I’m no good at being a girl!

[TryingToKeepSmilingEveryDay]

I need your help! I’ve never worn makeup, I live in jeans and t shirts and my beauty routine is very basic. Can you all give me an idea of what your daily/weekly routines are?

My hair is always flyaway, I’m wondering if I’m missing something that all other women do with their hair.

I never seem to have smooth legs, I miss bits and yet everyone else seems to have such lovely legs in the summer. What is the general consensus for hair removal? Does everyone shave their legs every day??

My forehead is always flaky, no moisturiser seems to help. The only thing that eases it is Vaseline but then I look a bit shiny! Any suggestions?

I really am rubbish with being female, I don’t really care about my hair or dressing nicely. I just wear functional clothes and never go beyond brushing my teeth, washing my face and showering!I feel like now I’m in my 40s I might need some hacks (or just normal beauty routines that I’ve missed) to help me to look presentable and even make me feel brave enough to wear a dress this summer!

If you never did those things then seems like you never wanted to do them.
So why do you want to do them now.
What do you want to achieve with so many changes?

Sorry, I sad that badly, I suppose I was thinking beyond 'presentable': what is presentable to you? How would you know you achieved it beyond absence of body hair?

etc.

Try a bb cream, I have worn foundation for years and on a whim bought a bb cream today to try, I'm amazed! My skin looks smooth, radiant and just way better than with foundation. I'm almost 40 so didn't expect it to be OK for my age, but thought I'd try, glad I did!

None of what you’ve posted means you’re rubbish at being female. Being a woman isn’t about perfect bronzing and smooth legs. Makeup isn’t a priority for lots of people - you’re not unusual in that respect at all.

I wash my face with whatever facewash is on offer at Tesco and moisturise with Nivea. I’m great at being female.

I'd just relax and be yourself. There's no point 'trying' to be something, as it'll become a burden if you're not really interested.

Just focus on being clean and healthy.

Christ, so I let my hair grow and I'm no longer a woman? Never realised

I’m hormonal and feeling like everyone else is better than me at everything! I just want to know whether the perfectly turned out mum on the school run is, in private, spending hours on her grooming routines to look ‘effortlessly’ great or whether everyone knows hacks that have passed me by. That’s all.

None of things are necessary for being female. Or being a 'girl'.

You can wear dresses regardless of what your legs are like.

If you want to do something different with your hair/skin/clothes then there's lots on the style and beauty pages and generally online.

I haven’t worn make up since 2014. I haven’t removed my body hair since 2019.

Where do I hand in my female card?

I'm shit at performing femininity too. Doesn't make me bad at being female

Exfoliating with a body scrub or face scrub helps with flaky skin

You were clearly assigned the wrong sex at birth.

OR you just need to find a way to feel better about yourself. Maybe focus on one thing at first. My nails are always immaculate, the rest of me can look like shite but my nails are great. Find one thing you can easily improve and then find another.
And remember, you are probably being a bit hard on yourself

@TryingToKeepSmilingEveryDay

I’m hormonal and feeling like everyone else is better than me at everything! I just want to know whether the perfectly turned out mum on the school run is, in private, spending hours on her grooming routines to look ‘effortlessly’ great or whether everyone knows hacks that have passed me by. That’s all.

Yes they are. 100%.

To get that perfect hair colour you need to spend minimum four hours at the hair dresser. Every 8-12 weeks.

Roots touched up = Every 6 weeks.
Gel Manicure = 1 hour fortnightly
Pedicure = 1 hour every 4 weeks
Hair cut = 1-2 hours every six weeks
Blow dry = 1 hour every week
Wax = 1 hour every 6 weeks
Gym = 3-5 hours a week
Eyebrows tinted and shaped = 1 hour every 6 weeks
Eyelashes tinted & curled = 1 hour every 6 weeks

Not to mention facials, fake tans, other treatments etc etc

Being a woman doesn't require "caring about your hair or dressing nicely" - many people of both sexes don't care, it's not a requirement of being a woman to care!

However, if you would like to change the way you dress and present yourself, first think about why, and whose perception you're trying to change. Are you dating? Do you want to feel better in your own skin? Be more confident at work?

You say you don't care about grooming and beauty beyond being clean and wearing functional practical clothing - but it sounds like actually, maybe you do? Or is this for someone else's gaze? Is someone negging you on your hair or saying you'd look good in a nice dress? If you don't agree with them and you don't care, just tell them to fuck off!

Oh yea, putting on make up - and taking it off! - every day = 45 mins if you're quick

I don't do all this but I know that the women who look "polished" all the time very much do.

I strongly recommend an epilator for legs. Run it up legs once a fortnight for lovely smooth legs. It stings so I like to have a big glass of wine and watch tv, takes me 20-30 minutes but I'm sure it'd be faster if I concentrated.

It's lovely in summer to slap on a dress when it's warm without caring about hairy legs. I wouldn't care personally if other people had hairy legs but I spend my working days in high vis and a lot of the other mums seem a lot more groomed than me.

Other top tips is keep on top of your eyebrows they frame your face and make a big difference. Paint your toenails if going to be on show.

I just go to the hairdressers and they cut it nicely in a low maintenance style that looks tidy, even if it grows out a bit. They are good.

You're fine how you are! Not rubbish at being a girl- there are loads of women who don't do the stuff.

However I get that will be nice to hear but you're having a bit of a crisis of confidence.

Flakey skin is annoying and can be itchy. I've got sensitive skin and have found over the years that loads of stuff is too harsh for my skin.

Don't read all the face care regimes- all skin is different and if I did all that my skin would yell at be! The thing is to be kind to your skin (not scrub at it if it doesn't like it etc) and find some things it likes.

I used to wash my face when Pg by rubbing a big dollop of moisturiser into it gently, they gently removing with a warm (but admittedly not very soft!) flannel.
Then bunging on some more moisturiser.

I find the unscented aveeno body lotion is something that works for me.

Just try different things really.

I never look put together and I mean I don't really care. I have my own style which is comfy and I feel happy in.

Also some people like DD1 just somehow look smart whatever they're wearing and some people like me just never seem to!

I mean all in all its expensive and work and will take a lot of learning to start doing everything now if you never have before.

A good haircut, dyed brows and lashes, and a good moisturiser mean you spend less effort on the day to day. Try mascara and a BB cream for an easy makeup look (I like Pixi h20 skin tint). Trendy cropped jeans and a nicer tshirt will elevate your look.

Are you happy? You sound absolutely fine. Bit of moisturiser on your dry skin and away you go!

@TryingToKeepSmilingEveryDay

I’m hormonal and feeling like everyone else is better than me at everything! I just want to know whether the perfectly turned out mum on the school run is, in private, spending hours on her grooming routines to look ‘effortlessly’ great or whether everyone knows hacks that have passed me by. That’s all.

Well, that's kind of tricky to answer because I don't know her or how she presents herself.

You might get better answers on the Style forum if you post more specifics of what you want to achieve e.g. how you want your hair to be compared to how it is now.

There's nothing wrong with not wearing makeup or wearing jeans and tshirts.

I have an epilator for my legs. But they dont leave me looking like a beach babe. Just passable hair free so I can go swimming regularly. I don't worry about stubble until the height of summer. A maxi dress means you don't have to worry about legs at all. A midi dress will cover a lot. Navy blue leggings under a shorter matching dress might be an idea, frumpy but probably more effort than you're used to.

I get my hair cut and coloured regularly and then style it with an air styler but it doesn't take long to dry. I got a shorter cut thats easy to manage.

I'm not immaculately turned out. Indeed I tend to live in exercise gear.

I can't advise on skin care as I just wash my face with cold water and rarely wear make up. Doesn't make me less of a woman.

Do you really think in terms of "being bad at being a girl"? I haven't thought of myself as a girl since my early 20s. I don't tend to think of myself as "A Woman" either. I'm just Zen.

It makes me sad to hear that you feel you are not good at being a girl. Being a girl isn't something you can be good or bad at. You just are one.

If you mean you are not good at 'titivating', then that's something you can change if you really want to, but you shouldn't feel obliged to.