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Original poster

Time off for dependants

59 replies

whoami24601 · 28/04/2021 12:31

DS2 was sick last night. A lot! His child minder has a 48hr sickness policy so he can't go back there until Friday. I emailed work and said I wouldn't be in for 2 days and I got a very shirty phone call basically telling me I have to split the days with DH.

For context: I work in the school my kids attend and hate it. I get paid peanuts and am monitored constantly because of the children. DH works through an agency and so his work is not secure. However he does get paid quite a bit more than me but wouldn't get paid if he took the day off. Pre-Covid my parents probably would step in but they're not bubbling with anyone due to health issues, so we have no alternative childcare.

I've looked up the entitlements but all it says is 'reasonable' time off. My question is this: is two days unreasonable to look after a child who is unable to attend childcare? Can they demand we split the time? I felt like I was being told off and I don't know if the fact I don't like the HR woman is affecting the way I feel about this situation.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 28/04/2021 22:28

They can’t enforce it, and they are pushy and rude. So who cares what they think. ‘That’s nice dear’ it all the way - employers who care about employees deserve some loyalty, but those who don’t, don’t.

CarolinaWeeper · 28/04/2021 22:28

When I queried what would happen if his childminder had to close (for COVID) my head said I'd still be expected to attend work as 'I didn't live near my family when I had small children

To be fair, your children is not the concern of your employer. They pay you to do a job, it's up to you to sort childcare arrangements.

IEat · 28/04/2021 22:35

Unpaid leave.... rather call in and say I was sick and get paid than tell the truth and lose money .
Why an email and not a phone call ?

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Families
Watermelon1234 · 29/04/2021 13:20

It’s a stupid system which basically makes it really difficult for working parents. I can only think they make it strict because otherwise people would abuse it?

At our work we are allowed a maximum of 3 separate carers days, and some people admit to using up all their “allocated” days like it is extra holiday.

Obviously if your child is ill then they are your number one priority, and often if they’re very poorly they want their parent with them. It’s unfair to ship them off to elderly relatives, especially in the current climate. There is no option other than to stay at home.

We are lucky that dh’s work are very flexible with time off for child related reasons. His workplace basically treat their staff like adults not like children who may be trying to bunk off school.

I do feel workplaces which are flexible and understanding with staff reap the rewards in terms of staff working hard etc. Whereas those who nit pick end up causing resentment, with staff working to rule and not going above and beyond, or even lying to say they’re sick themselves.

In your situation op, if your husband will lose more money than you for taking a day off, I would simply say I was not available for both days and leave it with them. I could also understand it if you lied and said you were unwell too.

minniemomo · 29/04/2021 13:25

One day is fine but I would expect people to have alternative arrangements beyond that, work commitments don't stop because your child is sick and offices fo not have spare cover. Simply saying unpaid doesn't help get jobs done. We have all been there, we helped each other out

RedcurrantPuff · 29/04/2021 13:27

I have rarely needed to take time off for my kids and now they are bigger but in my last job the rare times I did have to it was always me who took it. I got paid dependant leave, my OH didnt. Why would he take unpaid leave when I could get paid for being off. If my manager had ever said anything I’d have handed her her arse. The place was full of people on the skive who had fuck al action taken and I did plenty of unpaid overtime.

Watermelon1234 · 29/04/2021 13:30

@minniemomo

Not everyone has accommodating friends and family nearby. The child wouldn’t be able to access a childcare setting.

I wouldn’t agree to look after any of my friends kids who had d&v, it’s up to the parents to look after them...

RedcurrantPuff · 29/04/2021 13:35

@CarolinaWeeper

When I queried what would happen if his childminder had to close (for COVID) my head said I'd still be expected to attend work as 'I didn't live near my family when I had small children

To be fair, your children is not the concern of your employer. They pay you to do a job, it's up to you to sort childcare arrangements.

And if she can’t get any childcare she can’t leave a 2 year old alone so has to stay off.
RaininSummer · 29/04/2021 13:35

I do think OPs partner should do the 2nd day but outside of that, what are these mythical alternative arrangements people can make for pukey sick children? My kids are long grown up now but when they were small I left several jobs over the years because of feeling rubbish and guilty about the children being sick (partner working away). It's very hard.

Original poster
whoami24601 · 29/04/2021 20:54

DS has been sick again tonight so now can't go to the childminders tomorrow 😫 almost exactly 48 hrs after the last one! DH has asked for the day off so I can go to work but his manager has said he can't have it and has to work as normal. Is that legal? DH works upstairs in the loft (ladder accessible) and so it really wouldn't be safe having DS up there with him. What can we do?

OP posts:
hotorcold · 29/04/2021 21:05

Can you do some work from home? One of the good things about Covid is it's made lots of employers realise how much can be done remotely.

Aliceandthemarchhare · 29/04/2021 21:07

I’d also love to know what alternative arrangements can be made for unwell children.

trilbydoll · 29/04/2021 21:10

It's not nice as an employer to know you're the one that doesn't matter, but your DH could work on oil rigs or something similarly inflexible and you would have no option to split it.

Your DH's work can't say no to emergency parental leave I don't think, the clue is in the title! Can he bring the laptop downstairs and just keep an eye on his emails?

GoldenLabbie · 29/04/2021 21:29

I can’t believe a school is behaving like this. Surely they would be more understanding given they would expect a parent to come out of work and collect and ill child?

Original poster
whoami24601 · 29/04/2021 21:31

I can't work from home unfortunately as I'm a teaching assistant so it's all done in the classroom. DH works from a desktop so no option to bring his laptop downstairs. It's a very technical job which requires specific programs that are only on his work computer. Argh! I've emailed my head and asked for advice but I fully expect her to tell me I need to work. FFS!

OP posts:
Coolerthanapolarbearstoenails · 29/04/2021 21:36

How old is DS?

EggysMom · 29/04/2021 21:37

With regards to your DH, he need to get a better understanding of any emergency/dependents leave available to him so that he can discuss the matter competently with his own manager.

I can understand you being asked whether you can share the leave burden with your husband - a child has two parents, why is it always the Mum who ends up taking emergency leave?

Coolerthanapolarbearstoenails · 29/04/2021 21:38

Tbh if he can't be off he can bring the desktop down - it didn't magically get up there. An annoying hour sorting it out now would be better than loosing a days pay?

Barbie222 · 29/04/2021 21:39

There's only unpaid leave for dependants at my school (I'm a teacher).

Original poster
whoami24601 · 29/04/2021 21:42

When we moved it up there it had to be re set up by the IT team and they had to send him bits and pieces to add to make sure it worked properly! No idea why but I definitely don't dare disturb it. We're both happy to take it unpaid (well... maybe happy is the wrong word!) but both our works are saying we can't have it at all!

OP posts:
Barbie222 · 29/04/2021 21:43

@GoldenLabbie

I can’t believe a school is behaving like this. Surely they would be more understanding given they would expect a parent to come out of work and collect and ill child?
They are workplaces too though with ratios to meet and 1:1s to fulfil. It's not fair on an sen child if the TA is repeatedly absent for whatever reason. I think for the head to have made this suggestion, she presumably knows you have a partner, and she can see that he hasn't taken time off, so it's a fair comment under the circumstances.
Original poster
whoami24601 · 29/04/2021 21:44

The issue with entitlement is that we're not sure how this applies to working from home. Before COVID neither of us have ever worked from home.

OP posts:
Original poster
whoami24601 · 29/04/2021 21:45

Oh DS is 2. Yes I'm not saying she can't ask us to share the leave. We're trying but I want to know where we stand as DH work said no to the request!

OP posts:
RedcurrantPuff · 29/04/2021 21:47

OP just take tomorrow off and be done with it. You’re a TA, they aren’t exactly well paid, they clearly don’t give 2 hoots about you or your family, just call in tomorrow and say you won’t be in.

RedcurrantPuff · 29/04/2021 21:50

And while I wouldn’t usually advocate lying you could
Just say you’ve picked up his bug. You’ll probably get it soon anyway you know what kids are like for sharing

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