Those that kept their children at home until school age, did they adapt ok?

[hogu]

I have loads of people telling me to put DS in nursery to get him used to it before school starts and part of me thinks it's a good idea but another part of me wants to keep him at home!

My generation, both myself, siblings and friends never went to nursery, we all stayed at home with our mums then went to school aged 5 (ish) and I can't remember anything traumatic or any big upheaval.

Are you thinking of keeping him at home for you or for him?

Yes, my DD adapted absolutely fine and loves school. I didn't go to nursery either when I was younger, and I also loved school.

I think the problem is that they have to adapt in the first place, not how well they manage it.

@treeeeemendous Both

Yes, all three loved school, but then we took them out to travel and because youngest was very gifted.
We didn't need childcare, and we provided plenty of opportunity for socialising, I think that helped.
I'm in my 50's there were no nurseries, play groups baby groups etc, you started school at 5, we all settled well.

My dd was fine she loves school and made loads of friends easily.

I'm in my 50's there were no nurseries, play groups baby groups etc, you started school at 5, we all settled well.

It was an even playing field if everyone started at 5 though, so not comparable to a child who has no experience of nursery joining a class where the majority will be much further ahead in terms of social development

Did half a term before starting reception but very part time just to get used to the routine as not much of a staggered start at school. If there had been I wouldn’t have bothered.

It's nonsense that all the children will be much further ahead in social development. My dd goes to school with our next door neighbours child, they went to nursery. They have not settled in at school at all, struggles hugely with making friends etc. They were still crying at the school gates in march after starting school in September. Like many things it depends on the child. My ds is clingy and we have decided to send him to preschool as we think it will help him but my dd was totally different

In our area school nursery has been a thing for every one since the 70s. Looking at how much my own daughter learnt in school nursery I wouldn’t want to deprive a child of that.

On average, children benefit from some time in a setting offering early years education from age 3, which is why the government funds 15 hours of this for all children. That doesn't mean every single child will or that it's not a perfectly valid choice to not use this. I'm guessing he'll start next September, not this? If it was this September I'd be slightly concerned because so many of the usual alternative ways of socialising children (groups but also just informal playdates and time around adults other than immediate family) have been curtailed for so long due to Covid, but if it's next September then hopefully they'll all be in place long before he starts school.

Why wouldn't you want your child to experience a few hours per day at school nursery from age 3 - 4?

It's nonsense that all the children will be much further ahead in social development.

Well it's not nonsense. There will obviously be a lot that children who don't go to nursery will not be exposed to.

My dd goes to school with our next door neighbours child, they went to nursery. They have not settled in at school at all, struggles hugely with making friends etc. They were still crying at the school gates in march after starting school in September. Like many things it depends on the child. My ds is clingy and we have decided to send him to preschool as we think it will help him but my dd was totally different

Of course it depends on the child. However, without the opportunity of being in nursery, they are disadvantaged in some way.

It's not just about how a child settles in.

Our child has been going to nursery for the 15 funded hours since September. I have to say, it's been absolutely brilliant for their social development and physical confidence in particular (they do sports and dance at nursery but we've noticed newfound confidence in terms of trying bugger slides at the park etc.). We did carefully choose a small nursery which we felt suited them but I would recommend it to any of my local friends, we have been extremely pleased with it.

As a TA in a reception class I can tell you it is usually pretty clear which children have not been to a nursery/preschool. In general they tend to struggle more with making friends easily, and take longer to settle in to school as they have higher levels of separation anxiety. Don't get me wrong, they don't stay that way and will learn to make friends soon enough, it just doesn't seem to come as easily.

Mine started school before their fourth birthdays, so they were three, nearly four. They hadn't been anywhere else before except play group. They got on fine.

My first didn't attend nursery and just went straight into school no problems. DC's 2&3 went to nursery and absolutely hated it so much I had to quit my job so they could stay at home. Dc2 went in no problem but dc3 (9 now) still hates school . DC4 went to nursery and loved it but DC5 couldn't due to lockdown but started school in September and had no problems at all.

I can only share mine vs a very good friend's experience. My DD was in nursery from 18 months. Settled at school no problem at all. Adapts to change really well. Friend kept her little boy at home and it took him months to settle in. But every child is different. You know your own kid.

I'm in my 50s and I went to nursery! It's just not true that they didn't exist 'in our day'.

Generally going to a decent quality preschool has been shown to be beneficial. But obviously individual children will have different responses. Some will be fine starting school from being home all day. Some will struggle. And until you send them you just don't know how your child will settle.

I think as long as you provide socialising opportunities like playgroup, play dates etc it will be fine. Confident children will adapt well to school or nursery, and more shy or clingy children will often adapt poorly to school whether they were at nursery or not.

They might take a bit longer to get used some aspects of school life. But on the other hand, although it won't be a popular thing to say on here, they're likely to get more benefits from the extra time at home with you than from nursery. These potentially include a wider vocabulary, better life skills, more reading time and more outdoors time to name but a few.

Of course he'll be fine without nursery! Your child will still be able to socialise if you give him an opportunity to. Take him to toddler groups, museumsj see friends and family, dance class etc.

I sent my 3yo because I thought it would probably be good for him, it probably wouldn't be bad (going on his response to other situations) and our circumstances meant that his social opportunities had to be actively sought out.

His report at the end of the year said "at first [S1] found aspects of social play difficult, such as sharing and taking turns, but now his shared play is much more caring and considerate"

In my opinion, that single line meant that the year had been worth it.

It really is a myth that children need to go to nursery.

Until age 3, the best place for them is in a small setting with veyr few chidlren and adults. Home, child minder etc. This is because their primary need is relational.

From 3 they need time with other people. Not just children, but their base shoudl still be a small number of familiar people.

There are dozens of ways of achieving this. Nursery is one, but that does not mean it should be 5 days per week.

ds and dd1 did not go to pre-school really, dd1 did a couple of mornings for a few months. Dd2 went to preschool at aged nearly 4. But I only put her in 4 mornings per week, not 5, and it was only mornings. She really loved her day at home in the middle of the week.

All 3 were super confident in their social skills, and happy, well adjusted kids.

If you give him an enriched environment at home he might even thrive. All except my youngest stayed at home with me (only started school at 6-7 as we were overseas) they are all top set, independent learners now as teens.