Feed the birds...

[XingMing]

We have a bird table, DH's pride and joy which he refills twice daily, and happily we get a lot of varied feathered species (plus squirrels) visiting. The collared doves eat, and then shit on the table. Does anyone have any ideas above improving their toilet habits? Otherwise, they are polite and don't frighten the smaller birds.

Line it every day with old newspaper which can be easily removed and replaced? We have several bird feeders and the shit is an unfortunate occupational hazard!

We live in a windswept area, so while it's a sensible idea, the thought of having bird-shit-covered bits of paper whirling around is even less appealing.

This is a wind-up surely? To paraphrase...

Does anyone have any ideas on how to toilet train wild birds?

With fledglings, I generally start them off in nappies. As they progress towards flight, the nappies tend to weigh them down. A water fountain carefully integrated into the bird-bath acts as a bidet. However you do need to adjust the water pressure. Too high and it blasts blue tits, wrens and goldcrests into next door neighbour's garden.

I knew a few would get it!

MyOctopus, I love you! You made me laugh out loud!