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Original poster

Is renewing wedding vows still deemed as tacky!

92 replies

BeautyQueenIamNot · 30/04/2021 12:05

It’s our 10 year wedding anniversary next year and we have had a lot of bad things happen to us over the last 5/6 years, lost a couple of siblings, redundancies, my health has taken a massive nose dive and I spend 3 or 4 months a year in hospital, and was thinking we could renew our wedding vows and have a massive party (obviously I am hoping covid will be gone)

I’ve often read on here that is deemed as a bit off an unnecessary.

Would you mind being invited if it was close friends etc

OP posts:
JackieWeaverFever · 30/04/2021 12:36

I think throw a nice big anniversary party and go off on a lovely relaxing holiday after...

No need to renew vows.

Nicolastuffedone · 30/04/2021 12:38

I just don’t get vow renewals at all, but each to their own. We said our vows 30 years ago, we meant them then and we’ve both kept to them, once is good enough for us.

SirSamuelVimes · 30/04/2021 12:39

You made a vow for life. Either you didn't think it meant for life, or you didn't mean it, or it has been broken and needs to be remade. Otherwise it makes no sense. If you do it at the end of this ten years, will you feel the need to do it every ten years hence? Doesn't it cheapen the vow of you're saying it's really only for the next decade?!

Have a party for your anniversary. Leave the rest out of it.

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CornishGem1975 · 30/04/2021 12:39

@SarahAndQuack

It's only on MN I have ever come across this belief that vow renewals have to do with cheating.

In the C of E tradition I was brought up in, it's a religious thing, and it's lovely. You get elderly people doing it for the 'big' anniversaries.

Maybe people in real life bite their tongue and don't say what they're thinking because believe me, a lot are!

There's a difference between renewing your vows in a church service and having a second wedding - which is what people seem to do now.

SirenSays · 30/04/2021 12:41

I would have never assumed cheating! Just seems like a nice way to to celebrate and acknowledge how your relationship has changed over the years, especially for big anniversaries.

SarahAndQuack · 30/04/2021 12:42

No, I don't think it was people biting their tongues, just a genuinely different tradition. Honestly, it couldn't have been people thinking it was about cheating - I remember when all the couples at my grandparents' church hit their 50th anniversaries and they all did it. Unless there was some very carefully-concealed OAP swinging going on, I don't think it was anything but a celebration! Grin

DeRigueurMortis · 30/04/2021 12:42

@MyDcAreMarvel

You either meant them the first time or you didn’t. If you want a party do it for a birthday instead.

I'm very much of this mindset.

Why would you need to re-new vows unless they'd been broken?

That said I think a l party to celebrate a milestone wedding anniversary is a lovely idea and a chance for family to get together after an awful year for everyone.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 30/04/2021 12:43

We plan to have a blessing for our 10 year anniversary but it will just be us and our DS. We will have a party too for family and friends but it will be separate to the blessing. I want that bit to just be us. DH and I have had some tough times too and it will mean a lot to us.

fellrunner85 · 30/04/2021 12:44

While a big party would undoubtedly be fun, and a nice thing to do, vow renewal is widely understood to be something you do if either you've have big problems in the marriage, or someone has cheated. Definitely not just a MN thing Hmm - they parodied it on Gavin and Stacey, with Pete and Dawn, and that was probably 10 years ago now!

I'd come up with another reason for a party if I were you, because everyone will assume you're trying to "start again" after a crisis in your marriage, even if that's not the case.

Cameleongirl · 30/04/2021 12:46

I don’t know, I rather like the idea of vow renewals-essentially you’re publicly reaffirming that you’re still as committed to your OH as you were years ago, But i’d just have a party/holiday for 10 years, I think.

DH and I will celebrate our silver anniversary in a few years and we’ll probably have a big do for that, might even renew our vows, but definitely a party! Our wedding was tiny as we were so broke, this will be much bigger!😄

PeterPomegranate · 30/04/2021 12:47

Personally don’t see the need for vow renewals. An anniversary party would be nice and as suggested above you could do a speech about how much strength your marriage has given you through some tough times if you wanted. BUT you should renew your vows if YOU want to - whether publicly or more privately. If people don’t want to come then they don’t have to.

Ahwig · 30/04/2021 12:57

We had had a really bad time for a couple of years so we re took our vows whilst on holiday in Vegas. We decided on a whim. It was just the 2 of us in a cute little chapel. We told no one , it was just a personal thing between us , a way of celebrating that we had made it through the tough times and we still loved each other. It was really quite emotional

Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2021 13:03

Vow renewals are daft. An anniversary party would be lovely.

mamamalt · 30/04/2021 13:07

My inlaws had a vow renewal and big party for a big anniversary, v similar circumstances to what you describe, death of all their parents in short space of time and siblings, mil was fighting cancer for 3rd time. It was absolutely beautiful and NOT ONCE did I wonder who had cheated.
Please don't worry yourself with what strangers on the Internet think.

SilverOtter · 30/04/2021 13:10

@Ahwig that's really sweet!

Original poster
BeautyQueenIamNot · 30/04/2021 13:15

@Ahwig that sounds lovely

I’m now thinking maybe Dh and I do a small blessing/vow renewal with the kids and the local vicar

Then a big party the weekend after as a 10 year party etc will be close friends and family (that’s about 60 - we have a big family)

OP posts:
harknesswitch · 30/04/2021 13:16

It wasn't until I joined mn that I realised so many people saw it as a no no. I think it's a lovely idea especially in your circumstances

murbblurb · 30/04/2021 13:16

Who was it that described a wedding as ' a very public declaration of a very private intention' ?

You needed witnesses the first time. Beyond that, do the mushy bit on your own. Have a party by all means.

SkepticalCat · 30/04/2021 13:16

@SarahAndQuack

It's only on MN I have ever come across this belief that vow renewals have to do with cheating.

In the C of E tradition I was brought up in, it's a religious thing, and it's lovely. You get elderly people doing it for the 'big' anniversaries.

I wonder if this is an 'only on MN' thing as well.

How many vow renewal ceremonies has anyone ever been to, or even know about, anyway?

OutspokenNotThatFunny · 30/04/2021 13:20

I always belive its when ones been unfaithful..

Just have a party? I dunno a birthday or a ' it's been a while knees up'

OutspokenNotThatFunny · 30/04/2021 13:20

And I heard that before my MN days

Frazzled2207 · 30/04/2021 13:23

Just have a party. Say something to him in front of everyone else by all means but I’d slightly cringe at going to a “vow renewal”

Akire · 30/04/2021 13:24

After 40-50 years yes when there’s not really anyone alive who attended the first wedding that’s kind of sweet. But 10 years is practically newly married.

Shelby2010 · 30/04/2021 13:24

Just have a party. You could always make a speech thanking DH for being a wonderful, supportive husband if you want to.

Tisforptarmigan · 30/04/2021 13:27

I think it's a very odd thing to do.

Why bother - you are already married. Could you spend the money better on a wonderful holiday?

I would think of it along the same lines as having matching tattoos.

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