Writing funeral plans?!

[Happylittlebluebird]

Have any of you done this or am I just plain weird?!!

I like to be organised

I've done it so my kids know what I want. My mother did it and it made things much easier

@RaraRachael Pleased I'm not the only one! I have three kids but only one that would attend, but agree that it will ease their pain hopefully.

And also because I'm terrified someone will want to add something religious, probably the in-laws or someone like that!!

Yes my parents have done theirs and I've done mine.

@RuthW Thanks. I feel a bit more normal now!!

All I know is at 40 I'm moving towards older age and who knows what is just around life's corner?

It gives me comfort knowing it's done.

Why would only one attend?

My funeral wishes are written in my will. I was early 30's when it was written.

Yes, I've done mine down to the music, a slide show and a little "talk" from me to my family. Of course I'll update it occasionally so it will be current. I hated having to make decisions when my parents died - not knowing what music to play, what "readings" to use, made it stressful. This way my children won't have that problem.

@HollowTalk Oh because my ex turned them against me when they were teenagers. I only want people there that would actually mourn me!! My third child is from second marriage.

I've never written a will as I have zero assets or money. Makes things easier at least

And genuinely...and I mean genuinely here...I want "Ding Dong The Witch is Dead" from the Wizard of Oz as the final song!!

Not to everyone's taste I know, but it sums up my humour

Not weird imho, actually I'm about to re-write my plan next week or so, after having the original in place for quite a few years, it just needs updating.

OP I also don't want anyone introducing anything religious which seems to be what most people want, but it's not what I want. I also want a private cremation, just me and the crem staff, that's more than enough and there is no need for anyone to be notified (before or after).

Might not suit everyone, but this will be one day that's about me and what I want...for a change!

@WindyRose I share similar views to you. Never had any ceremony in a church since becoming an adult and I don't intend to fake it re a non-existent religion upon my death either!!!

Happy totally agree. I think it's hypocritical to have a church/religious funeral if you don't practice religion at other times.

At one funeral I attended, the minister was praying and blessing etc when the deceased was the most non-religious person I've ever met and generally not a nice person in that he would do horrible things to other people. If anyone had walked into that church during the service, they would have thought a really nice and good person had died, when in fact it was the opposite.

I would jump out of my coffin yelling and screaming if that happened to me!!! LOL

Just because you write it down, doesn’t mean they’ll do it. You do need to discuss it with your child. My mum’s written down what she wants, but some of it just isn’t practical. I’ll do my best but she won’t get everything. She won’t know.

@WindyRose Ha ha me too!!

My MIL was horrified that I didn't want a church wedding and then asked if we'd be getting out daughter christened!!! Um...nope!

Tbf though, her son's first marriage was in a church. Which is nuts because he hates religion even more than I do!!

@HeddaGarbled She's only eleven months currently! But I will when I can.

I'd say it depends what you've put in there.

Wishes to be cremated vs buried, type of coffin, type of service etc. fine.

Demands that certain people can't attend, or that certain people have to perform particular roles, make speeches, act a particular way, not so fine.

In my opinion funerals are for those left behind and this sounds like it would be very hard on your daughter and not particularly easy for the other two. Who gets to tell them they're not allowed to be there because you've decided their style of mourning isn't the right style?

Have you specified in this plan who will be the one to turn them away? Have you considered that although you think the song choice fits your sense of humour, your daughter might not want to sit through "ding dong the witch is dead" at the worst moment of her life?

"She's only eleven months currently! But I will when I can."

Aw that makes it worse. How do you expect a child to understand your "sense of humour" with that god awful song playing at her mums funeral?

I think it’s odd, you won’t know, it won’t make a difference to you at all because you won’t actually be there watching.

I don’t really care what happens to my body once I’m gone; burn it and Chuck it in a firework for all I care.

@denverRegina You've misunderstood I think? They wouldn't want to attend. I wouldn't be turning them away.

But if prefer for the mourners to be those who would actually mourn me tbh. Feels more genuine that way.

You're going to have a funeral one day. Ease the decision making by leaving your wishes, but they can't be enforced and you'll never know if they were carried out.

@denverRegina She'd have learnt my SOH by then I would hope!!! She would get it as an adult for sure.

"I only want people there that would actually mourn me!!"

Maybe, but you said this. Sounds like you'd written in specifics about who can attend.

I find it really strange that you say you want it to "feel genuine" yet your daughter is so little but you've picked a really cruel song to be played.

There is humour and then there's utter thoughtlessness for those that are genuinely mourning you.

@denverRegina It's awful to you maybe, but my wishes. And you don't know me so you wouldn't be there anyway lol.

@denverRegina Well I am 40 so she's likely to be an adult when I croak it. To me, death isn't about feeling sad.

Of course I haven't specified who can attend but it would be a very small affair.

"She'd have learnt my SOH by then I would hope!!! She would get it as an adult for sure."

Right. So then you rewrite it when you're sure she'd want and get it. Ridiculous to risk your husband forging ahead with what you've put on paper now because he's trying to honour your wishes when your child won't be able to really understand this for at least 15 years or so.