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Original poster

Is renewing wedding vows still deemed as tacky!

92 replies

BeautyQueenIamNot · 30/04/2021 12:05

It’s our 10 year wedding anniversary next year and we have had a lot of bad things happen to us over the last 5/6 years, lost a couple of siblings, redundancies, my health has taken a massive nose dive and I spend 3 or 4 months a year in hospital, and was thinking we could renew our wedding vows and have a massive party (obviously I am hoping covid will be gone)

I’ve often read on here that is deemed as a bit off an unnecessary.

Would you mind being invited if it was close friends etc

OP posts:

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 30/04/2021 13:48

I would assume cheating too, vows only need to be redone surely if they have been broken.
A party is ok, most seem to have them for 20/25 years not 10 though so depends if common in your family.
Personally I’d just go away if it’s your husband you want to thank rather than make a big deal of it,

Bluntness100 · 30/04/2021 14:07

I think it is clear you really want to do it op, so I think if that’s the case then go ahead, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

It sounds like, you want to get married again.

lynsey91 · 30/04/2021 14:36

I would never assume one of the couple have cheated if they have a vow renewal.

I think it is a lovely thing to do although if me and DH were to do it we would either just have close family or keep it to just the two of us.

I think people are very nasty to assume there has been cheating

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Weddings

lynsey91 · 30/04/2021 14:47

@Aquamarine1029

Vow renewals are daft. An anniversary party would be lovely.

YOU think they are daft but others don't.

I think it is a lovely idea to reaffirm your love for each other. I do think it should be after a longer period than 10 years though.

I think when so many marriages end in divorce it is not wrong to celebrate a marriage that is still happy

EventuallyDistracted · 30/04/2021 14:50

I like them, I've never heard anyone in real life suggest that it implies one of the partners has cheated.

LemonRoses · 30/04/2021 14:51

I think its unnecessary. The vows were made for life, they don't need renewing and undermines the strength and integrity of the original vows, but it won't harm anyone if you do.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 30/04/2021 14:54

I think people are very nasty to assume there has been cheating

Don’t the vows say about forsaking others/being faithful until death do part? So if vows need to be retaken it’s not hard to many to assume that part has been broken. Vows don’t need to be retaken if they haven’t been broken as they aren’t time limited.

AuntieStella · 30/04/2021 14:55

I would go, on the general grounds that friends' celebrations are a good thing.

And I would not say a word in RL about my automatic assumption that vows only need to be renewed if they have been broken, and I would be wondering which one of them had been unfaithful or done something also that awful.

If there was no need for repair, I would expect the party to be billed as an anniversary celebration, or just a party for the sake of it.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/04/2021 14:56

I wouldn't go to a vow renewal ceremony, I do think they're a bit silly.

Love51 · 30/04/2021 14:58

@SarahAndQuack

It's only on MN I have ever come across this belief that vow renewals have to do with cheating.

In the C of E tradition I was brought up in, it's a religious thing, and it's lovely. You get elderly people doing it for the 'big' anniversaries.

I remember my dad saying something about that back in the 90s. I don't think he has ever been on Mumsnet.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/04/2021 14:58

I wouldn't assume cheating, I just think it's all a bit attention seeking.

EventuallyDistracted · 30/04/2021 15:01

I think the cheating assumption is nasty too, of course the vows aren't time limited but I think it's nice to re-affirm them with your nearest and dearest. Those who I've known to do it have done it for 25th wedding anniversaries.

Notagain20 · 30/04/2021 15:02

I think it's a lovely idea, and if it's something that means a lot to you then absolutely go for it. I would assume its because the couple are deeply in love and want to celebrate each other, not that there's a problem! I wonder if people who sneer at it just can't imagine being with someone who would be happy and proud to affirm their commitment again!
I hope you have a lovely anniversary, whatever you decide. Congratulations!

Bluntness100 · 30/04/2021 15:08

@LemonRoses

I think its unnecessary. The vows were made for life, they don't need renewing and undermines the strength and integrity of the original vows, but it won't harm anyone if you do.

Exactly it’s until death do you part, so why do you need to take them again? That’s why folks assume cheating, because you only need to take them again if you’ve broken them.

Usually people celebrate with a party, to mark their anniversary but if you feel you also need to take the vows again, it indicates there is a reason you need to do them again as the originals no longer stand

However I get the impression from the op she wants to basically do the whole wedding thing again. The ceremony, the reception and the honeymoon.

AuntieStella · 30/04/2021 15:11

It's only on MN I have ever come across this belief that vow renewals have to do with cheating

That's a strength of MN, it shows you views beyond those in your immediate circle (as people are much more endogamous than they like to think)

I wonder if people who sneer at it just can't imagine being with someone who would be happy and proud to affirm their commitment again!

Not in my case. Vows are made for life, just the once, and do not need to be re-made (unless broken). You can affirm your marriage at an anniversary party, or just by living it happily

Floralnomad · 30/04/2021 15:11

I would assume that vows that need renewing have somehow been broken and that’s nothing to do with being on MN . Also the fact that all your family and friends will turn up and say how lovely it all is doesn’t mean they aren’t all making their own assumptions. I’ve been married very happily for over 30 yrs , we don’t need to publicly reaffirm our vows they are just fine and still intact .

ethelredonagoodday · 30/04/2021 15:12

We just had a party. I think renewing vows if you've been married a very long time (my grandparents did it for their 60th wedding anniversary) is nice, but not sure about shorter term anniversaries. Each to their own, but I wouldn't.

Headyhurty · 30/04/2021 15:12

It just seems a bit weird to me. If the vows were important they were for life, so no need to renew and if they weren't why would you bother doing them again, whether someone's been unfaithful or not?

A 10 year anniversary as an excuse for a big bash, especially after the time you and everyone else has had is good though. No need for the vows.

CrumpetsForAll · 30/04/2021 15:12

A decade is a great achievement OP- don’t let anyone diminish that!

My ExH cheated and I discovered it on our 4th anniversary (bad timing!) I’ve since remarried but I’m much older and so I think every year counts!

FrozenVag · 30/04/2021 15:14

Tacky and naff

FrozenVag · 30/04/2021 15:15

Sorry that was re vow renewals

Meant obviously have the party, sounds like you deserve it 🙌

Livpool · 30/04/2021 15:25

I's assume one or both had been unfaithful

MsTSwift · 30/04/2021 15:27

Any excuse for a party! Though some will assume one of you has been unfaithful

YoniAndGuy · 30/04/2021 17:53

Absolutely don't do the vows. Yep it screams infidelity!

And it's tacky yes.

Think about it in more depth - the whole point is that your wedding vows are a once-in-a-lifetime thing. They aren't the kinds of promises that kind of go stale after a while and get forgotten. So why treat them as if they are? As if they're somehow less than eternal and unique, and need renewing or refreshing? All it does is make them seem less, somehow - weaker.

I think that's why it seems tacky and naff, it kind of gives the impression of superficiality.

Definitely just have a lovely sumptuous party!

BiggerBoat1 · 30/04/2021 17:55

Nothing wrong with celebrating 10 years. Have a bog party and enjoy. Renewing vows is pointless and tacky though.

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