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Original poster

Time off for dependants

59 replies

whoami24601 · 28/04/2021 12:31

DS2 was sick last night. A lot! His child minder has a 48hr sickness policy so he can't go back there until Friday. I emailed work and said I wouldn't be in for 2 days and I got a very shirty phone call basically telling me I have to split the days with DH.

For context: I work in the school my kids attend and hate it. I get paid peanuts and am monitored constantly because of the children. DH works through an agency and so his work is not secure. However he does get paid quite a bit more than me but wouldn't get paid if he took the day off. Pre-Covid my parents probably would step in but they're not bubbling with anyone due to health issues, so we have no alternative childcare.

I've looked up the entitlements but all it says is 'reasonable' time off. My question is this: is two days unreasonable to look after a child who is unable to attend childcare? Can they demand we split the time? I felt like I was being told off and I don't know if the fact I don't like the HR woman is affecting the way I feel about this situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
whoami24601 · 28/04/2021 13:00

Anyone?

OP posts:
Watermelon1234 · 28/04/2021 13:02

In our job (nhs) we would get emergency carers leave for the first day and have to take annual or unpaid leave for the second day.

yoshiblue · 28/04/2021 13:10

I don't think she can demand you have to split the care, though we do it out of courtesy with our employers. My employer is so good in fact, I would only take 1 day max and also try to work when I can (but I'm home office based).

Given this is a sickness bug, you always have the option to come down with it yourself rather than be arguing the toss about what 'reasonable' is.

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Families
TreeDice · 28/04/2021 13:13

I guess the question is whether you're expecting to be paid and what your school's policy on this is?

Sicknesses cant be helped but your OP doesn't seem to appreciate that short notice leave is a pain to sort. The HR rep shouldn't be telling you off of course, but some give and take usually makes these situations go a little smoother!

Original poster
whoami24601 · 28/04/2021 13:18

I am more than willing to take it unpaid and told her as much on the phone. We can absorb a days unpaid leave for me much easier than we can DH. I feel like she was so confrontational about it that it's making me feel like I don't want to help them out. This is not the first time I've been 'told off' over something unnecessary! If she'd have asked if there was any way to split it instead of telling me I had to I'd probably be feeling a lot more accommodating tbh.

OP posts:
spaceghetto · 28/04/2021 13:24

Our local authority is having a big push on this! We were told day 1 is fine but you should then make alternate arrangements for subsequent days. My ds was in hospital for a week and I felt completely harassed by the school. When I returned to work, the parents of children in my class had all clubbed in and got me a pamper package!

Original poster
whoami24601 · 28/04/2021 13:34

What if you don't have an alternative though? If it was weeks or I was doing it all the time I'd understand but I can't remember the last time I was off for this reason. I did have 3 days off last year (October I think?) For an eye injury. Its two days FFS.

OP posts:
Original poster
whoami24601 · 28/04/2021 20:34

Bump!

OP posts:
Returnoftheowl · 28/04/2021 20:43

My work place would give one day for this... They say it's supposed to be used to make arrangements for the other subsequent days needed.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/04/2021 20:53

I doubt they can insist, but it seems pretty reasonable to expect the time off to be split between parents to me.

Agency workers are paid more in order to offset holiday, sick pay, carers leave etc.

Volcanoexplorer · 28/04/2021 21:38

Dh and I are both teachers. Our schools would expect us to share the time off.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 28/04/2021 21:49

Dependants leave is designed so you can make alternative arrangements so one day at most. It’s very reasonable they expect the two days to be split between you or other arrangements made.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 28/04/2021 21:56

Personally if you thought school was going to be arsed, I'd have rung in sick. You still
Could. Oh dear, I've caught dcs lurgy!!

Original poster
whoami24601 · 28/04/2021 22:05

I honestly get the point that it's meant to be 1 day to arrange an alternative, but what if there isn't one? I think my response is heavily influenced by how aggressive she was with me on the phone. I'm not saying she doesn't have a point but the delivery has really upset me. If she'd have asked nicely I'd have probably been more willing to make DH take a day off. She's always like this about everything with me (no idea how she is with anyone else!)

OP posts:
ImFree2doasiwant · 28/04/2021 22:07

My workplace don't give anything for this, I'd have to take leave.

Original poster
whoami24601 · 28/04/2021 22:10

Unfortunately working in a school means I don't get 'leave' to use for things like this. I have said I'll happily take it unpaid though if they insist.

OP posts:
CroydianSlip · 28/04/2021 22:12

I think we're in a tricky phase with covid.

Lots of employers are expecting absolute normal levels of productivity/ attendence and yet lots of the usual arrangements and support we would all have in place to support family life is not back there yet.

Mine and DH employers are absolutely back to normal expectations but our school has not yet restarted their after school club as they have been keeping separate bubbles etc, our cm is having less kids at a time so we can't have all the sessions we request, my parents are shielding and scared to the extent they may never go back to normal again and we're having random isolations etc due to symptoms or contact - working from home with kids here too.

It's all nuts and everyone is stressed and fed up. I'd let it wash over you and unavoidably need 48 hours off yourself.

TheJackieWeaver · 28/04/2021 22:16

@whoami24601

I honestly get the point that it's meant to be 1 day to arrange an alternative, but what if there isn't one? I think my response is heavily influenced by how aggressive she was with me on the phone. I'm not saying she doesn't have a point but the delivery has really upset me. If she'd have asked nicely I'd have probably been more willing to make DH take a day off. She's always like this about everything with me (no idea how she is with anyone else!)
But there is one... your DH.

I don’t think it’s at all unreasonable to expect you to split the care between the two of you.

freecuthbert · 28/04/2021 22:17

Like you, I would lose out on pay if I take the day off for such a situation. They can suggest but not enforce you split the day, but there's no need for her to be confrontational about it! I remember at the start of the pandemic, my workplace said that lack of childcare isn't an excuse for any time to be taken off, that we should club together with neighbours and friends and split childcare amongst ourselves, no time off was permitted Hmm The e-mail had quite a nasty tone to it, but I wouldn't have followed their idiotic advice of ferrying children between different homes during a pandemic and would have taken the time off anyway, perhaps just say I was ill. Not too late for you to catch the illness from your son either Wink

tedsletterofthelaw · 28/04/2021 22:19

I don't think they can insist you split the day with your DH. As he is not an employee of theirs what he does with his time is none of their business.

As PP have mentioned it's pretty standard policy to allow the one day paid leave for emergency childcare and then the second day would need to be annual or unpaid leave. That's how it works at my work anyway.

I'd be annoyed at a shirty phone call too. It happens, it's life. They wouldn't have a policy for it if it didn't.

Original poster
whoami24601 · 28/04/2021 22:23

When I queried what would happen if his childminder had to close (for COVID) my head said I'd still be expected to attend work as 'I didn't live near my family when I had small children' Hmm No but you probably had a network of friends, other mums to rely on and no global pandemic to contend with! This was before childcare bubbles were a thing too. Not sure where she expected me to leave the 2yo tbh. Luckily we haven't had to cross that bridge yet!

OP posts:
dotdashdashdash · 28/04/2021 22:23

Well they can't insist you split it with DH but they can say the second day is unpaid. In the NHS, the reality is that dependents leave is pretty much at managers discretion. But officially it's 1 day emergency leave to allow us to make alternative arrangements, either find other child care or for partners to rearrange their diaries or to request annual leave (which they can refuse).

Stompythedinosaur · 28/04/2021 22:25

I honestly get the point that it's meant to be 1 day to arrange an alternative, but what if there isn't one?

But there is one - your partner.

You are taking the mickey, which is why I imagine they were cross. You want them to take the hit of losing an employee for two days so you are less inconvenienced.

CarolinaWeeper · 28/04/2021 22:26

At my work there is no such thing as dependent leave....you would either have to take it as annual leave or as unpaid.

Her tone is unnecessary though....did you just say "I'm taking a couple of days off" or did you say "I need to take 48hrs off to cover childcare and I'm happy for this to be unpaid."? I'm just wondering if she was shirty because she thought you were trying to get "free" time off?

paralysedbyinertia · 28/04/2021 22:27

I have to say that, if I were your employer, I'd expect your DP to pick up some of the slack. It isn't fair that your employer has to bear the whole impact.

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