Daughter’s skin, what can I do? How do I discuss it without looking like I’m criticising?

[Watermelon222]

Dd16 has pretty bad acne on face and neck and some on back and chest.

We have tried most of the cream treatments, which helped initially, but less so now. She is currently on antibiotic tablets, which I would say are not doing much.

She always seems to get large ones on her face and neck which are very red and inflamed looking. Obviously this is not pleasant for a teen girl.

I am treading on egg shells trying to discuss this with her as I understand it’s a tricky topic. She doesn’t like to speak about it and gets defensive if I bring it up. It must bother her, hence the reaction to me mentioning it, but I can’t do anything about it on my own.

A few months ago the gp mentioned trying the contraceptive pill if 5he antibiotics don’t work but dd is dead against this because of “side effects “.

I feel for her that all of her friends have clear complexions, and if dd tries to put makeup on it gets clogged up around the spots, or looks too heavy or just slides off. I imagine this really bothers her, but I really struggle to address this as she gets very defensive. She tends to not bother with any makeup most of the time, but her face looks very blotchy and inflamed.

It is really starting to become a blight, especially wanting to wear summery clothes but not being able to. And also affecting her self esteem and confidence.

Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

I hear what you are saying @flashylamp I do.

I think that's exactly what OP was conscious of too.

But it seems clear this is a problematic situation for the DD. It surely must be uncomfortable if not painful. There's strong risk of infection, and scarring. And just being happy day to day.

It is great if someone is genuinely not bothered by acne. But that must be really rare. And then that's where the DP need to offer support, sensitively, and recourse to medical professionals.

Cutting out dairy transformed my skin too. Quick and dramatic. Eating live sauerkraut every day is a model's trick.

I probably eat five times as much green veg as anyone I know - (100-200g with every meal). It seems to work, calcium wise - I broke my leg recently and the specialist was stunned at the speed it healed, and the volume of the fill-in bone growth. Keep an eye on vitamin D levels if you try this route.

La Roche Posay effeclair was pretty revolutionary for my spotty 20 odd year old.

Expensive but works ( she had the wash snd sun screen moisturiser).

It’s just a nice thing for a mum to do to buy some skin stuff for their daughter. Bring french it doesn’t say “ for spotty faces “ in big letters like “ clean snd clear “ or similar to either

@Watermelon222 I had acne around that age. My mum's reaction was "well you can't see your own face"... In this scenario I would very kindly suggest that you ask the GP to refer to Dermatology (or offer to pay privately if you can) for proper advice on the options.

I was very sensitive to it being brought into conversation, but that's because I felt embarrassed saying I was upset about my face. It's such a delicate situation and hormones really don't help.

I wouldn't be sure that Clearasil wipes are helping. I've seen a dermatologist on NHS and privately. They told me that putting harsh treatments on the face can aggravate the skin around the spots and lead to types of dermatitis. Benzyl peroxide really damaged my skin when a GP told me to use it.

I still wash my face and moisturise with Dermol 500 lotion after it was recommended by the first dermatologist.

In my mid twenties I took Roaccutane, a very low dose over a long amount of time (as opposed to the usual 4 months) and it cleared a terrible cystic acne. I get a few spots now but nothing major. I had suffered with my skin off and on since aged 10.

As an aside I wouldn't start cutting out food groups without professional advice.

I’m lactose intolerant so consume very little if any dairy, cant say I do anything in particular to get calcium from other sources? I get regular blood tests for an unrelated condition and apparently my bone health is very good, so it must be in something. Can’t say it makes a massive difference to my acne (even as an adult!) but it’s a common recommendation so I’m sure it works for a lot of people.

I have a lot of experience with this and also the heavy scarring that comes with it. I would say that the only thing that helped was the pill. I have PCOS which was diagnosed only after children. From 13 years old I tried every ointment, cream, laser treatment and even Roacutane which was horrendous and it was hormonal. I still suffer now if I’m not pregnant.

It’s horrible for her and I’m sure approaching it is really hard but it’s with good intentions. I had people on the street come and give me advice etc which was really embarrassing and you of course get the very insightful people who tell you to just wash your face properly but you’re coming from a place of concern so no matter how hard it is it will help her. Your poor DD.

Some people can be so horrible. I had “just wash your face properly” and unsolicited advice in the street. So humiliating even if well intentioned. My GP told me to scrub my face with a nail brush and soap! I was daft enough to try it (it made it worse, surprise surprise).

I feel for your DD OP. You are going to need to be so gentle in your approach.

There's 'a few zits' and there's cystic acne.

DS2 has the latter, on his face. Believe me, the co-incidence of him, shy, quiet, not-very-communicative, not-social heading off to Y1 Uni 80 miles away, clutching his first Roaccutane tablets terrified me.

That was Sept last year. He has been home since mid-Dec, though!

I won't pretend it's been amazing or truly transformational; he's still on it, last 'allowable' dose, but his acne is a bloody sight better. He'll be scarred for life, on his cheeks, no doubt about it, but he's actually quite okay about that. Oddly, he's been okay with the scaly skin and falling-off lips, but he says wearing a mask means he doesn't have to worry about it...🤔

But, if you're dealing with cystic acne, I believe Roaccutane is the only way to go.

I should add, DH is very scarred with cystic acne, and botched 'remedial' surgical scars, inflicted in rural Australia in the early 80s, so it's a subject we can talk about!

I’ve recently read about a girl who suffered with terrible acne until she tried a product containing silver. I think it was by Clairol and about £12. Worth a try?

I recently had a serious of burst blood vessels in my nose. Gave me bright red, raised spots. I bought
Waterproof Concealer Cream, Full Coverage Waterproof Makeup, Color Match Promise by Dermaflage, 6g

It covers them, in their bright-redness for 24hrs. They’re used to
Cover tattoos etc. I know this doesn’t solve the issues but I think it would be good to have

I know OP asked for advice, but as an eczema sufferer, nothing is worse than a load of random products chucked at a condition coming from inside your body (in OP's daughter's case, her hormones and in mine, my allergies). At best, products tend to be useless and at worse, irritating and they make the condition worse. Skin conditions need dermatologists, not strangers' advice.

OP, your daughter is 16 and it sounds like she either isn't too fussed about her skin, or more likely, she doesn't want to discuss it with you. This makes sense, because it sounds like you think about her skin quite a lot, and she is trying to get it sorted. She doesn't want the pill, and you absolutely shouldn't push her on that - it's completely her choice!

I'm sure she knows you care, and I know you mean well. Skin conditions are tricky emotionally, and I'm sure a part of your discomfort with her acne is due to you having struggled with it in the past. But again, at 16 she's old enough to go to GP with it if she wants, or not. It's her call.

And please don't leave random products in her bathroom. If she is at all bothered by her skin, that will only make her feel worse as it underlines the fact that it's noticeable and it's bothering you. Just keep supporting her, and maybe don't mention her skin for like... 3 months unless she brings it up? She knows you care, and she knows that you're there if and when she needs!