Page 2 | Childhood bully now coaches me

Tal45 · 27/04/2021 13:12

I would say 'No I'm sure I've never met you before but maybe I've just completely forgotten you'. She isn't worth remembering and she should know it.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/04/2021 13:13

I’d say (calmly and politely) ‘We were at X club and I was the person you bullied.’ (Or one of the people, if there were more.)
As someone who was bullied myself, I certainly wouldn’t concern myself with her feelings. If she feels embarrassed/mortified, tough.

I’d have loved the chance to do similar with my bully, poisonous little bitch that she was.

I probably wouldn’t say it within earshot of anyone else, though.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 27/04/2021 13:14

I'm very good friends with my bully. I was her maid of honour actually. She made my life hell when we were younger though. To the point I considered suicide many times.

Original poster

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 27/04/2021 13:16

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

I'm very good friends with my bully. I was her maid of honour actually. She made my life hell when we were younger though. To the point I considered suicide many times.

Have you guys ever acknowledged the bullying?

OP posts:

NoMoreMuchin · 27/04/2021 13:22

@Letsallscreamatthesistene it's really interesting to me that you say you aren't at all interested in winning this person's good opinion how did you get to that stage do you think?

There is a cross fit gym near me I have fancied joining for a couple of years but I met the owner once a few years ago when I was still morbidly obese and he was really obnoxious to me then, so I avoid joining now as it still really upsets me when I think of it. I wish i was as over it as you are

chocolateorangeinhaler · 27/04/2021 13:24

Oh remind her big time, preferably in front of others.

I bet anything she knows exactly who you are, she's just testing the water to see if you are still a pushover.

Say one day "you know exactly who I am. You used to bully me relentlessly, but nice to see your now a P.E. Teacher, glad the attitude has dropped, girls can be such nasty creatures to one another - for no real reason".

She can either own her past or deny it. But the beauty is that as an employee she has to give you a certain standard of customer service. I'm sure it's killing her inside.

Tryingtogetbacktomysize10s · 27/04/2021 13:24

I think people can change, it wouldn’t bother me to be honest. I suppose you could mention it if you think it will help.

Tryingtogetbacktomysize10s · 27/04/2021 13:25

So become the bully then, chocolate?

shewalkslikerihanna · 27/04/2021 13:26

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Before christmas I moved to the south coast of England and joined a crossfit gym. Turns out one of my childhood bullies is a coach there. Its a bit shocking considering we both spent our childhood in Yorkshire. The bullying was at a sports club and was constant, I avoided all situations where id be near her. For context, I spent every evening at this sports club. We competed at a fairly high level in the sport, so trained a lot. My Dad was a coach there and neither parent had any idea.

Its a small gym and there is only one class that runs at anytime so its not a case of just choosing a different class to go to. I like the gym generally and am starting to make friends there, so dont really want to leave. The childhood bully recognises me but cant place me. At the class this morning she spent a good few minutes trying to rule out where she knew me from. If I didnt know her and she hadnt bullied me i'd probably think she seemed nice. Im very conflicted. What do I do? What would you do? On one hand I think I 'should' point out how we know each other, but on the other hand I think I should just let the past be and get on with things. Help! Any opinions welcome.

Good grief Chilli powder in shorts comes to mind 😂

chocolateorangeinhaler · 27/04/2021 13:27

@Tryingtogetbacktomysize10s

So become the bully then, chocolate?

No that's not bullying it's being assertive.

Threatening to get her sacked because you don't like her would be bullying.

IhateBoswell · 27/04/2021 13:30

I'm very good friends with my bully. I was her maid of honour actually. She made my life hell when we were younger though. To the point I considered suicide many times.

Holy U-turn Batman!

Original poster

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 27/04/2021 13:32

[quote NoMoreMuchin]@Letsallscreamatthesistene it's really interesting to me that you say you aren't at all interested in winning this person's good opinion how did you get to that stage do you think?

There is a cross fit gym near me I have fancied joining for a couple of years but I met the owner once a few years ago when I was still morbidly obese and he was really obnoxious to me then, so I avoid joining now as it still really upsets me when I think of it. I wish i was as over it as you are[/quote]
Oh they generally all are a bit like that - of all the ones ive met they've tended to be a bit self absorbed. I put it down to the fact they all spend a lot of time training on their own - as much as crossfit 'team' competitions exist, its an induvidual sport. Also if they own a gym they're probably going to be one of the best ones there, so spend their time surrounded by people they know they can breat. The owner of the one I go is a bit like that, but you dont have to have much to do with them. Not everyone who goes to them is like that. If I were you, id go and try it out. That said, I did leave a crossfit gym once because the owner was unbearable.

I think its my mindset thats helped me a bit. In my mind, she wasnt a nice person therefore not someone I should be bothered with. Im very black and white like that. This is also why im a bit conflicted, because she actually seems alright now.

OP posts:

Waiting423 · 27/04/2021 13:33

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

It was a long while ago but the bullying has stayed with me, im 35 now and we would have been teens. She'd be about the same age as me. I dont really have a Yorkshire accent anymore on account of moving around so much, I think I have a hint when I say certain words.

She was trying to find some common ground to try and find where she'd recognise me from - she said this during conversation. At the time I was maybe 90% sure it was her, not totally sure, so didnt want to say anything in case I was wrong. Im now completely sure it's her.

Ive changed my name on marriage, but she'd 100% place me if I told her my maiden name. My Dad used to coach her for a bit!

I’d tell her where you know her from and mention that your Dad coached her for a while . Let her remember the rest herself , I think you are in a stronger position not bringing the bullying up ... let her think she’s irrelevant to the strong adult you now are . If she tries to bring it up then the suggestion another poster posted courtesy of Sarah Milligan is a very good one

SpacemanDad · 27/04/2021 13:35

@Stickytreacle

I think I'd remind her where she knows you from, and mention that you hope she is a nicer person now. Then continue with the gym as normal, it should be her being made to feel uncomfortable about staying, not you. Hold your head up high is my advice.

Yeah I'd tell her, but I'd be tempted to be more passive agressive and tell her she seems happier now than when she was younger.

shewalkslikerihanna · 27/04/2021 13:43

My dds bully came from a very deprived background , still no excuses for making dds life hell and us educating her privately where she thrived and did well
When she met her after work one day, my Dd slim and smart in her work suit , and her tormentor looking huge, dishevelled and screaming at her 5 kids
She just said hi, Susan , nice to see you and moved on.

Different circumstances though.

RowanAlong · 27/04/2021 13:46

Head high, you carry on. If she works it out, she’ll be ashamed if she’s grown up at all.

lottieproject · 27/04/2021 13:51

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion part of me hopes you're just playing the long game waiting to ruin her fucking life 🤣 I hold grudges and can't forgive people

Wanderlusto · 27/04/2021 13:58

@Chatanooga1

I bet she knows and it’s just another tactic to make you squirm.

Yup.

It's been my experience that the majority of childhood bullies - are dickhead adults too. Perhaps just more adapt at using more underhanded tactics.

Chances are are is locking you in a power struggle.

Either act brilliantly that you dont recognise her and try to avoid any one on one time with her. Or as pp said, straight up call her out on her bs.

If she senses weakness she will attack you like a shark would if you bled in the water.

Wanderlusto · 27/04/2021 13:59

*are she is

Derbee · 27/04/2021 14:02

I’d acknowledge you’ve met before, but not give her the satisfaction of knowing she’s had such an effect on you.

“I know where we’ve met before. We both used to train at X Club”. If she starts bringing more up, “I don’t remember us being friends, you were a pretty nasty teenager!” And move on.

If she acknowledges that she used to be a little bitch, and she seems nice now, then be friendly. If she’s still a little bitch, ignore

Love51 · 27/04/2021 14:03

I'm moved in 4 houses down from my school bully. The problem is, when I say school bully, I was an NQT, she was the Head. The school closed down, she is no longer in a leadership position. I found a better job than teaching. She is the only person I've ever held a grudge against. It annoys me every time she walks past my house.
No advice, buckets of sympathy, OP.

aiwblam · 27/04/2021 14:07

I would simply say before I got married I was called Louise Cooper and we trained in gymnastics at the (whatever) gym in Yorkshire.

I wouldn’t say anything more. If you are neutral it may elicit an apology. But either way it doesn’t matter.

Also if you don’t tell her, she may work it out given time.

nellly · 27/04/2021 14:09

I can across my school bully a few years ago who made my life hell after I moved to a rural area in year 6.

I was out with a big group of friends having a blast, she was working behind a busy bar and it looked hectic.

She was all smiles "Nelly? Nelly!! It's me ... Rosie" all expectant

I half smiled at her a bit blankly and said "sorry do I know you?"

She looked a bit taken aback and said we went to school together for a few years. I just smiled my sweetest smile and said "oh sorry, I moved there in year 6 and met so many people I couldn't possibly remember them all." Repeated our drink order and and just watched her serve me.

It was very satisfying leaving her thinking she had so little power and impact over my life that I didn't remember her 10 years later. I highly recommend pretending you don't recognise her at all

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 27/04/2021 14:28

@lottieproject, I'm not 🤣. She has done that to herself. To be honest. She was clearly always a really unhappy person. Not that that should have been taken out on me.

Now I stand for no ones shit though, but I am a very forgiving person. I just sort of accept things and move on.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 27/04/2021 14:31

Have you guys ever acknowledged the bullying?

Nope. I wasn't the only one she bullied, but I definitely got it the worst, and it was only ever one person at a time. If she decided it was your turn, it was relentless, and no one was allowed to be your friend. I have no idea how she managed to get so many people to go along with it.
One friend brought it up once, but she denied it. We all know she knows fine what she did though.