Writing funeral plans?!

[Happylittlebluebird]

Have any of you done this or am I just plain weird?!!

I like to be organised

You wouldn't really want ding dong the witch is dead though would you as someone who buried both parents at a young age I definitely did not want everyone to be in hysterical laughter at their funerals..maybe grow up a bit

I have mine written down, ad hoc in a purple notebook, I intend to transcribe it when I buy a nice black notebook which will be known as the book of doom.

Funeral plans for me, DH, DS ( it happens his best friend died at 17)

Pension provider information

Passwords to banks, premium bonds etc.,

Telephone number for the local church (for DS and I )

Telephone number for the local crem for the remaining heathen (DH)(family joke)

Telephone numbers for local venues for post funeral lunch, probably rugby club for DH and I and if he dies young (God forbid) 'spoons for DS.

Specific pieces of jewellery and where I want them to go, (all to stay with my nieces and one non family God daughter)

When we can travel again, I intend to take this book home and have this conversation with my elderly mother and make sure to note her wishes re funeral and jewellery.

It is actually very liberating for all involved.

"Well I am 40 so she's likely to be an adult when I croak it. To me, death isn't about feeling sad."

Or

"All I know is at 40 I'm moving towards older age and who knows what is just around life's corner?"

So which one is it? Very childish and insensitive to the people left. Death isn't all about sadness but it's hardly a joyous occasion just for the lolz

There would only probably be a couple of attendees tbh. My fiancé and my daughter. They would totally get it. And I would not want them to mourn for me!

@denverRegina That's what I want though - a celebration of my life, not sadness at my death!!

Yes my mum did it and it made things much easier.
I thought I might download an order of service template and start adding photos and songs I'd like to that, but I haven't got round to it yet.

@Kittykat93 It would only be that know my SOH attending. I want them to be laughing and smiling!!

Of course you don't, but they will. It is a natural human reaction and very normal.

Your daughter is too young to understand, it's utterly cruel of you to have her potentially sit through the most heartbreaking funeral alone with her dad, listening to that song!

Normally I'm not a bit selfish, but as far as funeral plans go, then it's all about what I want for the first time ever.

Happy, we didn't want a church wedding but my adoptive parents wouldn't give permission if we didn't marry in the church. I would have waited (so we didn't need their approval) but DH just wanted me out of there so I didn't have to suffer any further abuse from a/father.

Sometimes religion brings out the worst in people and that's what I can't tolerate.

Hedda, I know what I write won't be binding but I have included a clause that will make anyone think twice about changing things. Still no guarantee and that's why I want it all done and dusted 'before' anyone knows...they won't care anyway.

@denverRegina She would have her dad. She would be fine But ateotd I would be happy for him to say no to my request if he thought she was going to be upset by it.

The idea that people would actually mourn me in my death fills me with dread. Be happy I have lived!

I want
Cheap coffin
Lots of flowers , ideally from people’s gardens or natural looking
Simple ceremony that is not religious
As my coffin is taken into crematorium I want Club Tropicana ( my favourite ❤️ )
Someone saying something nice about me ( or undertaker reading it ) ( maybe I should write it ?)
As everyone leaves
Let it go ( from Frozen )
And yes , my DH and my DSIS know what I desire
Back to house for food , drinks and chat

My mum has written so much I think it's actually going to be a 3 day event rather than an hour long funeral!!!

@Doilooklikeatourist That sounds beautiful

@Blueuggboots An hour?!!! I'm hoping mine will be done and dusted in 10 mins!!

We've discussed this quite extensively. My mum had picked out various music she wanted played at her funeral and at what point. She'd made notes as to why she'd chosen the music. It did give a structure to planning her funeral, plus we'd had numerous other family members' funerals to go by which she'd been directly involved in planning.

However, for me I've said I'm not doing similar. It's up to the people 'left behind' to decide how they want to remember me. I'll be dead and won't know any different.

Plus, as I've opted to donate my body to science (if they want it, of course) they may not even be a body to cremate so it would be more of a memorial.

"The idea that people would actually mourn me in my death fills me with dread."

It would be impossible for your daughter not to mourn the loss of her mother. To hear those awful, wicked lyrics in an echoing room with only her mum in a coffin and her dad hysterically laughing his head off would scar her for life.

Poor kid. What's wrong with "don't worry be happy" or something upbeat as opposed to a song that is actually all about celebrating the fact you're dead - that's the very opposite of being "happy you lived"

I have a file on computer for when I pass. It contains information on gas, electricity, council tax. My NI number, all bank account details with sort code and account numbers and pass codes, life insurance details, details of btl mortgages and rents paid by each tenant, details of gas, electrical and energy certificates for each house. Details of who I want to receive minor pieces of jewelry and my best china dinner services ( I have a lot as I collect them). I included phone number for a skip hire incase they need it. Cremation preferred but a seat memorial at cricket club I am member of would be nice.

I think funerals are for the ones left behind, not the dead so I wouldn't dictate anything (or try to). They should do what they want to celebrate/mourn/rejoice in my passing.

If they love me then they'll know what's best. It'll be meaningless to me. I'll be dead. They're the ones who'll remember the shitty funeral I wanted and felt they had to provide. I'd rather leave it to them.
I would though make it easier in terms of paying for stuff/ordering casket etc in advance. Money should be my responsibility.

@denverRegina Never assume your kids will mourn your loss. My lads certainly won't!! I am prob a witch to them anyway

@Alonelonelylonersbadidea Oh I'd be paying for it too - cheapest possible options! No flowers! Spend your money on something you can appreciate!

Ding Dong would be perfect. In my original plan I wanted 'The only disappointment in the family, was me' (Slim Dusty, Aus Country singer) but the people this was meant for have since died so it wouldn't have the same significance.

Gatehouse, recently I've been in touch with a nearby university to donate my body but they won't accept that I've chosen the Public Trustee as executor, they 'need' a private person. Another option which I think might suit better is a body farm.

Some research centres only want a body for up to approx 10 years, then it's returned to the family for a funeral, of course, at the families expense...in other words, the university only 'borrow' the body for a few years then give it back. I am not sure this would create another set of problems, hence looking further.

Doilooklikeatourist mine will be a low cost thing too, a bunch of hand-picked seasonal flowers, some nice music and a bottle of bubbly for the crematorium staff.

@denverRegina Also I don't want an inside funeral. No echoing rooms please!

Somewhere in the depths of the Aviva website I came across a form which you can print off and express all your funeral wishes including music etc. I recoiled when I first saw it but now at 57...

I also need to do a list for my jewellery (no children but several nieces and some close fridnds).

And in light of covid, I wanted to write a letter for DH in case we couldn't say goodbye but it seems a step too morbid.

@StCharlotte That sounds useful. Will take a look.

I have no jewellery of any value so not a problem with that lol!

Happy, your adult kids sound just like mine, but it was their respective spouses who turned them against me...when they discovered I wasn't loaded! Sad but true and how people 'think' they know the size of your bank account and couldn't be more wrong if they tried.

denverRegina with all due respect, you can do what you want for your funeral, but please don't preach to other people what you think they should have. We are all different!