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Original poster

Can anyone settle this argument.

62 replies

catsarebetter · 22/04/2021 09:30

So the situation is that I gave up work to bring up the kids, the youngest is now in junior school and hubby keeps lecturing me about starting work again saying that the job market has changed and that he knows more than me about jobs and going to work. The sticking point is the 13 weeks of school holidays, we have no family that can help with childcare and he doesn't want to pay for childcare as that rather defeats the object of working. The argument we have is that he works full time, leaves the house at 7am,gets back at 6pm and he doesn't want me working evenings/weekends as it will disrupt family life too much but he says that if I get a part time job that fits in with school hours, that once I get my foot in the door they will probably allow me to have the majority of school holidays off as work places are desperate to keep good people.
I think this is ridiculous and have said that I am not going to lie to a company to get a job and then start saying that in a few weeks time I need the school holidays off. He says lots of people do it and its no problem, so my question is this.
Is there anybody who has a part time job that fits in with school hours (obviously I'm not talking about school jobs) and is allowed the majority of school holidays off.

OP posts:

Original poster

catsarebetter · 22/04/2021 10:05

@imalmostthere Exactly the same, I enjoy being a housewife and doing all the kid stuff and being with them in holidays, but then I also loved my work when I was working but I do seem to get a lot of judgement on my not 'providing for the family'.

@Cocksinsocks Think I will start looking at zero hours contract work and short term contracts. It's not really the feasibility of me working though that's the problem, I know I can make it work with planning, it's more the point that he says that 'loads' of employers would let me have all that time off with a normal part time job.

OP posts:

DancesWithDaffodils · 22/04/2021 10:09

After 5 years off, I've got back into work, on a term time only contract. I'm in a school - but not in the classroom. Schools have office staff, finance officers, data handlers, support staff in practical subjects, librarians, chefs cleaners and I'm sure a host of other roles I've omitted.
We have before and after school care organised, and DH had committed to taking off ALL teacher training days.
I think you will struggle to get the 13 weeks off, plus 9.30-2.30 days. If you can get one or the other, I'd say you are doing very well.

anotherwayout · 22/04/2021 10:12

I have a full time job that allows me most of the holidays off. I pay for after school care and holiday clubs alongside annual leave. We have no family anywhere nearby.
However I also have a husband who does his fair share of school drop offs and pick ups and looking after the kids during the holidays.
Your DH has his foot in the door already, and I'm assuming he is a good worker and his job want to keep him. So he can take the holidays off, and work more flexibly to do school drop offs or pick ups so I don't know what the problem is

Notaroadrunner · 22/04/2021 10:22

Whatever about him wanting you to get a job and provide financially towards the family, he cannot dictate that you don't work evenings or weekends. The only reason he's saying that is most likely so he won't have to mind the kids, cook, clean while you're not around to do it. So if I were you I'd look at local supermarkets, clothes shops etc and see what's available for evening or weekend work, rather than tying yourself in knots looking for a day job where you'll get all holidays off. He's seriously delusional!

Cocksinsocks · 22/04/2021 10:31

Yeah your DH is being thick but it's distracting from the bigger picture

Lou98 · 22/04/2021 10:59

I'm thinking this isn't so much about the whether you work or not but the fact that your DH is being so condescending about it?

I personally do think that a SAH parent does only work if both parties are happy with the set up and so is fair enough to ask you to go back to work, but equally he can't have it both ways and needs to accept that that either means working evenings/weekends or paying for childcare. He can't dictate that he wants you to go back to work but not do either of these things. Alternatively, cut his own hours etc.

It would be the fact of him telling you you don't understand the job market anymore etc while thinking it's easy to get a term time only job that would piss me off!

Shinyletsbebadguys · 22/04/2021 11:38

People who claim that this is an easily available option are always people who have never actually tried to do it . I always love the lovely lists of temp jobs and retraining. With complete lack of practical knowledge about how it really works.

I've finally got a family friendly job. It allows me to pick up my Dc and be the sole parent at home (DP works away a lot). It meant that I am sole childcare the majority of the time. That said for holidays I do have to rely on Exdh , DP and my own annual leave to cover it so in that way I am extremely lucky.

I wouldn't be able to retain the job for long if I was sole childcare option for all holidays.

It also took me 22 years to develop the experience to teach in my industry. Two extra qualifications.

Qhilst I'm not doubting you could do it, its not like waving a magic wand and suddenly creating the situation at the drop of a hat. He is remarkably demanding for someone who apparently isn't prepared to pick up any of the slack!

GappyValley · 22/04/2021 11:44

If someone was returning after mat leave to a job they are really good at, and it was part of the negotiations, I can see a company might allow some flexibility during school holidays of compressed hours, wfh or similar.

But the situation your DH is describing for a new joiner who has been out of the job market for ages? Not a CHANCE

so that leaves term-time only roles within a school, or roles with shifts where you could do evenings, nights, weekends during holidays with a combination of part time childcare plus him looking after them?

Or you have to do what everyone else does and use holiday clubs, camps, play schemes, childminders during the holidays...

FlyingBurrito · 22/04/2021 11:45

The sticking point is the 13 weeks of school holidays, we have no family that can help with childcare and he doesn't want to pay for childcare as that rather defeats the object of working

That's nonsense, how could the cost of 13 weeks of childcare be more than you're earning. Even if you took 2 week of holiday at the same time you'd both have another 3 weeks to cover the holidays taking it down to only 5 weeks you'd need cover for.

Unless you have the world's most expensive child care there's no way it would cost more than even a part time annual wage.

As everyone ese has already said he's bonkers if he thinks non-school type jobs allow even the best workers to duck out everytime schools are closed

Flipflopblowout · 22/04/2021 11:57

Even if your wages are used to pay for child care during the holidays you are still making contributions to your old age pension which is important but may not seem so right now.

imalmostthere · 22/04/2021 14:43

[quote Cocksinsocks]@imalmostthere what's the point in op going back to work - any kind of work even part time and irregular - so she doesn't wake up one day having done nothing in the workplace for 20 years and is unable to ever work again? What's the point of going back to work and contributing to the family finances so her DH doesn't feel like everything is on him to do so?

Dunno can't think of a reason.[/quote]
Neither can I, not when it would make some people financially worse off.
In my case my Dh would rather I stay at home so our finances don't go on childcare, so your sarcasm doesn't bother me in the slightest. Have a lovely day

UnbeatenMum · 22/04/2021 14:50

I've had two different part time jobs since my DC went to school. One for a large company where I could 'buy' 2 additional weeks holiday but no more (i.e. 7 weeks in total). The other for a small company where there was no flexibility at all because the role couldn't allow for it. I used holiday clubs, grandparents and DH used some holiday to cover the days I had to work when they were off. I think working in a school or working for yourself are probably your best options, or DH being a bit more realistic...

bottyg · 22/04/2021 14:59

I have about 8 wks off - 3 unpaid & am p/t but know I was ridiculously lucky to get that. Plus I can wfh during holidays.

But I got this job before dc were in school so still paid for childcare. Initially my earnings were similar to childcare but I have had 2 promotions & on track for another one.

DH could afford & was happy to pay for childcare though.

ArianaDumbledore · 22/04/2021 15:01

How many people where he works have this arrangement??
I worked for one firm where they were pretty flexible over what shifts you did e.g. could swap to evenings in school holidays. But it did involve one weekend shift.

He basically resents you being at home if the children aren't but won't accept he will need to provide childcare himself or pay for it for the majority of jobs available.

bottyg · 22/04/2021 15:01

Oh & despite DH having the "better" job we share sick days & he also helps with pick ups/drop offs.

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/04/2021 15:06

The job market is even more challenging just now than it has been for a while. Many people have lost jobs due to Covid, so there are even more people looking for jobs. I think your hubby is in cloud cuckoo land frankly, and doesn’t actually know as much about the job market as he thinks he does …

Soubriquet · 22/04/2021 15:09

He’s an idiot. If it was that easy, there would be no need for childcare. Everyone would be able to be off to look after their children during holiday times

EscapeDragon · 22/04/2021 15:11

Oh my aching sides.
The only jobs with school holidays are jobs in schools. And sometimes not even all the holidays, if they are admin.

bottyg · 22/04/2021 15:14

If it was that easy, there would be no need for childcare. Everyone would be able to be off to look after their children during holiday times

Tbf my go to childcare/activity clubs during holidays. I want time off too! 😆

blacksax · 22/04/2021 15:22

I'm not sure if he's deluded or stupid

Both.

LookItsMeAgain · 22/04/2021 15:33

You could (under pre-covid situations) have sent the kids to some summer camp and arranged with another parent that one would drop the kids to camp while the other collected them. That would cover a couple of weeks of the summer holidays. Then you might be able to use annual leave and for the first time perhaps you take two weeks together and then your DH takes the next two weeks off, thereby giving you 4 weeks of looking after your kids.
There are employers who offer 'Life Balance' time where your salary would be reduced and paid pro-rata for the weeks you are in the office and throughout your time on leave but you're essentially not getting paid for those weeks (not sure if I've explained that properly), but it entirely depends on the employer whether you can get it and if you get it once, whether you can get it again.

Oldraver · 22/04/2021 15:44

I think he's living in cloud cookie lane if he thinks an employer would just let you have school holidays off

That said I don't work the main summer holidays as I work for an agency. I think it's the only way to get round it

EllieQ · 22/04/2021 15:47

He’s being ridiculous. I have a flexible job and a very understanding manager - I went down to PT (four days) after maternity leave, then was able to rearrange my working hours to spread them across five days when DD started school. But I still have to work during school holidays!

I do all the school drop offs, and DD goes to after school club twice a week. The other days I do a shorter day and pick her up from school.

DH and I have no family nearby so use a mix of holiday club and annual leave to cover holidays. Like a PP, it’s all planned out in a spreadsheet. For example, at half term I’d take Monday off, DH would take Friday off, and DD would be in holiday club for the three days in between.

It is doable, and compared to paying nursery fees, after school and holiday club fees are much cheaper!

VettiyaIruken · 22/04/2021 15:48

So he wants you to bring in some money without it costing anything for childcare and you must continue to do the domestic stuff and he should not be expected to have to step up evenings and weekends either.

He's a prick.

iklboo · 22/04/2021 15:52

but he says that if I get a part time job that fits in with school hours, that once I get my foot in the door they will probably allow me to have the majority of school holidays off as work places are desperate to keep good people.

Aw bless his little cotton socks. Does he still leave a mince pie out for Santa?

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