How far does your teenager have to walk to school?

[Forgetmenot82]

DS14 hates walking to school - it's approx 0.9 miles. I still have to take my other dc to Primary School by car. I have in the past taken my son a slightly to school by car before my daughter but its a bit out of the way and get stock behind school buses etc...so I've started to say my ds has to walk now. Am I being a hit mean not taking him? Anyway I'm just wondering how far do your dc walk to school or do you drive them when they could easily walk?

walks 2 miles to school and 2 miles back again, regardless of the weather. I think it's good for them.

Ah, cross posted. I’m not sure I agree that you taking him is not going to help tbh. I can’t imagine he’ll want to be dropped off by his mum for the rest of his school days but he’s obviously going through a bit of anxiety and it might help break the cycle if you drove him for a few weeks.

I think the stresses of the past year are showing in lots of people in different ways and even things we generally think teen dc should be able to manage might feel overwhelming to them. Even I’m not a child you know!! teens sometimes still need to feel mum’s got their back. I wouldn’t just say no when you are able to juggle things to do it.

@mungo8

walks 2 miles to school and 2 miles back again, regardless of the weather. I think it's good for them.

Good for fitness, less cars on the road. Makes them more street wise. These were my thoughts

Ds2 walks 1.1 miles as did Ds1. Ds1 had to walk home in pouring rain because I was miles away in the other direction collecting Ds2 from primary school.

1 mile walk to school is nothing. If he has anxiety about being knocked down crossing the road then he needs more teaching in how to cross safely. I don't think avoiding something is a good solution, he needs to learn coping skills so he can deal with his worries.

@TheMethodicalMeerkat

Ah, cross posted. I’m not sure I agree that you taking him is not going to help tbh. I can’t imagine he’ll want to be dropped off by his mum for the rest of his school days but he’s obviously going through a bit of anxiety and it might help break the cycle if you drove him for a few weeks.

I think the stresses of the past year are showing in lots of people in different ways and even things we generally think teen dc should be able to manage might feel overwhelming to them. Even I’m not a child you know!! teens sometimes still need to feel mum’s got their back. I wouldn’t just say no when you are able to juggle things to do it.

I get what your saying, I've taken him on and off ever since year 7. Maybe I will compromise and say if he can be ready at 8.20 then I've got time to take him before dropping dd so then she won't be late, if not he has has walk. I think I've been going for a bit of tough love lately as I can be pretty soft!

If he has anxiety issues, maybe you could start with him walking one day a week, then increase it to two etc and slowly build up to him walking every day?

I have 2 dc at different schools. Pre pandemic they walked to and from bus stop/school, about 15 -20 mins each way.

To minimise risk of needing to isolate, we didn't renew bus place for DC1 and drive them instead. Going past DC2 school so they get a lift now too.

I used to be fairly tough on my DC but I am much more likely to do small things that make their life easier now, whilst they rebuild resilience after a tough year. If I was OP I would try to give both kids a lift without making anyone late. Maybe DS gets a lift part way and dropped where it is convenient all round?

It’s about a mile. I’m grateful they have the walk as it’s 20 minutes of exercise twice a day. They never get a lift unless they’re injured or something.

@edwinbear

If he has anxiety issues, maybe you could start with him walking one day a week, then increase it to two etc and slowly build up to him walking every day?

That's a good idea! 👍

When I first moved in with DP, DSS was in early high school and DP would drive him in if he was off work, or if he was in work, he would drop DSS off at his mum's (DP's mum's) house on his way to work, which would have to be at 6.30 in the morning.

The journey to school is 1.4 miles, and mostly consists of one long road (which you can take a bus down if you really want to).

Soon after I moved in, DSS started dropping hints that perhaps I could drive him to school when DP was working, so that he didn't have to get up at 5.30 to go to his grandparents'. I said that's fine, as he wasn't often working earlies anyway.

From the first time I did it, I realised how utterly ridiculous it was. The long road leading to the school was very slow moving in the morning/pick up times due to also having a primary school at either end of it, and the kids who walked to school could almost keep pace with the cars on the road. Then parking was a nightmare at the school, and obviously I'd then have to fight the traffic to get out again and back home.

I lasted one day of this and said to DP why have you been doing this for so long? It's ridiculous. He has friends he can walk with, or if he really wants to, he can get a bus. It's so stupid to sit in traffic for the best part of half an hour twice a day to do such a short journey.

DSS hated me from that moment on - just because I call him out on his lazy behaviour.

My DD, aged 10 and in year 5, walks or cycles just over a mile to and from school every day. I don't drive. I've offered for her to get the bus instead, she's not interested. Obviously in appalling weather she would but otherwise, she's really happy getting there under her own steam. I think starting the day with a bit of exercise and independence is a positive thing and does kids good.

My DS's primary is 1.2 miles each way. Had to walk every day from reception (I have epilepsy so can't drive).

On secondary open days he fell in love with an out of catchment school 10 miles away. I didn't think he'd get in but he did. It's 5 mins from our house to the train station, 15 mins on the train then a 10 min walk at the other end.

My DS can be anxious too....I did the journey with him (both directions) every day of the first half term in Y7. Practised crossings etc. I was very insistent that no headphones were worn on the walks and his phone stayed in his inside pocket. Next I'd follow from a distance and sit in a different train carriage. Then by Christmas he asked me to stop, he was ready and felt confident by himself.

To he credit, he never missed the train due to getting up late. It probably helped that his school was strict and I'd taught him to always get the train before the one he needed to. From memory I think I had to put him in a taxi two or three times when the trains weren't running.

I think it really helped that my DS knew there was no other choice. He knew I couldn't afford a taxi every day (single parent) and no option of being driven.

From the sound of it your DS is hoping if he moans enough then you'll back down. Would it help to offer a lift on one set day a week, e.g. on a day that he has to bring in his P.E. kit or has a lot of books to carry home?

Age 7, we walk about the same

@goldierocks

My DS's primary is 1.2 miles each way. Had to walk every day from reception (I have epilepsy so can't drive).

On secondary open days he fell in love with an out of catchment school 10 miles away. I didn't think he'd get in but he did. It's 5 mins from our house to the train station, 15 mins on the train then a 10 min walk at the other end.

My DS can be anxious too....I did the journey with him (both directions) every day of the first half term in Y7. Practised crossings etc. I was very insistent that no headphones were worn on the walks and his phone stayed in his inside pocket. Next I'd follow from a distance and sit in a different train carriage. Then by Christmas he asked me to stop, he was ready and felt confident by himself.

To he credit, he never missed the train due to getting up late. It probably helped that his school was strict and I'd taught him to always get the train before the one he needed to. From memory I think I had to put him in a taxi two or three times when the trains weren't running.

I think it really helped that my DS knew there was no other choice. He knew I couldn't afford a taxi every day (single parent) and no option of being driven.

From the sound of it your DS is hoping if he moans enough then you'll back down. Would it help to offer a lift on one set day a week, e.g. on a day that he has to bring in his P.E. kit or has a lot of books to carry home?

He is genuinely anxious but also yes he is lazy too and this morning he was saying things like yesterday was awful when you made me walk in the rain then I feel guilty. He always walks home everyday as I can't pick him up them as I am collecting my dd. Its the mornings, the days when I have taken him are so stressful because others he's taking too long, can't find his shoes? Forgot what lessons he's got etc etc...then I'd give in a give him a lift so he isn't late but then my dd is upset because she ends up being 5 mins late. I've tried for ages to get him more organised and he just can't seem to get it together which is why I've decided to make him walk..sigh.......

Eldest son (Yr 7) walks in all weathers with a heavy backpack plus whatever else he needs for each day. His school is 1.5 miles away and includes a couple of hills. If it's absolutely pelting down, and if I can, I'll offer a lift but he enjoys the walk really. He is deaf so we were more anxious than him to start with. But my kids have always been in the habit of walking, nursery was just over a mile away, as was primary.

OP has your son been checked over- is there definitely no physical reason he doesn't like the walk? And no you're not being mean, if anything if he CAN walk, you are not doing him any favours by encouraging dependence on you. But can he start small by you parking further away and walking with you to start with, progressing to further away, then meeting you further and further back? It really is not a long distance at all. Could you walk with him?

Do you think he’s getting stressed and hesitating trying to cross busy roads and making himself late? Can he do it ok other times?

DS walks a mile to catch the bus then the school is 4 miles away.

@Forgetmenot82

Maybe it would help if he had friend to walk with, he hasn't found any to walk with in all the time he's been there...but anyway he seems to hate it. He said there's so much traffic etc. On top of this He's so slow in the mornings, can't get himself going at all, quite argumentative even though he's a model pupil in school. My other child doesn't want to end up talking him as it normally makes us late. Am i unreasonable to think he should just get up, get dressed and just get out the door with no arguments? I'm so stressed every morning....

That sounds hard op. My dd goes to grammar a bus ride away. Bus stop is about 4 miles away so we drive here there every am and collect every pm. No buses there etc Bus to school leave at 7.40 so we're out the door by 7.24am every day so she has to be up. If she went to local comp it's a 2 mile walk downhill and same uphill back home. She'd be walking this everyday if she went there that's for certain. I did similar at 12.

1.1 miles for DD1 who has never had a lift to/from school unless it's because we've been to the orthodontist...it seems churlish to not give her a lift when we have to drive the 8 miles to orthodontist.

It's good for her to stretch her legs and have some thinking space between being at home and being at school.

@De88

Eldest son (Yr 7) walks in all weathers with a heavy backpack plus whatever else he needs for each day. His school is 1.5 miles away and includes a couple of hills. If it's absolutely pelting down, and if I can, I'll offer a lift but he enjoys the walk really. He is deaf so we were more anxious than him to start with. But my kids have always been in the habit of walking, nursery was just over a mile away, as was primary.

OP has your son been checked over- is there definitely no physical reason he doesn't like the walk? And no you're not being mean, if anything if he CAN walk, you are not doing him any favours by encouraging dependence on you. But can he start small by you parking further away and walking with you to start with, progressing to further away, then meeting you further and further back? It really is not a long distance at all. Could you walk with him?

I can't walk with him as I have to drive my dd to he Primary which is 5 miles away, she only has one term left. He can definitely walk physically, he has mentioned about the traffic and worried about knocked down, but also I think some of it is laziness, he says his body aches...but he also has obsessive thinking ocd which makes him tired. So then I question whether I should just take him and I'm being unkind

I wonder if you can find any positives for him to latch onto- emphasise the impact of the daily mile walks on his fitness and how it will make him stronger, more able to look after himself, keep himself safe etc?

My 9 yr old DS (yr4) walks by himself to and from school daily. It's just under a mile. I never thought we'd do that but he's been amazing and very responsible. There are only 2 minor rds to cross, rest is alleyways but even so I am astounded as his confidence at 9.

2.5 miles each way for DS12. He knew this would be the case before starting at secondary school and to be honest it's done wonders for his confidence - he meets up with various different friends/has made some new friends and has had to deal with some bad weather but copes well. I occasionally pick him up if he has something after school, but otherwise he sorts himself out.

Are his fears about traffic justified? Is he covering up bullying or even minor harassment on the way or worrying about low grade bullying at school? Or is this all about generalised anxiety?

I would pay attention to this op , as lots of panic and orders start this way. Feel unexpectedly anxious when out somewhere, start panicking, start having a fear of panicking, etc.

Although I do think it is important to face fears and parenting a teen isn't about providing solutions but supporting them to work it out, it can be counterproductive trying to fight the same battle every day without any improved strategies. The anxiety can become circular and build up.

I'd start with a health check, maybe a blood test. Teens can go through a "sloth" weak stage especially if they don't get enough sleep. Is he getting enough exercise generally? How is his diet? Is he growing a lot ATM?

I think in your shoes I'd start by taking him perhaps Mon, Wed and Fris mornings and then build up to him doing more mornings? Presumably he is walking home every afternoon by himself? Does he find that stressful or is that ok?

And I'd maybe take him out for a burger and have a chat with him side by side in the car about how he is feeling generally in himself?

Lockdown has been really hard for teens so he and you have my sympathy. It's not fair on you and his siblings if he makes everyone's mornings unnecessarily stressful though so he needs to understand that too.

My DCs primary is 1.3 miles which we walk to and from every day, they are 5 and 8. I don’t drive though so they’ve been used to having to walk everywhere when my DH isn’t at home. A lot of their friends who live much closer to school go by car.