I’m no good at being a girl!

[TryingToKeepSmilingEveryDay]

I need your help! I’ve never worn makeup, I live in jeans and t shirts and my beauty routine is very basic. Can you all give me an idea of what your daily/weekly routines are?

My hair is always flyaway, I’m wondering if I’m missing something that all other women do with their hair.

I never seem to have smooth legs, I miss bits and yet everyone else seems to have such lovely legs in the summer. What is the general consensus for hair removal? Does everyone shave their legs every day??

My forehead is always flaky, no moisturiser seems to help. The only thing that eases it is Vaseline but then I look a bit shiny! Any suggestions?

I really am rubbish with being female, I don’t really care about my hair or dressing nicely. I just wear functional clothes and never go beyond brushing my teeth, washing my face and showering!I feel like now I’m in my 40s I might need some hacks (or just normal beauty routines that I’ve missed) to help me to look presentable and even make me feel brave enough to wear a dress this summer!

Don't change if you don't want to! But some tips below...

Try using an oil on your face. Like jojoba oil. Sounds daft as you'd think it would make your face greasy but it's helped loads with my dry skin as it helps balance your facial oil.

Shaving your legs everyday would be a massive faff! I shave once every 10 days or so. And would definitely wear a dress with a bit of leg hair. I do always moisturise if my legs are out.

If you don't wear makeup but want to enhance your face, you could try getting your eyelashes and eyebrows professionally tinted? And use a bit of tinted moisturiser on your face and tinted lip balm. Minimal effort but would definitely make a difference!

There's no such thing as being good at being a girl!
Just be you, and you're doing fine.
(From a girl who never wear make up, very rarely shaves, lives in boots and all that)
Although there's nothing wrong with make up if that's what you like.
Anyway my very long winded barble is we all rock at being girls whether we wear make up and wear so called "girl clothes" or not.

I have on my fridge a quote from Rose Macaulay: "At the worst, a house unkempt cannot be so distressing as a life unlived." I think the same can probably be said about personal grooming; as long as you're clean I wouldn't worry too much about being perfectly turned out. Enjoy yourself and do something more interesting!

Make up wise; I don't wear it much but I can do a face of Bare minerals in a few minutes. Mineral make up is easy swirl,tap and buff. Bit of lipgloss, can't be bothered with mascara as I always have panda eyes the next day but you can fake it with a bit of eyeliner along the lashline of the upper lid.

For the dry skin I use micro delivery it's an exfoliating face wash by philosophy. Moisturiser by olay the one in the red jar that's often half price in supermarkets :)

You're excellent at being you.

And that's all you need to be.

Fwiw I'm exactly the same. Except the do wear dressed etc in the summer.

People are often unsure how to take me because one day I'll be out in knee length chinos, men's t shirt (I'm tall and prefer length), trainers and baseball cap and the next day a summer dress and sandals!

I dress for comfort 99.9% of the time.

Thanks everyone, great tips. I have always felt like the only one who doesn’t wear make up, but obviously not!! This makes me feel better. I lost my dog recently (liver tumour) and I still have days when I’m really sensitive over things. Maybe I should have stepped away from Mumsnet when feeling low. Thanks for the kind words to those who’ve reached out.

I don't wear makeup
I wear jeans
I only shave my legs when I am going to be wearing a swimming costume.
I am a perfectly competent female.
None of these things define being "a girl".

I have always felt like the only one who doesn’t wear make up, but obviously not!! This makes me feel better. I lost my dog recently (liver tumour) and I still have days when I’m really sensitive over things. Maybe I should have stepped away from Mumsnet when feeling low. Thanks for the kind words to those who’ve reached out

You're already being female, no special trick needed.

As for the other stuff it's all optional.
Mostly I cba with it all but occasionally wear make up, less is more though. Tinted moisturiser applied with fingertips is easy.
I hardly ever shave, just can't be bothered.

Just do you, it's fine if you don't like make up or dresses.

FYI my basic routine is wash and condition hair 2-3 times a week, dry shampoo in between if needed.

Wash face daily with face wash or exfoliating sponge. Sometimes a wipe if I'm being very lazy.

Moisturise with decent but not pricy all purpose cream. Sometimes i don't moisturise for a bit to let my skin breathe.

Very occasionally I will wear make up to work, most days I don't bother. When I do: tinted moisturiser, touch of subtle eyeshadow, sweep of mascara, swish of tinted lipgloss. Bit of concealer under eyes if particularly tired and a teeny dab of blusher if looking pale. Same for going out except maybe sparkly eyes and a second coat of mascara.

Shaving legs I might do if planning to go bare legged but I usually cover them anyway or don't worry about a little bit of fuzz. I avoid swimwear as much as possible but if going on holiday somewhere warm I may have a one-off wax at a salon so I don't have to think about it for the duration.

In winter I just wear thick tights with skirts and dresses.

But mostly I'm in jeans/trousers and tops with my hair pulled back, no make up and furry legs. Still very much female!

Great advice already here especially about the 'being a girl' aspect.

FWIW, if you would like more tips though, here are a few and i wouldn't consider myself very 'girly' - i am a feminist, that doesn't mean you shouldn't care about your appearance but it should give you choice/ freedom. BUT these things do make me feel better and i find i have to do them now i am 40.

Cleanse, tone, moisturise 2 x a day.
Eye cream
Floss teeth every night and use a good whitening toothpaste plus mouthwash 2 x day.
Get eyebrows threaded/waxed once per month (in normal times) Took ten mins. During pandemic, pluck them myself and use a home tint.
Tinted moisturiser, mascara, blusher, powder - good for whole day.
Shave legs/ armpits - every other day
Body lotion when i remember.
Hair - 3 minute miracle, blow dry, use Babyliss big hair every other day

That is basically it.

I'm not a girlie girl so very low maintenance but outwardly fine

If I'm leaving the house. Tinted moisturiser with a cream blush.
I haven't had my roots done since last March so now I've got a ombré which is a bonus.

Only shave legs 2/3 times a week.

Keep brows neat.

I'm guilty of not doing cleanse tone moisturise every day. If I've not worn make up I use witch hazel to clean my face.

I bet you're totally fine as you are

I feel the same! In the past year I've changed into a professional role from a hands-on job where I couldn't have painted nails, hair down etc. Everyone in my new office job looks well put together and I'm just wearing flat black shoes from New Look that I bought about 15 years ago and different plain shirts and trousers every day. I just brush my hair, which I usually get cut 1-2 times a year, and wash my face with water! Outside of work I wear jeans and nerdy t-shirts, and have recently started feeling a bit shitty about how my appearance.

I've started using proper face wash and a moisturiser, and painting my nails. I know I need a new wardrobe so I don't look like a 16 year old on work experience but I literally have no idea where to start.

OP you truly are not "rubbish with being female." You have so much more worth than make-up skills etc.
I'm sorry to hear about your dog. The loss will make everything else feel harder to deal with for a while.

As regards looking presentable:
*I can't help with flyaway hair- haven't mastered that myself yet!

*I can see why flaky skin on your face makes you feel self conscious. Keep trying until you find a moisturiser that works for you. The "fragrance free" or "sensitive skin" ones are best. Could you apply Vaseline before bed, then in the morning wash your face and apply a less shiny cream?
Also, wash your face with a flannel or with a facewash containing bits of apricot kernel, to gently exfoliate.
And as PP suggested, consume oils (especially omega 3s). A tablespoonful of chopped flaxseed per day, or regularly eat walnuts or hemp seeds.

*I never managed to shave my legs with getting painful cuts that turned to big scabs, AND accidentally missing places! And it always took ages.
I now have an epilator which I much prefer. A couple of days ago I epilated my legs for the first time since last summer- luckily mine has an attachment to trim the hair down to a length the epilator can actually manage! Now, if we get a hot day and I want to wear a dress or shorts, I can without any extra effort or feeling self conscious about the dark hair. (I recommend swimming shorts instead of bikini bottoms or a high leg swimming costume if you go to the beach.)

Apart from that, just keep brushing your teeth, washing your face and showering. You've got the important stuff down!
Jeans and t-shirts look better if not wrinkled. Take t-shirts out of the washing machine and hang them up as soon as the cycle finishes. Store them folded or on hangers rather than crumpled into a ball. You probably do this already!
And moisturising all over is a good idea. If it's too much hassle to do it every day, commit to applying it one evening every week.
As PP suggested, plucking eyebrows into a neat shape can make your whole look seem more put-together.

Finally, follow your username and try to keep smiling every day. But never feel that you have to smile for a man, or be smiling every minute of the day!

Wishing you all the best.

None of the things you have spoken about are what "being a girl" is about! Women don't have to shave, wear make up etc.

But I've found you tube make up tutorials to be helpful.

OP sorry about your dog.

Your state of mind has a lot to do with this. When I had pnd and anxiety I felt really self conscious, didn't like doing the school run as I felt out of place and weird etc.

You've had a bad time and taken s knock.

The other piece of advice is to notice/ see everyone. Often people only notice the good looking/ loads of mates/ lovely clothes people.

Remember to look around. They aren't all like that. There will be people who look worn out, who have shoved a hat on to cover their bed head. Women with no makeup, or who are looking self conscious on the side lines and can't wait to get away. Etc etc.

Be kind to yourself.

OP, dont wear any make up, jewellry or do my nails, hair, eyelashes. My legs and armpits have stubble.

I dont even like girly things.

I'm a female, that's enough for me.

Remember to look around. They aren't all like that. There will be people who look worn out, who have shoved a hat on to cover their bed head. Women with no makeup, or who are looking self conscious on the side lines and can't wait to get away. Etc etc

Yes
Not sure what bed head and looking worn out or number of friends has to do on the friendliness scale, but yes, that'd be me!

I think OP was feeling that everyone else was more glam than her rather than anything to do with friendliness unless I misunderstood!

Best thing you can do OP is to get out and exercise, it will help you feel and look better. Also I know that the loss of a pet can be heart wrenching exercises will help your mental heath. I sorry for your loss. Hope you feel better about yourself soon. Take care

Daily:

shower with exfoliating gloves, I moisturise my body with an in shower moisturiser then later top up with sunscreen if necessary. Perfume

I brush/floss/use mouthwash.

I wash my face then apply serum/moisturiser and sunscreen. Makeup is dewy, even skin with good brows and blusher.

I apply serum to my hair if it’s frizzy. I don’t heat style it every day, but I do give it a proper blow dry on wash days which makes the style last! I wash it 2-3 times per week

At night I shower, clean teeth and do my PM skincare routine

I use laser hair removal - god send

• Yes they are. 100%.

To get that perfect hair colour you need to spend minimum four hours at the hair dresser. Every 8-12 weeks.

Roots touched up = Every 6 weeks.
Gel Manicure = 1 hour fortnightly
Pedicure = 1 hour every 4 weeks
Hair cut = 1-2 hours every six weeks
Blow dry = 1 hour every week
Wax = 1 hour every 6 weeks
Gym = 3-5 hours a week
Eyebrows tinted and shaped = 1 hour every 6 weeks
Eyelashes tinted & curled = 1 hour every 6 weeks

Not to mention facials, fake tans, other treatments etc etc*

I disagree with this, this really isn't the case for everyone.

I spend 5 mins morning and night on my skincare routine. 10 mins in the morning on my make up.

I shave my legs in the shower, it takes 2 mins.

I cut and colour my own hair at home - it takes 30 mins.

I paint my nails and toenails and apply foot cream while I'm watching TV with DH in the evening. It does take a while but I would've been sitting there watching TV anyway.

I apply a face mask at home once a week that takes 15-20 mins but I do other things while it's on.

Op honestly people are too busy with their own lives to care how you dress or if you do make up.
I own zero make up, wash with water and only shave to swim. I'm 6ft and have gigantic boobs so I avoid fashion clothes mostly as too short, not long enough etc.
Dress how your happy.
I love bright colours and have fallen back in love with my doc martens again! Bit addicted now at 7 pairs tbh.
Snag tights are also a a revelation and thick enough to not require shaving - epic

@EmergencyHydrangea

I'm shit at performing femininity too. Doesn't make me bad at being female

Same here. Used to bother me, but as I get older I’m much more comfortable in my own skin.

But some self care is nice (and for me, it’s a marker of my mental health, in that I bother much less if I’m on a downward trajectory).

Simple things, like a decent haircut - doesn’t have to be femme, but needs to be by good stylist and fit in with your lifestyle and hair care skills (eg no point getting a cut that requires blow drying time and skill if that’s not for you). I have fine flyaway hair too, and using some hair product does help. The specific type depends on your hairstyle, but for example if you have a short choppy cut, a bit of hair wax to give texture and hold works well. I use Aveda, bloody expensive but good quality and washes out well.

Body moisturiser every now and then feels nice, and you could use one with gentle self-tanning

Try a facial oil for the flakiness - not rosehip though. I like Marula oil.

Clean, short nails if you’re not into nail polish (I’m not)

Tinted facial sunscreen - quick and easy

I don’t wear mascara etc because I developed an allergy so have had to get used to naked eyes... I have v sparse eyelashes but I’m used to how I look without mascara now.

I don’t bother with pedicures but tend not to get my feet out anyway as I can never find sandals that fit.

Find some elements of personal grooming that you enjoy, OP, rather than measuring yourself against others (although that is easier said than done, I know).

Maybe others envy you for looking so natural while they feel they have to present a certain image to have the confidence to face the world.
It sounds like you want to make a few tweaks, but only do it if that's what you want. You are enough just as you are.
For the flaky skin, why not treat yourself and book a facial, and find out what skin type you have to start with.

I will firstly echo others, that you are just fine at being female! You don’t need to do anything other than what you want!

I personally like to feel “put together” but I do not have the patience for arsing around spending loads of time on it. So I do:

• I have a lady shave electric thing and run over my legs after a shower
• I have an electric eyebrow trimmer/shaper (it looks like a pen) and keep my brows trimmed and shaped
• I dye my brows every 3-4 weeks so I don’t need to do them
• I use a face wash in the shower (currently garnier lemongrass but buy whatever is on offer)
• I use a tinted moisturiser bb cream thing
• lick of mascara
• I have a fringe so if I cba/don’t have time for full hair, I can blow dry my fringe and top of my hair, then I braid or bun the rest
• for clothes, I only wear 4 colours and only have items I know look good on me (black, white, blue, pink) I have shoes in 3 colours only (black, white, tan - boots, sandals and pumps) everything I have goes with every thing else, so I can grab whatever out the wardrobe and know I have an outfit
• I always wear a nice pair of earrings and spritz of perfume

None of this takes up silly amounts of time, as I have a baby and toddler. It’s just little things to help me feel good in myself