Interesting inheritance issue

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In which I have no part except curiosity and the fact that the will writer told me of his intentions.

Elderly man, widowed for almost 20 years. 3 children, multiple grandchildren and great grandchildren. He was a very strict father and one of his daughters, particularly considers their family relationships to be toxic and has told him so.

He would like to write her out of the will, but he promised his wife he'd treat them all equally.

So his solution is to split the estate into 6. 1 sixth for each of the children and the remainder (half) to a neighbour who has helped him out with DIY etc in his old age. Neighbours are fairly elderly themselves, but 20 years younger than him (he's 95), so effectively this money is being left to their children.

His money, his choice etc but he hasn't told his DC this is what he plans to do. Of course they are all older now too but the children and grandchildren aren't.

Is his plan OK or just a bit cruel and also, possibly with the neighbour's involvement, a bit crooked?

I don't know what the estate is worth, but the house alone must be £800k. Of course he may need care and spend some of it, but he's currently living independently, with help from a cleaner, the neighbours and his children, including the unfavoured one.

I don't expect anything from my parents, I hope they spend the lot, but I'd be hurt to think they'd taken steps to avoid me having it. For this family though, even the reduced amount will be a substantial sum to inherit.

It seems unkind to his daughter- especially as he's leaving so much to a neighbour. It surely wouldn't matter if he left even a portion of what the other children get to his daughter.

I don't think it's crooked for the neighbour to get money though- no matter their intentions, or his daughter's he is allowed to give his money to whoever he wishes. It won't make any difference in the end.

My Grandfather left his money to a donkey sanctuary to avoid all of this! He only left a single item to each child and grandchild. I got a lovely serving platter- I'd rather have that than bitterly given money.

What a miserable old bastard.

Shouldn't be allowed.

(speaking as someone whose both DPILS were disinherited)

He sounds a controlling nasty twat. Still trying to causing trouble from beyond the grave.
Why the fuck people like this have dc is beyond me.
I'll bet whatever the miserable creature does with his money and will, won't be half of the damage he has already caused his children in other ways.

@topcat2014 Its totally miserable and pointed as fuck. I guess people are ultimately allowed to leave money to who they want tho

@Zenithbear Totally agree

[quote MyOctopusFeature]@MusicMenu

The "problem" child has 5 children. Leaving it equally to grandchildren is always tricky. Does equal mean each GC gets the same or the children of each child have an equal amount to share between them?

The grandchildren do not get anything. The children (you) get one third each. That is what your OP says.

The man leaves his estate as to:

Child 1 - 1/6
Child 2 - 1/6
Child 3 - 1/6
Neighbour - 3/6

Wills are not about fairness for the beneficiaries. Fairness is an emotional concept. Wills are about ensuring personal assets are distributed in accordance with the living persons wishes. The UK is not a civil law country. It does not have forced heirship rules like France that might apply to French assets.[/quote]
A PP suggested it was left to the grandchildren rather than the children. I'm not one of the children. The man is a friend if my father's.

Leaving half the money to the children may be how he sees that he is keeping his promise to his wife. "Her" half of everything they owned between them is indeed being split evenly between their children. "His" half is being left to those he wants to leave it to.

If he has capacity and has not been coerced to change his will to favour the neighbours, then that is his decision and the executors will have to follow it through.

@DancesWithDaffodils

Hang on. He's got 5 kids. So three kids ate getting 1/6 each, the neighbour is getting half. That's the whole lot. What about the other 2 kids.

No, he has 3 children

I think people would be surprised how common it is to leave money to others alongside (or instead of!) children and/or charity (experience of wills and probate work). My beloved aunt is leaving her money (loads!) to an animal charity (no DCs mind). I know lots of elderly people with children who are leaving at least 50% to charities.

Part of me thinks it’s his money and as long as he treats his children the same it doesn’t matter.

Another part of me knows that one of the things that bothered my mother about dying first was that she wasn’t leaving anything to my sister and myself. She and my father had a difficult, albeit long, marriage and she would have like to have been sure that we would see some benefit. Now, my father probably will leave whatever money he has left to my sibling and myself. He may live another 30 years and need it all and that will be completely understandable. He may also decide to change the will and give it to someone else. While I will respect his right to do that, it will still hurt because I know it is something my mother feared.

The neighbours may not come out of it feeling good about it though.

If they feel that strongly about it, they can get together with the three children and agree a waive, so that it is divided across the three children.

Its his money to leave to whoever he wants to

It’s his decision and he’s following his wife’s wishes.
Still, his children, who must be fairly old themselves, will wonder why and if he might have been coerced into it, so he could be leaving them a can of worms. Maybe that’s his intention. In that case his daughter is right and he is a bit toxic.

Quite happy to accept her help now though isn't he? Nasty piece of work.

I just don't understand this absolute belief that you are entitled to your parents money! And if this is the biggest thing that comes after a parents death the whinges about money and MINE!! then he's clearly made a good decision.

It is his choice but shows what a spiteful person he is. Hopefully his ageing children already know this and will not be surprised.

@topcat2014

What a miserable old bastard.

Shouldn't be allowed.

(speaking as someone whose both DPILS were disinherited)

Why shouldn’t he be allowed dispose of his money and assets as he wishes? It’s his money, even if others feel they deserve it and have a sense of entitlement to it.

@MichelleScarn

I just don't understand this absolute belief that you are entitled to your parents money! And if this is the biggest thing that comes after a parents death the whinges about money and MINE!! then he's clearly made a good decision.

Any normal decent person wants their money, after they have died, to go to their children equally imo

I just don't understand this absolute belief that you are entitled to your parents money! And if this is the biggest thing that comes after a parents death the whinges about money and MINE!! then he's clearly made a good decision.

I agree.

We've no idea how his children or grandchildren feel as the OP is not related.

As its the mother's money also but sadly she died first I think it's cruel to cut the daughter out.
And give them all less due to his dead wife's requests! It's her money as well to pass on and this seems cruel.

IF the parents were divorced and she did her own behests then yes it's his money but it seems like it's joint money built over a life time between mum and dad.

For that reason, it's mean.

It happens a lot. My DGM left everything to one uncle as he did everything for her. My other DGM left half to my DM and 25% each to my uncles (with the expectation she would split with me) as we were always there for her and uncles lived a long way abroad.

I'm dealing with a case at work where one DD is excluded and everything split between remaining DC and nieces and nephews. The expression is quite clear and he has given reasons. The DD is challenging but is unlikely to be successful.

In the original case, the DF may have promised to treat all DC equally but situations change and so the promise could be broken.

Words mean nothing, verbal promises mean nothing, and so many people fail to understand this.

Will and letter of intentions and that's what the deceased wife should have done.

I’m always suspicious when very elderly people leave kind randoms massive sums of money. Makes you wonder if they have been spun a sob story. Or it’s just to be mean for whatever reasons and could be genuine if he doesn’t love his children or just a bit of old age/spite or some dementia.
My parents were good neighbours to an elderly lady always popping round if asked and my DF fixing little problems it’s just good neighbours! She didn’t leave them anything and they would not have expected it. It’s very odd in my opinion.
Maybe if he left a lump sum like 20k not 400k!