Interesting inheritance issue

[MusicMenu]

In which I have no part except curiosity and the fact that the will writer told me of his intentions.

Elderly man, widowed for almost 20 years. 3 children, multiple grandchildren and great grandchildren. He was a very strict father and one of his daughters, particularly considers their family relationships to be toxic and has told him so.

He would like to write her out of the will, but he promised his wife he'd treat them all equally.

So his solution is to split the estate into 6. 1 sixth for each of the children and the remainder (half) to a neighbour who has helped him out with DIY etc in his old age. Neighbours are fairly elderly themselves, but 20 years younger than him (he's 95), so effectively this money is being left to their children.

His money, his choice etc but he hasn't told his DC this is what he plans to do. Of course they are all older now too but the children and grandchildren aren't.

Is his plan OK or just a bit cruel and also, possibly with the neighbour's involvement, a bit crooked?

I don't know what the estate is worth, but the house alone must be £800k. Of course he may need care and spend some of it, but he's currently living independently, with help from a cleaner, the neighbours and his children, including the unfavoured one.

I don't expect anything from my parents, I hope they spend the lot, but I'd be hurt to think they'd taken steps to avoid me having it. For this family though, even the reduced amount will be a substantial sum to inherit.

Until the will is written what he says will happen won't. He needs to get his skates on.

He says it's done. Solicitor appointed as executor, happy to pay as many fees as possible to reduce the value of the estate.

When you say you hope your parents 'spend the lot' does that include selling their home?

I think it's a shame if he does this, and hurtful for his family members, but I don't see why it would be crooked?

I think he is right to treat his children equally.

Leaving the neighbours something as a thank you for their help is a nice touch, but half of a substantial legacy seems completely over the top to me.

If he didn't want 1 to inherit why not just leave equally to the grandchildren?

When my relative died family got a few non valuable family bits and her carers got the rest:
Sale of her house and family heirlooms - very valuable.
Her money /items. Her choice.

Well, his kids certainly had him read right, his wife too if she extracted that promise.

I doubt anyone will be surprised.

The neighbours may not come out of it feeling good about it though.

Another issue he probably doesn't care about!

He sounds like an arse but it is his money to do whatever he wants with. This is why when I die my half of everything will be left directly to my children. We can never tell what our spouses will do with the money.

@MorrisZapp

When you say you hope your parents 'spend the lot' does that include selling their home?

If they need/want to. I genuinely don't expect anything, they did their bit for me when they raised me to earn a good living. If they want to sell up and travel the world, excellent. If they need care, I hope they can have the best money can buy. I would be hurt if they took steps to dispose of it deliberately to avoid me having it though, which I think is different to enjoying it themselves.

@Outbutnotoutout

If he didn't want 1 to inherit why not just leave equally to the grandchildren?

The "problem" child has 5 children. Leaving it equally to grandchildren is always tricky. Does equal mean each GC gets the same or the children of each child have an equal amount to share between them?

Well he is treating the equally but he's paying the other 2 less to "punish" the 3rd one.

I dunno, loads of elderly people leave their estate or part of it to charity even when they have children so I dont really see the difference in leaving some to a neighbour

He just leave the lot to all his immediate children. I'm sure that's what his wife would want and I imagine half of that was hers then unfortunately she died first so now he is playing silly buggers.
But at the end of the day it's up to him.
I don't see why you'd leave a substantial amount of money to a neighbour for doing DIY imo. Each to their own.

My friend was treated like this by his mother, he was their only child adored by father who died , he had lived at home at the beck and call of his nasty mother who took all his money , he looked after her in her old age , then when she died left it all to the church on purpose , even church friends told him to dispute the will but he was so deflated by it all he just walked away

Yes I think the elderly man is being very unkind , although you never truly know what happens within a family it sounds like he was pretty strict as a parent and probably OTT to be described as toxic and eventually she told him that it was too much , yet along with siblings still helping him he's retaliating by being spiteful with his will

Sounds like he's probably a pretty unpleasant person tbh some people just are

It seems fine and not “crooked” or anything to me. I mean it’s probably not quite what his wife had in mind, but he probably knows her views better than anyone.

Depends what his neighbours are doing. A friend has essentially taken on the role of carer for her neighbour whose son is too self obsessed to bother with his mother, (will pay for stuff but time forget it, drops round with flowers maybe once a month and stays 5 mins, won't even have a drink, lives locally) throughout covid my friend has done shopping, changed the bedding because it's too much, hospital visits to avoid public transport etc, local son thinks sending an Ocado delivery is doing his bit forgetting his mother struggles to put food away! I think I know who should inherit!

If he wanted to treat the neighbour as a quarter, then I'd think he could probably get away without too much hard feelings.
Leaving the neighbour half, giving his children only a 1/6 I think won't be anything other than upsetting. He's saying that his neighbour doing a few DIY jobs is much more valuable to him than his children.

I agree with the person who says he's punishing his children for falling out with one.

Awful behaviour on his part as it will inevitably cause issue between the siblings after his passing. He should divide the estate between his children equally and they can distribute to their child as they see fit.

Hang on. He's got 5 kids. So three kids ate getting 1/6 each, the neighbour is getting half. That's the whole lot. What about the other 2 kids.

His money. His choice. Maybe the neighbours have become like family

Ignore me. Its 5 grandchildren from one child.

Is his plan OK or just a bit cruel and also, possibly with the neighbour's involvement, a bit crooked?

What's crooked about it?

His plan sounds acceptable other than he's effectively punishing the other 2 children as presumably had all 3 children had a good relationship with him then he would have split the entire estate 3 ways so 33% each rather than 16%

This seems unkind to me. Some parents seem to want to control their DC even in Adulthood! Friendly neighbours may be left a small amount but as above PP says Half to them is OTT to say the least!

@MusicMenu

The "problem" child has 5 children. Leaving it equally to grandchildren is always tricky. Does equal mean each GC gets the same or the children of each child have an equal amount to share between them?

The grandchildren do not get anything. The children (you) get one third each. That is what your OP says.

The man leaves his estate as to:

Child 1 - 1/6
Child 2 - 1/6
Child 3 - 1/6
Neighbour - 3/6

Wills are not about fairness for the beneficiaries. Fairness is an emotional concept. Wills are about ensuring personal assets are distributed in accordance with the living persons wishes. The UK is not a civil law country. It does not have forced heirship rules like France that might apply to French assets.