Any parents experienced with teens and escort sites

[Hectorshousewasfab]

Friend has found her daughter using an escort site to earn money. Still at school, just turned 18 and lives outside the family. Mother is devastated and school want police involved.
Has anyone had any experience like this they can share? Daughter seems oblivious to dangers and just says she wants to be financially independent.
Can anyone share any experience of this!?

Sorry OP but nothing she's doing is illegal. You may not like it, her parents may not like it, school may not like it, but frankly there's not much any of you can do because she's an adult. Even escorting isn't illegal!

Maybe the NSPCC?

Also since the parents created the situation by giving her a place of her own to conduct her services in, I don't see why it's anything to do with school. She has a nice set up.
The school aren't the parent. It's nothing to do with school, how she spends her free time.
Maybe they should make her move home?

@KurtWilde but it’s so hard to deal with. Parents have sacrificed so much for her to attend a top school and achieve a place at Oxbridge and now this! Mother is falling apart as like you say at 18 they are classed as adults but with little experience of how this is so dangerous and possibly creates big problems later on, mental health, sexual health etc not even thinking about social media !

The normalisation of Prostitution and in her daughters words “ post feminism “ means any fear is totally missing from her Dd.

Ok I'm going to weigh in that Parents have made a monumentally naive decision to transfer rent money to an 18 year old. I guess said 18 year old is strong minded and persuasive and convinced parents it was a good idea.

The only agencies that might get involved are drugs and alcohol if that were an issue, or a local charity that has expertise in sexual exploitation if they were prepared to take the referral (because the local authority won't pay them because of her age so they'd have to fund the suppprt themselves.)

If I were in the parents shoes, having been a youth worker and having supported a vulnerable family member, the responsibility on the parents is to stop enabling this to happen and show a firm stand from a place of concern.

I would be telling her I want her home that weekend and then submitting 1 months notice to leave the property. Then you will both meet with school and work with her to set some goals. I would explain what the long term risks of escorting are, while trying to be understanding, and giving guidance. As she works towards goals, help her financially, but be firm that you can't release further money in her current situation.

I'd also report the landlord to the Police. There is no context in which it was not sexual exploitation if she was 17 at the time.

“Child sexual exploitation is a form of child abuse. It occurs where anyone under the age of 18 is persuaded, coerced or forced into sexual activity in exchange for, amongst other things, money, drugs/alcohol, gifts, affection or status."

I was hoping there was someplace I could point her distraught mother for support as well as understand why school could only offer the police as a solution.

@MyPatchworkQuilt
Thank you for a really good post.

They've sacrificed so much? Yes sacrificed a strong parental relationship to guide her through this.
They have thrown money at a top Indy and a place to live and sadly expect school to look after her out of school hours?
Maybe they should have packed her off to boarding school.

Harsh but true.

It's all very well demanding she come home this weekend, giving her a months notice on the rent etc but one vital thing is missing from that. She's an adult, once she's living outside the home you can't 'demand' anything! And if she's making money from escorting and has something going on with the landlord, she really won't care if the parents withhold rent payments.

I fully agree it's not the best situation for her, but now she lives outside the home, clearly has found a source of alternative income, and is over 18, there's very little control anyone can exert over her.

It's likely that alcohol and drugs are involved tbh also as with the student girls I know who have done similar, some had issues in that direction also.
Might not be really serious, but may we'll be there. She needs support before heading to uni really

Why is she so eager to be independent?
Does she want to go to university?
Does she have any friends that could talk to her?

So many young girls go on those sugar daddy websites, it's completely normalised to them through sites like TikTok. She seems to want complete control of her life and her circumstances. Is her dad in the picture? Has there been any issues with her dad?

OP you said the girl wanted to move out to focus solely on her studies as her school was some distance from home... I'd say she's used this reason as she's head strong and wanted her independence. I was the same at 17/18. I went to uni at just 18 but was out with older mates etc well before then. Im now thinking maybe she just wanted to break free? I think her mum needs to accept she's an adult

Just spoken again with mother. Seems her Dd is in a “ relationship” with landlord. No possibility of girl returning home. I’m at a loss as she is now saying she will tell school it was miscommunication

But has now encouraged her sister to sign up to sugar Daddy website

She’s not going to inform police and let school take that responsibility. At this point I’m thinking mother won’t accept advice and needs to work this out her way!

It's literally nothing to do with school.
She's not their responsibility out of hours.

I was living on my own at 18 years old and I'd have been furious if my parents started getting involved in my personal life.

This with bells on. I was living on my own, working, getting professional qualifications at night AND a single mother to a child when I was 18.

Mumsnet has such a warped view of... life. Just actual real life in general.

It doesn't sound like this woman (yes, woman!!! Grown, adult, woman) is addicted to drugs or been trafficked or abused or neglected or fallen on desperate times or anything else. She sounds clever (top performing student) and comfortable (parent's paying for living expenses).

I hope the police / social work / NSPCC / fire brigade / army and whoever else MN advises you to contact tell you that.

Is it great? No. Is it what I'd want for my daughter at that age? No. Would I be doing everything within my own power to talk her out of it? Yes, absolutely. What mother wouldn't?

But to say it's safeguarding or illegal (someone mentioned youth offending team - WTAF!) is madness. I know a couple of girls, now women, from school who went down the whole OnlyFans, AdultWork, Party in Dubai during Covid line of work (with no addictions or abuse driving them into it) and they're all perfectly content. And loaded.

I wouldn't want my daughter doing it because murder statistics, but I wouldn't want her to be a soldier either. I especially wouldn't want her working on a farm, those death and injury statistics are scary. Yet at 18 she can legally do all three.

[quote Timeforabiscuit]@KurtWilde there is no magic switch that goes off at 18 - and police and social care know this! They will engage and support NOT based on an arbitrary line drawn at age, but a risk profile of behaviours, the hard line has been done away with particularly with care leavers.[/quote]
LOL Try referring an 18 year old to child protection and see how that goes for you.

@nimbuscloud

Maybe the NSPCC?

She's not a child though

As others have clearly advised you, this isn't a children's safeguarding issue. The only way it will be considered an adult safeguarding issue is if she fits the legal definition of a vulnerable adult as described in the The Care Act 2014. Nothing you have described suggests that to be the case.

What on earth the mother was doing to send that girl off to live in the care of a man that she is now in a relationship, I have no idea. There must be more of a backstory?

The girl is maybe only a few months off university? It is a sad but true fact that many female undergraduate students are involved in similar things to pay their way through uni. It's not ok but it's where we are.

The mums best bet now is to try and maintain a relationship with her daughter in the hope she comes to her when things go wrong. Trying to get every agency under the sun who ultimately have no authority to intervene involved will simply shut the relationship down further. Trying to shut the gate once the horse has bolted sadly springs to mind here

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep
Yes I know she’s not a child. But I would imagine there are other under 18 year olds who are in similar situations and the NSPCC may have advice on where the mother can get support.

Did you post here when the girl first moved out? I'm sure I remember a post about a young girl living alone so she was nearer school and able to focus on studies, and the OP wondering whether it was acceptable.