I’m no good at being a girl!

[TryingToKeepSmilingEveryDay]

I need your help! I’ve never worn makeup, I live in jeans and t shirts and my beauty routine is very basic. Can you all give me an idea of what your daily/weekly routines are?

My hair is always flyaway, I’m wondering if I’m missing something that all other women do with their hair.

I never seem to have smooth legs, I miss bits and yet everyone else seems to have such lovely legs in the summer. What is the general consensus for hair removal? Does everyone shave their legs every day??

My forehead is always flaky, no moisturiser seems to help. The only thing that eases it is Vaseline but then I look a bit shiny! Any suggestions?

I really am rubbish with being female, I don’t really care about my hair or dressing nicely. I just wear functional clothes and never go beyond brushing my teeth, washing my face and showering!I feel like now I’m in my 40s I might need some hacks (or just normal beauty routines that I’ve missed) to help me to look presentable and even make me feel brave enough to wear a dress this summer!

I think the way you have phrased this question unfortunately will get a lot of comments around feminism and what being female means, when actually it sounds like you just want some beauty tips.

My main tip would be don't use vaseline on your face. Ever. Get a good exfoliator, a cleanser and a moisturiser (not cheap ones from the supermarket - try something like clinique or body shop sensitive/ dry skin products). It WILL help if you do it consistently and use the products as they are meant to be used (exfoliate once a week, cleanse and moisturise morning and night).

If you're interested in beauty generally then just start following some youtube channels, buy magazines like Cosmo etc., you will pick it up fairly quickly.

The problem isn't all of us who don't wear make up, shave daily and have eyebrows and nails done etc.

The problem is a society that makes out that what being a female is.

This is the problem with all this gender stereotypes and encouraging people to identify as a gender.

The actual definition of being female is born with 2 X chromosomes.

And yes before anyone starts I understand sex and gender are different. But I think sex exists because it's innate biology and gender is just a social construct which causes more trouble for some mental health than is needed.

Quick addendum to my previous post, for us with fine flyaway hair, a short choppy cut is not low maintenance! It needs a really good stylist, regular trims, frequent washing if you use product, and a bit of styling at home. I got to the stage during lockdown of just wanting to shave my head.

Thanks everyone, I have my notebook ready to write down all of the suggestions.

By the way, just to add that I have a dh who loves me just the way I am, 2 kids who tell me everyday that I’m the ‘best mum in the whole universe’ so I know I don’t need to change. I just wanted to maybe feel a bit better about my appearance by seeing what simple things I could add to my very basic routines. The suggestions have been great and if I can bear the pain I might try an epilator...are there any gentle versions out there???

1 in 5 adults were reporting depressive symptoms in early 2021 during the Covid peak. I doubt the school gate Mums are all feeling on top of things. Even some of the ultra-glam ones are probably hiding behind their make-up masks and just about holding it together.

I wonder if missing your lovely dog is exacerbating your feelings. Dogs know how to make you realise you are fine, whether you are soigné or sporting the dragged through a hedge backwards look.

I’ve got a Philips one that takes me down to “day after a shave” stubble which doesn’t hurt at all - can also use on underarms

I have this one Philips Ladyshave www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00RJUIYIE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_B3465RKDM1CNCZDE14KH?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Cross-posted with you there, Trying. Good to know you still have that unconditional love going on at home! I'll leave others to provide the beauty tips.

Try these tips:

Shave your legs in the bath not shower. Easier to take your time and not miss bits.
Get a decent exfoliator for face and another for body. That will help with dry skin. Moisturise afterwards.
Book a hair appointment and get a good cut. Colour always looks more polished if you want it.
Book for a brow tint and shape.
Keep your nails trimmed and rub hand cream or cuticle cream into them every day.
Get a few simple pairs of earrings, huggies are nice or simple studs.

I’m pretty low maintenance but I do the above and can wear a dress or add make up when I want to look nicer for a day/night out.

I'm sure you know, being a woman isn't grooming.

On the skincare note - If you have dry skin you cant just wash your face with water and slap on a bit of any moisturiser as it will still be dry. You need to cleanse with a Balm, use an acid exfoliate a few times a week like Paula's Choice BHA, and use something like welda skinfood. You might also like a facial oil. The ordinary have cheap ones. I have dry skin and I spent years when I was younger with it being flakey and so embarrassed. Since I started looking after my skin it looks lovely

@OutwiththeOutCrowd Yes, I think losing my dog has affected me. She had seen me through lots of tough times, she was my companion every day, I was her life really as I was home everyday with her. The way we lost her has also caused me such pain. In the space of a week she went from being ok to being terminally ill, forcing us to have her put to sleep. Being there at the end with her was also very upsetting.

It’s been 4 weeks now but I still miss her. We won’t be having another dog. We are trying to focus on the freedoms we now have and try to see it as a fresh start, trying things that we couldn’t do before, going places and staying overnight instead of getting back for the dog. I’m slowly getting there, but at times I feel overwhelmed and then it makes me feel low about everything. We lost my MIL last year to pancreatic cancer and I think losing our dog to liver cancer also brought back all the grief we had for my MIL too. But, I know that I am still very lucky to have everything and everyone I have so I’m trying to look for the positives.

In the space of a week she went from being ok to being terminally ill, forcing us to have her put to sleep

I feel for you. The same thing happened to our last cat. Apparently fine to gone in a week.

I also don't wear makeup or shave OP. I stopped when I was pregnant a few years ago intending to get a big wax or something right before giving birth. Then when the time came I found I didn't want to, I'd passed the stubbly regrowth phase and decided to just leave it from then on. It took a while for me to feel confident going out in dresses or vest tops, but now I do and I've never ever had so much as a sideways glance for it. When we went into lockdown I decided to cut my hair extrmemly short and again I've been so delighted by the amount of time and faff it's saved me that I'm keeping it like this. A few friends said "wow that's short" when they first saw me but apart from that I've had zero comments or funny looks. What I've realised (a decade later than I should) is that most people don't care what other people look like. Even if you don't like how you look, the best chance is that no one else has even noticed. And even the perfect polished mums will have things about themselves they don't like, sadly. None of us need to feel that way though, we are all perfect exactly as we are. If people enjoy looking a certain way then good on them, but you aren't worse at being a woman then they are because you don't. The only thing required for being a woman is to be born female and age to over 18.

I'm sorry for your losses OP. No wonder you're feeling a bit lost. It's perfectly understandable in your circumstances.

I'm not a make-up junkie either but as a qualified hairdresser, I know how to do my hair and look presentable. On the school run, I tend not to make any effort either unless I'm off out straight afterwards.

However, if you're feeling a bit low, I definitely recommend a nice relaxing body massage in a lovely salon or Spa. Alternatively, maybe some reflexology, that's very soothing too. Is there somewhere fairly local you can book into? If you enjoy the experience, you can always return and book a leg wax, pedicure, fake tan whatever you fancy.

So trying to be helpful:

Epilator for legs.
Cerave moisturiser for face in a big tub which I also use for legs at night and keeps them soft and even looking.
Brows, get these waxed and dyed every 6 weeks it make a huge difference to how together I look.

OP I mean this kindly but the narrative is in your head only you can change it, I would suggest you challenge yourself on the "stories" you tell yourself.

You can wear a dress you just put it on.

I post on the style & beauty page daily so you'd think I'd be "high maintenance" I'm not I shower & mouisturise daily but that's it I might shave my legs in the summer.

If I want to wear make up I will but equally happy without.

I do like clothes as a form of expression and enjoy the process of putting an outfit together but in no way does that make me more of a woman than some of my friends who aren't bothered by clothing in the slightest.

Op, don’t be so hard on yourself.
There are lots of women just like you (me included) - you’re just focusing on the ‘groomed’ type. A lot of us aren’t fussed about being perfectly groomed every time we step out of the door.
I’m sure no one notices your patchy shaved legs - most people are too wrapped up in their own lives.
However, what I would recommend in the short term:
A nice haircut (ask hairdresser for advice re flyaway or look in shops for shampoo/conditioner that targets your hair type).
Neatly file nails and use a hand cream.
Get your flakey forehead sorted (maybe speak to a pharmacist).
Use a facial moisturiser.
That’s it. After that it’s entirely up to you how much time you want to spend on other stuff - there are lots of tips upthread.

Remember though, you’ve had a bit of a harrowing time recently so be kind to yourself