say my ds has to walk now. Am I being a hit mean not taking him? Anyway I'm just wondering how far do your dc walk to school or do you drive them when they could easily walk?

Our secondary school is over 7 miles away so none of them walk. I feel as though it makes the kids a wee bit lazy and entitled to be honest! Although I guess we chose where to live..

My dd gets upset if she's late because of him which has happened in the past when I have taken him because he's so slow getting out the door.

Can you not just say that you and DD will be leaving at X time so he can have a lift if he's ready to walk out the door at that time. Otherwise, just leave.

He has mentioned that he worries about being knocked down. He does suffer from ocd and obsessive thinking, we are on waiting list for camhs. However, I just feel I'm not helping him by taking him, although the other part of me thinks am I just being mean if I COULD take him.

With this and your other updates, he’s obviously got a lot going on with his ocd and anxiety. Although you said it could be classed as an avoidance behaviour and he should be exposed to his triggers, usually cbt recommends that exposure should be done gradually. Its possible making him walk to school is too much for him at the moment which can actually increase anxiety and make things worse. It’s rubbish that kids have to wait so long for help from mental health services as parents really don’t know what to do for the best and OCD is a complicated condition.

Honestly, for now I would take him to school until you get some help. And plenty of children get a lift to school, so it’s not like you’re doing something strange to help him cope, which can happen when supporting someone with ocd and anxiety.

The NHS isn’t always great for people needing help for anxiety issues. Is there any chance you could afford any treatment privately?

About 1.5 miles (25 minutes)

I see a lot of kids walking the same route so it's totally normal here.

OP your son can walk that short distance. It is good for him.

From the age of 11 I walked over a mile to the station, took two trains and walked a mile the other end. Reversed at night. I didn’t ever get a lift. I didn’t have a mobile phone - they were a long way from being invented - I survived.

About 80 yards to the school bus pick up point as we are in a village. However, if she misses that, she has to leg it at high speed up to the other end of the village, about 0.5miles, to stand a chance of catching the service bus. If she misses that, she's going to be late for school on the next service bus an hour later or she has to hope either me or her dad are WFH and can take her. We don't often so she has been late before.

When DD is a teenager she'll be at a school 2 miles away. She'll be walking (well, cycling most of the year, walking in winter).

If your DS has anxiety about traffic etc. then I would suggest going for walks on weekends or whenever you both have time and getting him used to walking on busy roads, make him take the lead in picking safe crossing spots and deciding when its safe to cross etc. Build up his confidence first and then he can walk (perhaps first dropping him off half way and then increasing until he's walking the whole route himself).

Only as far as the bus stop about 300 yards.

1.5 miles. Unfortunately it's uphill for some of it and quite steep in parts

No teenager children but I used to walk the same distance as your son every day from year 7- 6th form apart from occasional days of get the bus if it was raining or my mum would pick me up if she was on an early shift but that was rare. It’s really not far is it, 20 minutes walking max. He should be able to do that at 14 without fuss and it’s not fair to delay your other child just because he can’t pull himself together on a morning or doesn’t want to walk.

I do think that, in some cases, anxiety/worrying can stem from not really knowing what you're capable of or how to cope if something goes wrong. So we talked a lot about various scenarios and what to do if they arise ie. DS has to cross a trainline to get to school and that it's better to be a bit late for school than dash across the level crossing when the barriers are coming down etc. Traffic is a legitimate worry so he always leaves 5 minutes early so he has plenty of time to cross roads in his own time. Also, there's no need to restrict yourself to walking with kids who are in your year - he might walk with some from other years too.

Less than a mile is nothing, my DC’s primary is 1.6 miles away so I regularly walk over 3 miles there and back. My eldest is starting secondary in September and it’s 2.5 miles away so he’ll be getting the bus because it’s an hours walk. I’m guessing your DS’s walk home is no more than 20 mins. He’s being lazy. I see lots of secondary school kids cycling home, maybe he should do this?

If they catch the bus it’s a 1.3km walk to the bus stop. Ds 2 gets a lift to school as it’s on the way to work but will catch the bus home. Ds1 drives to school now. He’s 17

I wish some posters would read OPs updated posts. Her son has OCD and anxiety.

Mine walked 2 miles to school, then upper school was 3.4 miles so dd cycled

This is a good listen about the not so well known sides of OCD and how it can be obsessive over intrusive thoughts for example:

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m000vgh2

My DCs walk 1.3 miles to school. They very occasionally get a lift if the weather is really bad.

@KaleSlayer

He has mentioned that he worries about being knocked down. He does suffer from ocd and obsessive thinking, we are on waiting list for camhs. However, I just feel I'm not helping him by taking him, although the other part of me thinks am I just being mean if I COULD take him.

With this and your other updates, he’s obviously got a lot going on with his ocd and anxiety. Although you said it could be classed as an avoidance behaviour and he should be exposed to his triggers, usually cbt recommends that exposure should be done gradually. Its possible making him walk to school is too much for him at the moment which can actually increase anxiety and make things worse. It’s rubbish that kids have to wait so long for help from mental health services as parents really don’t know what to do for the best and OCD is a complicated condition.

Honestly, for now I would take him to school until you get some help. And plenty of children get a lift to school, so it’s not like you’re doing something strange to help him cope, which can happen when supporting someone with ocd and anxiety.

The NHS isn’t always great for people needing help for anxiety issues. Is there any chance you could afford any treatment privately?

Thanks. We are on the waiting list now, we have been refused 2 other times before this so that's something. We have paid privately once when he was 11 and recently too.

[quote MiddleClassProblem]This is a good listen about the not so well known sides of OCD and how it can be obsessive over intrusive thoughts for example:

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m000vgh2[/quote]
Thank you, I'll take a look :-)people have been so kind on this thread.

Thanks. We are on the waiting list now, we have been refused 2 other times before this so that's something. We have paid privately once when he was 11 and recently too.

I really hope he gets the help he needs. I have a friend with a child struggling with ocd and anxiety so I know a little of how hard it is for the whole family. It’s difficult to get the right balance of not letting them avoid everything but giving support and obviously when it’s your children, you just want to make everything ok for them. I really feel for you. 💐

[quote MiddleClassProblem]This is a good listen about the not so well known sides of OCD and how it can be obsessive over intrusive thoughts for example:

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m000vgh2[/quote]
This was really interesting. I can relate to this alot. My son has very similar thoughts to the man who was worried about getting aids. I can also relate unfortunately:-(

@KaleSlayer

Thanks. We are on the waiting list now, we have been refused 2 other times before this so that's something. We have paid privately once when he was 11 and recently too.

I really hope he gets the help he needs. I have a friend with a child struggling with ocd and anxiety so I know a little of how hard it is for the whole family. It’s difficult to get the right balance of not letting them avoid everything but giving support and obviously when it’s your children, you just want to make everything ok for them. I really feel for you. 💐

Thank you it's very hard for all of us and my ds. I have given him a lot of help and we have paid privately but I honestly think he needs some medication as well and only camhs can consider this.

Does he have friends to walk with? My school gave free bus passes to kids if they lived over three miles away. I only just qualified, but my friend who lived around the corner didn't. We walked to school and back together for years.

.9 of a mile is nothing. It's good for him to wake up & get a bit of fresh air/exercise.
It's Spring,daylight. There's NO reason he'll get run over if he's behaving sensibly. I really think you'll do more harm than good by giving him a lift

It's 15 minutes walking by himself, not hours.

@AlmostSummer21

.9 of a mile is nothing. It's good for him to wake up & get a bit of fresh air/exercise. It's Spring,daylight. There's NO reason he'll get run over if he's behaving sensibly. I really think you'll do more harm than good by giving him a lift

It's 15 minutes walking by himself, not hours.

I know, he's very sensible, it's the thoughts he gets, he gets worried cars are going to knock him over or mount the pavemen. I get what you're saying though.