Dc shoved a child at school

[NoEffingWay]

Ds (9) was at school when a peer called DS 'useless at everything'. This upset ds and he retaliated by shoving the peer, unfortunately this meant that the peer made contact with some railings which were nearby. Peer was unhurt, thankfully, and ds immediately said sorry. I found out some 24 hours later, and have given ds a strongly worded telling off.
I can't help but think (privately) that ds was provoked, and that the peer who called him 'useless' was goading. He shouldn't have been shoved, but I can understand DS becoming upset and annoyed.
I have taken away DS's tv, cancelled after school and weekend activities and have talked at him for hours about how what he has done constitutes assault, and how he needs to behave in future. He plans to apologise again tomorrow and is genuinely remorseful.
I am getting it in the neck from the other childs parent who has said her ds was being 'silly' and that my ds was 'viscous'.
Any thoughts?

I'd leave it with the talking to and possibly some loss of tech time that night for mine.

My line is "never be the one that starts it".
Retaliation is far more grey. Of course reactions like walking away, telling an adult etc are far better, but the reality is that sometimes a shove is the clearest message that you are not a person to be messed with. I've had bullies that took no notice of the nice, diplomatic responses, but never went near me again after their attempt at getting physical ended with them falling to the ground with a wonderful crack across the nose from a metal bag buckle as it swung round fortuitously. I didn't plan that bit but it was a bonus.

If everyone stuck with not starting it, the world would be the better place, but life is not that simple. Teach the diplomatic way. Mild consequence for retaliating. Save the harder consequences for if they ever intitiate it.

"Cry-bully" is a good description, and the type that does have a parent who thinks their precious darling does no wrong is worth keeping contact to a perfunctory minimum with.

It was unreasonable for the other parent to approach you at all; very bad practice and does more harm than good. As for their ‘assessment’ of your DS, I would have told them where to go. Their child is clearly a nasty bully and IMO got what their deserved. DS1 shoved another child when they repeatedly made nasty comments to him and apologised. No further punishment was given by me or the school.

The other parent should be paying close attention to her child’s nasty behaviour. Next time he does it the recipient might well do more than just giving him a shove.

What the other kid said was vicious not silly.