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Original poster

Interesting inheritance issue

76 replies

MusicMenu · 01/05/2021 16:50

In which I have no part except curiosity and the fact that the will writer told me of his intentions.

Elderly man, widowed for almost 20 years. 3 children, multiple grandchildren and great grandchildren. He was a very strict father and one of his daughters, particularly considers their family relationships to be toxic and has told him so.

He would like to write her out of the will, but he promised his wife he'd treat them all equally.

So his solution is to split the estate into 6. 1 sixth for each of the children and the remainder (half) to a neighbour who has helped him out with DIY etc in his old age. Neighbours are fairly elderly themselves, but 20 years younger than him (he's 95), so effectively this money is being left to their children.

His money, his choice etc but he hasn't told his DC this is what he plans to do. Of course they are all older now too but the children and grandchildren aren't.

Is his plan OK or just a bit cruel and also, possibly with the neighbour's involvement, a bit crooked?

I don't know what the estate is worth, but the house alone must be £800k. Of course he may need care and spend some of it, but he's currently living independently, with help from a cleaner, the neighbours and his children, including the unfavoured one.

I don't expect anything from my parents, I hope they spend the lot, but I'd be hurt to think they'd taken steps to avoid me having it. For this family though, even the reduced amount will be a substantial sum to inherit.

OP posts:

lljkk · 02/05/2021 10:01

Does the will have a preamble that specifically says the neighbour is getting big chunk precisely to avoid giving amount to the child he dislikes?

Else, will the biological kids figure out this is what he intended?

If they figure it out, will they care -- they all must already know he's an canterkous old git. At least he didn't leave it all to a right wing extremist group or worse.

boonboon · 02/05/2021 10:08

I don't agree. They might have fallen out with one or more children.

They might love all children equally, but one is in a successful career with no children and no financial concerns. Another might have 3 children is struggling financially and could use the money.

Why leave the same to each?

There's many reasons to give different amounts or even nothing. As long as he's of sound mind I don't see the problem.

Original poster

MusicMenu · 02/05/2021 10:28

I think when you don't leave things equally you create a whole load of problems and heartache for the ones you intended to favour, as well as the one you intended to snub.

Why should one be "penalised" for choosing or not being able to have children?

If one DC is much more successful in their career, presumably they worked for that, why should they then not inherit as a result?

OP posts:

SymphonyofShadows · 02/05/2021 10:42

I always find threads like this interesting, probably because my two sisters openly discuss what they are going to do with ‘their’ money once our elderly mother (in her 90’s) passes away. They completely disregard the idea that she’s basically one fall away from residential care and seems stubbornly (for them) unwilling to die.

As PP have said, I bet the neighbours do an enormous amount of care. An elderly childless relative passed away a few years back and split her money based on who had been there for her in the decade before her death, before she became ill with the disease which killed her. It put a lot of noses out of joint but she always was mischievous and direct. Surely in this case tax is going to eat into a lot of it if the estate is so large?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/05/2021 13:11

He’s entitled to do it, but whether he should is a matter of opinion. Some parents do have valid reasons for cutting children out of their wills. I know one couple who will almost certainly do so, and I have every sympathy for them, since the adult child’s behaviour has been extremely cruel.

The vast majority I know would never dream of it though.

A relative of dh removed a former heir from their will because they thoroughly disapproved of a spendthrift spouse (she was) and didn’t want her getting her hands on any of the money to waste.

But by the time the person died they were divorced anyway, and the remaining legatees re-installed him, so to speak. I don’t know whether it was done officially, as a deed of variation, but they were all in agreement and it was never questioned.

Babyroobs · 02/05/2021 13:15

Half the estate to a neighbour is excessive especially as his house could be sold for care and potentially diminish pretty quickly.

Cherrysoup · 02/05/2021 13:35

I think people can do what they want with their money. I expect nothing from my mother. I keep telling her to spunk the lot on whatever takes her fancy. I’m not relying on her inheritance.

Ohdeariedear · 02/05/2021 13:52

Is your Dad the neighbour?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 02/05/2021 13:58

Hopefully he lets them know his intention so that they can truly see who he is.

I wouldn't be offering care to someone like this. Not because of the money, but if they were willing to treat me with such disdain, why would I want to support them?

Original poster

MusicMenu · 02/05/2021 14:18

@Ohdeariedear

Is your Dad the neighbour?

No. I don't believe the neighbours are aware of what's coming to them.

OP posts:

Hadalifeonce · 02/05/2021 14:30

One of a relative's children (adult) has caused nothing but grief for years. This relative decided to still split the estate equally, but instead of a third going to this child, it is split equally between their children.

Chatanooga1 · 02/05/2021 14:32

My children are not getting equal amounts. My daughter is getting a cash lump sum and my clothing and jewellery. My son is getting my house and furnishings and furniture. My sons partner is getting a cash lump sum and my yarn stash which is quite considerable, along with my crochet hooks that I have collected over decades and my step children are getting cash and various other possessions I have ear marked for them. I’m also leaving money to a Greyhound charity.

They all have different needs and what I am leaving for them reflects in that.

I don’t have any grandchildren and may consider changing my will if I do.

Waterfallgirl · 02/05/2021 14:46

@Daydrambeliever

He sounds like an arse but it is his money to do whatever he wants with. This is why when I die my half of everything will be left directly to my children. We can never tell what our spouses will do with the money.

This is interesting @Daydrambeliever

I had this very same conversation today with a friend.

We were wondering - if you are married , and you die first how could half be left to children in the will, because presumably assets would include a house?

Unless you just mean cash and personal items like jewellery?

When my mum died her will left everything to my dad, but everything was joint anyway so in effect she had shared everything with him anyway. ( except her jewellery which I shared with my dB)

Original poster

MusicMenu · 02/05/2021 16:52

Completely seperately, I have been pondering the issue of the children of a long deceased parent, as DH has a terminal illness.

Currently, after 25 years of marriage, what we have has been accumulated during our marriage and it's right that it should go to his children(after me). However, I might have another 40 years ahead of me. At what point does it stop being "our" money due to our children and start being my money, or maybe even "our" money for me an another man, I may have been with equally long. It is all hypothetical. Currently my very strong view is that I'll never remarry or cohabit again, for exactly this reason.

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 02/05/2021 16:56

Well, I think like an arse who wants to cause strife to his dc and demonstrate his power. I wonder what his wife would have thought.

Very clear why the dc think he is toxic!

sammylady37 · 02/05/2021 17:02

I think when you don't leave things equally you create a whole load of problems and heartache for the ones you intended to favour, as well as the one you intended to snub

Only if those people believe they are owed a fair share of the estate.

Viviennemary · 02/05/2021 17:06

Seems fine. He is doing what he wants. And nobody is being written out.

Original poster

MusicMenu · 02/05/2021 17:07

@sammylady37

I think when you don't leave things equally you create a whole load of problems and heartache for the ones you intended to favour, as well as the one you intended to snub

Only if those people believe they are owed a fair share of the estate.

No, it only needs there to be bad feeling for one of them. In this example, the siblings haven't fallen out. If he leaves things inequitably, they are faced with seeing their sister treated unfairly or going against their father's wishes and putting things right. It's possible one might want to do that but not the other etc etc. So he'd be leaving trouble between them behind him.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 02/05/2021 17:10

That’s very sad, if I knew him I would ask him if he really wanted his last act on earth to be a cunty one. And to cause upset for his family. If that’s how he wants to be remembered.

DinosaurDiana · 02/05/2021 17:15

He should be leaving the lot to his children if that’s what he agreed to with his wife.
This is exactly why I will be leaving my money to my kids, and a right for my DH to live in my half of the house while he is alive. He has a private pension so will have more money than I would in reverse.

Supersimkin2 · 02/05/2021 17:19

So the nub is that DF fell out with DD when she called him toxic.

You don't say. DD deserves a medal.

ajandjjmum · 02/05/2021 17:37

@Waterfallgirl
I'm not legal, but my understanding is that you can sort this out by owning your house as tenants in common (rather than joint tenants). Whoever died first could leave their half to their beneficiaries, but with some sort of 'right' for their spouse to live in the property for the remainder of their days.

I have always said that I would be happy for DH to meet someone if I died, but I'd haunt him if he then shared everything we'd worked for with their extended family, rather than focussing on our two DC.

It brings it home how important it is to update your Will regularly - and think about worst case scenarios.

MarjorieBouvier · 02/05/2021 17:44

His money, his choice.

If I was him, I'd split between grandchildren instead though. That's what my DP are doing to avoid leaving anything to the toxic SIL that's ripped our family apart.

sammylady37 · 02/05/2021 19:42

But wills aren’t, and don’t have to be, about people being treated equitably or fairly. They’re about the testator deciding what to do with their assets, and they can do whatever the hell they want with them. You talk about ‘putting things right’ but you’re implying that they all think the right thing is equal distribution, whereas in fact the right thing is respecting the testator’s wishes, however unfair or capricious they may be.

I know what’s in my mother’s will. It significantly favours one sibling over the rest of us. I don’t know why that is, though I have a suspicion, but I respect that it’s my mother’s decision and she can do whatever she wants. I have no ill-feeling whatsoever about it and won’t do so in future.

PineappleWilson · 02/05/2021 20:32

I feel for the neighbour, who'd potentially have this guy's kids giving him daggers through the fence when they cleared and sold the house. It'll put him in a difficult position.

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