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Original poster

Can anyone settle this argument.

62 replies

catsarebetter · 22/04/2021 09:30

So the situation is that I gave up work to bring up the kids, the youngest is now in junior school and hubby keeps lecturing me about starting work again saying that the job market has changed and that he knows more than me about jobs and going to work. The sticking point is the 13 weeks of school holidays, we have no family that can help with childcare and he doesn't want to pay for childcare as that rather defeats the object of working. The argument we have is that he works full time, leaves the house at 7am,gets back at 6pm and he doesn't want me working evenings/weekends as it will disrupt family life too much but he says that if I get a part time job that fits in with school hours, that once I get my foot in the door they will probably allow me to have the majority of school holidays off as work places are desperate to keep good people.
I think this is ridiculous and have said that I am not going to lie to a company to get a job and then start saying that in a few weeks time I need the school holidays off. He says lots of people do it and its no problem, so my question is this.
Is there anybody who has a part time job that fits in with school hours (obviously I'm not talking about school jobs) and is allowed the majority of school holidays off.

OP posts:

Grognonne · 22/04/2021 09:32

Well if he thinks it’s no problem and lots of people do it, why doesn’t he ask his work if they’d let him have the summer holidays off?

purpleme12 · 22/04/2021 09:33

Lol this is funny
As if an all year round job would just magically give you all school holidays off!
God if only that was the case!

Seeline · 22/04/2021 09:35

And what happens when everyone wants school holidays off? I'm sure some colleagues will have school-aged kids!

Original poster

catsarebetter · 22/04/2021 09:37

Good point, like it, must remember to ask him that.
Thanks for making me smile.

OP posts:

Weenurse · 22/04/2021 09:38

He wants you to do all and be all, doesn’t he?
I don’t know of any business that would agree to this.
As PP said, others would have children and need that time off too.

Silverfly · 22/04/2021 09:40

He's living in cloud cuckoo land.

NewlyGranny · 22/04/2021 09:41

Ask him to put the scenario to his own boss. If they don't want to lose him, surely they'll agree to giving him 13 weeks off every year!

If his boss says yes, problem solved, you find a job and he does the parenting in the school holidays.

If his boss laughs derisively and says no, you just ask him why he imagines any other employer would react differently.

FeelinSpendy · 22/04/2021 09:42

I know someone who has just negotiated this with their company, so it is possible. They work 4 days a week term time, and not at all during school holidays.
However, they are in a professional job that is mainly project-based (tends to be less busy over summer) and have been with their company for over 10 years, working their way up.
I was very surprised to be honest and don’t really understand how it could work, if a project ran over etc. I don’t think the company I work for would allow this, and I’d be concerned that I’d be considered the most ‘disposable’ person in the team and would have to work extra hours after school holidays to catch up.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 22/04/2021 09:42

Your husband is in cloud cuckoo land. Unless you negotiate a term time contract, there's no way in hell an employer would let you have all of the school holidays off.

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/04/2021 09:45

I'm not sure if he's deluded or stupid. Term time only jobs are hard to find. Lots of offices have policies to stop people doing this and making the school holidays a nightmare for everyone else.

Children of working parents need safe reliable childcare and 2 parents prepared to be part of the picking up and drop off, otherwise its very easy for a woman to decide she's better of being single.

HollowTalk · 22/04/2021 09:46

Ggggggggvvvvvvvccvvvvvvggg

Original poster

catsarebetter · 22/04/2021 09:49

All excellent responses - thanks. I wish I could've come up with all these answers at the time, but I was just so blindsided that all I kept saying was 'I'm sure that's not possible' , which he just kept on replying that I 'don't know what the work market is like anymore and how will I know until I try'. Well I don't know that I'll kill myself if I jump off a cliff but I'm not about to try that either!!

OP posts:

caringcarer · 22/04/2021 09:50

Surely the only term time jobs are teacher, and they often work over holidays at home, supply teacher, classroom assistant and dinner lady. I have not heard of any others. Ask him which of above he wants you to do.

notagainmummy · 22/04/2021 09:50

Most women do return to work once children are in school (or before) and make it work. I'm with your DH on this. There are temp jobs, where you choose your own hours, night work, weekend work, evening work, holiday care for the DC is also possible. If your DH doesn't like the evening or night option, he can lump it.

Timeforabiscuit · 22/04/2021 09:50

God loves a tryer!

Seriously reconsider holiday childcare though, we use a combination of hobby work shops and sports activity clubs (tennis has been a favourite). The kids have really benefitted from time away from school (and us).

Between those and annual leave its been absolutely fine, we just put by each month to cover the holiday childcare.

notagainmummy · 22/04/2021 09:51

What training or skills do you have?

imalmostthere · 22/04/2021 09:53

I'm in this boat! I wanted to go to work part time when dc starts school this year, but how - it seems impossible when I'm the one who drops them and collects them, and will be with them
For all holidays! It just doesn't seem possible! Couldn't afford childcare for that length. It annoys me so much when people say how easy it is, when they have family members who happily or are able to watch dc - that makes a huge difference. We don't have that luxury unfortunately, so the only option is for me to be a housewife - which I actually really enjoy, and am happy to do. I just cannot stand the judgemental "when are you getting a job" comments, from people who's parents have their children 5 days a week so they can work.

Cocksinsocks · 22/04/2021 09:53

Lots of parents both work full time with no family support. They use things like childcare...
You could do temping or contracting? Casual zero hours stuff? What's your counter proposal or do you just not want to work 39 weeks a year because of the other 13?

imalmostthere · 22/04/2021 09:55

@Cocksinsocks

Lots of parents both work full time with no family support. They use things like childcare... You could do temping or contracting? Casual zero hours stuff? What's your counter proposal or do you just not want to work 39 weeks a year because of the other 13?

Sure - but you'd need a pretty well paying job to afford to cover childcare, or to make it worthwhile. If I went back to work, it would literally only cover the childcare costs, and barely at that. So what's the point?

Original poster

catsarebetter · 22/04/2021 09:56

Thanks @Timeforabiscuit it's nice to hear how others manage it. Most of my friends fit in work around their partners or have family to cover in the holidays. You must be super organised to plan all that. Thumbs up to you.

OP posts:

ShowOfHands · 22/04/2021 09:58

We are extremely lucky in that I have the situation your DH describes. I started doing 15hrs when my youngest went to school, now do 30hrs but fit it into school hours. I've negotiated working from home and a reduced timetable during school holidays and it works.

I am the only person I know who has this set up. 100% of my friends use childcare or they divide up holidays with their spouse and take it in turns to cover childcare.

Cocksinsocks · 22/04/2021 10:00

@imalmostthere what's the point in op going back to work - any kind of work even part time and irregular - so she doesn't wake up one day having done nothing in the workplace for 20 years and is unable to ever work again? What's the point of going back to work and contributing to the family finances so her DH doesn't feel like everything is on him to do so?

Dunno can't think of a reason.

Icancelledthecheque · 22/04/2021 10:00

Your husband appears to be looking for a unicorn.

No, that’s not how real life works!

Timeforabiscuit · 22/04/2021 10:01

Not going to lie I have spreadsheets, cost calculators and Google maps to thank, living in a large town helps!

JustJoinedRightNow · 22/04/2021 10:01

I am in this boat and decided to retrain as a TA. As it is I’ll still need before and after school care because I can’t be in two places at once, despite my DH telling me it’s fine and my brand new employer won’t mind if I’m habitually late for shifts

I haven’t actually started work yet because appointments keep popping up which of course I need to take the children to. His work is too busy (he’s the only earner currently) so he won’t entertain the idea of taking them to these appointments to allow me to start working. But at the same time asks me everyday if I’ve handed my CV in yet. Well no, because I can’t really hand my CV in for casual work and then say, but actually I’m not available for the next four weeks....

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