Daughter’s skin, what can I do? How do I discuss it without looking like I’m criticising?

[Watermelon222]

Dd16 has pretty bad acne on face and neck and some on back and chest.

We have tried most of the cream treatments, which helped initially, but less so now. She is currently on antibiotic tablets, which I would say are not doing much.

She always seems to get large ones on her face and neck which are very red and inflamed looking. Obviously this is not pleasant for a teen girl.

I am treading on egg shells trying to discuss this with her as I understand it’s a tricky topic. She doesn’t like to speak about it and gets defensive if I bring it up. It must bother her, hence the reaction to me mentioning it, but I can’t do anything about it on my own.

A few months ago the gp mentioned trying the contraceptive pill if 5he antibiotics don’t work but dd is dead against this because of “side effects “.

I feel for her that all of her friends have clear complexions, and if dd tries to put makeup on it gets clogged up around the spots, or looks too heavy or just slides off. I imagine this really bothers her, but I really struggle to address this as she gets very defensive. She tends to not bother with any makeup most of the time, but her face looks very blotchy and inflamed.

It is really starting to become a blight, especially wanting to wear summery clothes but not being able to. And also affecting her self esteem and confidence.

Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

My son suffered from bad acne. We got a referral to a dermatology clinic and approx 8 months later he had clear skin. He was prescribed roccutaine- which is heavy duty stuff but it worked. In my experience GP's have limited knowledge about skin - you need specialist help. Also do not get sucked into all 'specialist beauty/you tube' advice or quitting dairy. Like a previous poster said approach it as a medical condition. I only wish we had gone sooner.

Has she had topical neoretinoid gels like adapalene gel, OP? These are like a midway treatment between the basic ones and Roccacutane, and work MUCH better than oral or topical antibiotics yet many GPs don't think of them. Adapalene (Differin) takes some time to work but is a lot more effective than topical antibiotic or antibacterial creams.

@Watermelon222

Thanks for all of your useful suggestions.

For those asking who is more bothered, me or her, the answer is I don’t know how she feels as I find it tricky to broach the conversation. My gut feeling is that she is bothered by it massively, but I don’t want to draw attention to it by mentioning it too much. Of course it bothers me, as would anything which could affect their wellbeing or self esteem.

I suffered myself with bad acne, so I still remember being affected badly with self confidence and having limitations on what I was happy to wear. My life was changed by dianette, but that was 30 years ago!

It’s tricky I find being a parent, you want to help but not draw attention to things which may or may not be seen as a big deal.

As far as skincare regime goes, I’m not sure she has one. She uses clearasil wipes daily. Diet is not bad, but could be better. She hasn’t got a sweet tooth like her sister and typically her sister who eats loads of crap and barely washes her face has completely clear skin!

For those who gave up dairy, where did you get your calcium from?

Re: calcium I'm not an expert but I do know leafy green veg is high in calcium, as are oranges. Lots of dairy free stuff is also fortified with it.

Not sure about meat and fish but I'd assume they have it too.

It's worth a try, it's been proven to work for some people though obviously not everyone.

@TheTeenageYears

DD16 has acne and was diagnosed with PCOS. She was prescribed the pill (Dianette) which helped her skin a bit but the breakthrough has been using Epiduo everyday. It's made a huge difference. I think she started using it 3 months ago. She is fastidious with her skin care routine - Cetaphil cleanser and Cerave moisturiser twice a day. Uses a clean dry flannel to dry her face and puts in the wash after each use.

Same here! And she gave up dairy, moving to soya or almond milk. Big improvements.

Wouldn’t start seeking to cut out food groups! Loads of pseudo science around that.

To those suggesting a dermo referral, it can be v difficult to get NHS referrals for anything at all! GPs are ‘gatekeepers’ and resources limited. OP could always try to push. Private appointment will be £200+ per appointment plus costs of any tests (eg for PCOS) and treatments. If could afford it, I’d do that.

There’s a good The Spike column which has some advice from a dermatologist on teenage skin.

I would also say to be careful about the oral antibiotics - I was on erythromycin for a long time as a young woman, which did not do much for my skin, but left me with stomach problems and a near stomach ulcer (it is prescribed also for problems with gut motility, and long term use in healthy people can cause stomach issues. Took a long time for doctors to work out that my acne antibiotic was causing severe stomach pain).

Tretinoid topical creams and liquids didn't work for me either, but a long course of adapalene gel finally did.

Jesus, clearasil AND as wipes.

Yes, look at her skincare routine - what/when/how. I’m absolutely not a shill, but the easiest way to get a handle on that will be the book I said. It doesn’t have to cost a lot with loads of products, or be complicated.

Just changing how she’s looking after her skin (what she’s using on it and how she treats it) may make a huge difference.

I found changing my DD’s pillowcase daily helped.

I had terrible skin at the same age. Contraceptive pill did totally cure it but I'm wondering now whether salicylic acid products or cutting out gluten and dairy and trying prebiotics may have helped. But in the 90s didn't have that information.

Also when I tried to come off the pill when I was 21, my skin came back even worse! So went back on again even though I didn't feel comfortable with it but arguably at 21 starting your career etc, it is even worse to be self conscious of your skin.

At 29 though when I came off the pill and got pregnant, my skin has been pretty normal.

I would respect her wishes not to have it but try and go down all the other routes where possible. Eg buy her the skin products and probiotics and leave them in her room without too much discussion for her to try. Or try and provide meals that are gluten, dairy snd sugar free for a few weeks.

The problem is that acne cause life long scaring.

Don’t cut out food groups without medical advice, especially not multiple ones at once. That’ll cause more harm than good. There’s little scientific evidence to back up the claims around their involvement with acneic skin conditions.

@flashylamp

She doesn’t like to speak about it and gets defensive if I bring it up.

Leave her the fuck alone then.

What a horrible reply Flashy to a mother just trying to help her DD

Couldn't you find out the name of a really good dermatologist and ask your daughter if she'd like to see a specialist rather than the GP?

My daughter had good results with the dermalogica clear start range. It’s not cheap, but not horrendously expensive and it lasts well.

Also using a face cloth to dry her face and then putting it in the wash.

Have a look at Kate McIver skincare. They are based in Chester I think.

Definitely look at diet.
My dniece had terrible acne and was also overweight. She tried the fasting diet ( 18:6) for weight loss. Not only did she lose weight but all her acne disappeared

for you both.

Acne is debilitating to deal with, as it's literally visible all the time.

PLEASE try to convince her to attend a GP appointment and ask for dermatology referral, take all info on everything you've tried.

Roaccutanne (isotretinoin) is the only thing that helps many people, myself included (as an adult). There are side effects, mainly dry skin, need a pregnancy test each time, but also plumped up lips which were a nice side effect!

The sooner she can be on effective treatment the less possibility of permanent scarring.

Good luck!

You'll get defensiveness from a teen but that doesn't mean they don't want help. It's just they find it hard to talk about things they are sensitive about. Don't just leave her alone because she's defensive about it.
You are the parent, you are the one who has access and finances to bring her to the right medical specialists. She has none of that power.
I would pay privately to see a dermatologist.
Just make the appointment. Don't leave it up to her moods to tell you what to do.
Then say to her that you have made an appointment, just to see if this other person would help because there's not point putting up with a skin condition if you don't have to.
In 10 years time when she has scarring on her face will she say 'oh I'm so glad you tiptoed around my feelings that time when I was 16' or will she say 'I'm so glad we went and got that specialist treatment it really helped save my skin'.

I like dairy free smoothies,, with water, a few almonds, frozen berries, honey, oats, banana, sunflower and pumpkin seeds.

There are lots of dairy free foods that contain calcium . Chia pods are healthy snacks too.

Some horrible replies from people! God! You sound very appropriately concerned and not at all pushy.

The Clearasil wipes have got to go.

• lots of water (maybe fancy water bottle from Hydraflask or Chilly’s)
• Glossier did a cleanser and solution which worked wonders for me, maybe a treat from there?
• no squash- I can tell I’ve drank that for a week afterwards
• spearmint tea (not peppermint) has a good effect on many people with bad skin

It’s so hard. I hated my mum discussing it with me, but I needed her help too.

I heard that cod liver oil capsules (vitamin A) and brewer's yeast (vitamin B complex) are great for treating acne. And they certainly won't do any harm.

If your daughter does want to improve her skin, I would definitely recommend asking for a referral to dermatology or alternatively pay for a private referral.
Given its not just facial but on body too, topical treatments aren’t the most efficient to treat.
I did roaccutane in early thirties after years of antibiotics, contraceptive pills and topical treatments. My acne was mild but persistent and enough to make me self conscious, best thing I ever did. It’s important to address it ASAP as if her acne is bad, she could get irreversible scarring.

Take a look at The Clear Skin Diet by Alan C Logan and Valori Treloar.

This book is fascinating busts a lot of myths about skin issues and gives practical advice as to how to discover what’s triggering it.

It helped me to completely clear my horrible acne, and made me feel encouraged that it wouldn’t just come back again as I knew what was causing it for me.

You can find it on Amazon, good luck

I’m quite shocked at the number of people suggesting roaccutane when all the ops daighter has tried is antibiotics. Roaccutane is a last resort because of the side effects. I was incredibly reluctant to let my DS have it and tried epiduo as the final prescription before roaccutane and it worked absolutely brilliantly

My dd has amazing skin. I’ve never encouraged a skincare routine, just water and a tiny bit of moisturise but generally as little as possible of anything as she doesn’t wear make up. Have to say I think most skin routines make things worse for teens