Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Daughter’s skin, what can I do? How do I discuss it without looking like I’m criticising?

114 replies

Watermelon222 · 09/05/2021 11:52

Dd16 has pretty bad acne on face and neck and some on back and chest.

We have tried most of the cream treatments, which helped initially, but less so now. She is currently on antibiotic tablets, which I would say are not doing much.

She always seems to get large ones on her face and neck which are very red and inflamed looking. Obviously this is not pleasant for a teen girl.

I am treading on egg shells trying to discuss this with her as I understand it’s a tricky topic. She doesn’t like to speak about it and gets defensive if I bring it up. It must bother her, hence the reaction to me mentioning it, but I can’t do anything about it on my own.

A few months ago the gp mentioned trying the contraceptive pill if 5he antibiotics don’t work but dd is dead against this because of “side effects “.

I feel for her that all of her friends have clear complexions, and if dd tries to put makeup on it gets clogged up around the spots, or looks too heavy or just slides off. I imagine this really bothers her, but I really struggle to address this as she gets very defensive. She tends to not bother with any makeup most of the time, but her face looks very blotchy and inflamed.

It is really starting to become a blight, especially wanting to wear summery clothes but not being able to. And also affecting her self esteem and confidence.

Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 09/05/2021 14:46

its not about your skincare routine, its about hormones. If it was about the way you wash your skin, then kids and adults would get it just as bad.

baldafrique · 09/05/2021 14:49

Its hormones and genetics, not a skincare regime or lack of. FFS. And severe acne absolutely requires Isotretinoin before scarring sets in.

flashylamp · 09/05/2021 14:51

What a horrible reply Flashy to a mother just trying to help her DD

Ah. Of course. Silly me.

Keep at it OP Hmm

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Children's health General health Skin conditions
Lollyneenah · 09/05/2021 14:53

My dd suffers with acne but is a bit younger than yours - vitamin c cream from the ordinary and clean pillowcase every day helps the worst of it

Lissy50 · 09/05/2021 14:55

My daughter had really bad acne and it got her really down. She had antibiotics off the doctors, they didn't really work. She was referred to a private skin clinic, they recommended her trying Roactane, they explained she couldn't be pregnant whilst on it so she was advised to go on the pill, 3 weeks in she had stroke like symptoms, ended up in hospital. She consumed a lot of dairy, she stopped having any dairy for a month and her skin improved so much. She still has breakouts but uses Cetaphil cleanser and moisturiser and uses Clinique makeup.

Branleuse · 09/05/2021 15:00

i told my dd that it was completely normal and common to have spots in teenage years and they would likely eventually go away on their own anyway when she was older, but if she wanted to speak to the doctor about them, then we could make an appointment as it is very treatable.

She said she would prefer to get rid of them as they were the worst out of anyone she knew.

It doesnt have to be awkward

dancerdog · 09/05/2021 15:25

My son is currently on Isotretoin, after about 18 months on antibiotics that hardly dented the horrendous back acne he has. I think the pain and discomfort of clothes scratching/catching on breakouts, and high temperatures out of nowhere, bothered him most. I had to start talking about it with him, as he rarely raised it, until we saw how bad it was.

He got an NHS dermatology appointment a few weeks after NHS clinics re-opened. I had investigated a private appt, which would have started at £150, but as the NHS popped up shortly afterwards we went with them.

Either at a pain & discomfort level, or appearance level, I do think your daughter will be affected by the acne. She may be putting on a 'brave' or 'proud - take me as I am' stance. A dermatology appointment would be a good start to getting a resolution.

Also, not meaning to offend anyone, but some levels of acne can be much more debilitating and confidence draining than others. Nice skin washes and cutting out fatty foods does not cure all acnes.

carcarbinks · 09/05/2021 15:43

My DS had really bad acne and didn't want to discuss it but he was secretly trawling the internet for cures. He tried everything he could find (including giving up diary - didn't help at all). He reluctantly agreed to consult the doctor and it has really helped. He's been on a couple of things and is now using Differin which has made a huge difference. The practice nurses at our GP seem to deal with everything skin related and they are very knowledgeable.

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/05/2021 16:16

I took roaccutane at 40, I’d been allergic to cows milk for 13 years by then.

I would urge caution dropping milk in a teenager.

muckypaws · 09/05/2021 16:54

@HollowTalk

Couldn't you find out the name of a really good dermatologist and ask your daughter if she'd like to see a specialist rather than the GP?
Totally agree with this. If it's serious acne, you need a specialist.
EarringsandLipstick · 09/05/2021 17:49

@flashylamp

What a horrible reply Flashy to a mother just trying to help her DD

Ah. Of course. Silly me.

Keep at it OP Hmm

Glad you've realised you're wrong 😌
Seriously79 · 09/05/2021 17:59

I had horrible skin as a teen and into my early 20's it totally ruined my confidence.

The only thing that helped was the pill - dianette. The side effects never entered my mind.

A basic skin care routine would be beneficial, but nothing too astringent.

LentilShanklet · 09/05/2021 18:01

I use tretinoin cream for anti ageing, I buy it online and I absolutely love it.

I had terrible face, back and chest acne as a teen, and I know how soul destroyingly embarrassing it is. My feeling is that she probably doesn't want to discuss it because she's embarrassed.

So, I'd just keep a tube of low concentration tret in the bathroom, and send her links to using it safely. Personally.

5831bob123 · 09/05/2021 18:25

I suffered terribly with bad acne (I'm late 30s and still get my fair share of spots now!). It was difficult especially having friends with clear skin who would moan about having 1 zit or pimple!

Does it upset your daughter? It used to upset me to the point I asked my mum to take me to the doctors.

In my experience the pill had the best results because it controlled the hormones that caused the over production of oil which caused acne.

I haven't got any advice on how to handle this with your daughter but there are certainly medications out there that will work for her.

PoptartPoptart · 09/05/2021 18:31

The wait times for dermatology via an NHS referral is about 3-4 months in my area (outer London)

flashylamp · 09/05/2021 18:40

@EarringsandLipstick

Not wrong at all. As I said in my second post...

One of the best things we can teach our children, girls in particular, is that they have the absolute right over what they do with and what they discuss about their own bodies.

OP does need to leave it alone. I'm sorry if my use of the word 'duck' bothered you, but the pint is the same.

flashylamp · 09/05/2021 18:41

Fuck Blush

ChateauMargaux · 09/05/2021 18:56

If she doesn't want to try a medication with potential side effects, maybe she would look at food.. wheat, dairy and gluten, then try to reintroduce and see what happens. I would also add evening primrose oil, probiotics, magnesium and a decent multivitamin and mineral complex.

GreyGoose1980 · 09/05/2021 19:08

I am sorry to hear this as know how hard acne is to deal with. I had acne that gradually got better and from my thirties still flares up at the time of the month. Although no longer on it , I also found the combined pill treated it much better than antibiotics which didn’t work or really agree with me.

Skincare products aimed at acne or oily skin made it worse. It improved when I started using cream based cleaners for sensitive skin ( the less expensive ones also worked better for me - my current favourite are Garnier natural rose cleansing milk and Nivea cleansing milk for sensitive skin) rather than ones for acne or oily skin with azelaic acid, which just made my skin react to that too / produce more oil.

In my experience diet did not impact it apart from alcohol which (annoyingly for me ) makes it worse.

I would continue to talk to your DD about it. I found it helpful when my mum linked it back to her own experience of acne and said how it made her feel as it then sounded less like a random comment about my appearance if that makes sense!

amylou8 · 09/05/2021 19:08

I had terrible acne as a teenager. I tired the antibiotic lotion, then the antibiotic tablets, then the pill (a specific one supposed to be help). It only really cleared up when I was pregnant at 21 (not a suggested treatment), and was still prone to the odd zit right through my 30s.
DS2 suffered similarly, tried the antibiotics with no affect, and was put on roaccutane by the hospital dermatologist. It was nothing short of miraculous for his acne. He was on it for less than a year and he's completely clear now. It wasn't without its side affects tho, which for him were just annoying. I think for girls they so insist they take the pill due to the affect it has on a developing baby.
It all depends on how much the acne affects your daughter. For me I would have taken a doctors hand off for it at 15, I hated my acne that much.

Suzi888 · 09/05/2021 19:17

Tea tree oil and fresh pillow case every night, keep hair off the face.
I don’t see how it couldn’t bother her either, unless it’s not the painful type. Maybe she’s fed up as nothing seems to work and you keep bringing it up. If she shutdown there isn’t a whole lot you do about it.

Nosugarmonster · 09/05/2021 19:43

You could start by cleaning up her diet- cutting out excess sugar, gluten etc - making sure she drinks enough water and replacing her skincare with a good one for her skin type

4ammusings · 09/05/2021 19:53

I heard that cutting out dairy can help acne. The pill also helped me. However when you come off it after being on it long term it can all come back, sometimes worse than before for a bit. I found this out when I went off the pill to try and get pregnant.

EarringsandLipstick · 09/05/2021 20:43

[quote flashylamp]@EarringsandLipstick

Not wrong at all. As I said in my second post...

One of the best things we can teach our children, girls in particular, is that they have the absolute right over what they do with and what they discuss about their own bodies.

OP does need to leave it alone. I'm sorry if my use of the word 'duck' bothered you, but the pint is the same. [/quote]
It didn't bother me that you said fuck.

It bothered me that you were unnecessarily aggressive to a mother looking for help.

What you said in your quote here is correct. It doesn't make it any less correct for OP to seek ways to help her daughter, sensitively.

A teenager feeling unable to articulate how she feels & discuss something that she's finding hard is not the same as taking ownership over her appearance.

One of the roles of a caring parent is to step in and support where needed.

The situation OP describes is more than a case of a few spots. It's seriously problematic & already prevents OP's DD from wearing the clothes she wants or using make up when she wants.

It's fine to disagree. To post in a nasty fashion is deeply unpleasant.

flashylamp · 09/05/2021 20:50

It's fine to disagree. To post in a nasty fashion is deeply unpleasant.

I didn't mean it to sound nasty. I literally meant for OP to leave her DD the fuck alone. Her DD was defensive and didn't want to talk. OP this trying to force the issue. Leaving her the fuck alone is good advice IMO. Because yes, her DD does have the right to decide whether of not they talk or take any action here and they are at the strange where the DD does not want to.

Swipe left for the next trending thread