Those that kept their children at home until school age, did they adapt ok?

[hogu]

I have loads of people telling me to put DS in nursery to get him used to it before school starts and part of me thinks it's a good idea but another part of me wants to keep him at home!

My generation, both myself, siblings and friends never went to nursery, we all stayed at home with our mums then went to school aged 5 (ish) and I can't remember anything traumatic or any big upheaval.

@FriedasCarLoad

They might take a bit longer to get used some aspects of school life. But on the other hand, although it won't be a popular thing to say on here, they're likely to get more benefits from the extra time at home with you than from nursery. These potentially include a wider vocabulary, better life skills, more reading time and more outdoors time to name but a few.

Again, research shows that on average this isn't true - most children benefit from some time in an early years educational setting.

Agree with PP regarding it not needing to be full time to be beneficial. My son went 2 days per week from 3 and then at 4 went full time due to work. The 2 days worked to settle him in and we felt full days became helpful in terms of him getting used to a full day at school. They don't do dazed starts round here, it's full time school from day 1 which can be a shock to the system and really tiring for children who aren't used to it. Mind you, it's still tiring for children that are used to full time nursery!

Mine who didn't go to nursery and never looked back. Walked in, threw themselves into school. So long as you ensure they have opportunities to socialise and play and learn they will be fine. Mine could read and write simple words, and do simple sums before they started school so school was easy enough for them.

I'm a reception teacher.

There's no particular difference between a child who has attended nursery, and a child who hasn't but has also had plenty of opportunities to socialise, has had lots of playtime with groups of children and is fairly used to leaving their Mum/Dad (even if it's just with an uncle, aunt, granny etc).

I have had a few children who have literally been with Mum and Dad only until coming to school and they have found their transition very difficult.

Those who sent their children to nursery will often say that nursery is absolutely the best thing for a child, and subtly imply that children who do not attend are the worse off. Those who didn't send their children to nursery will often say that saying home is absolutely the best thing for a child, and that those who attend nursery are the worse off.

It's all bollocks.

Focus on you and your child and do what's right for you!

Can only comment from an acquaintance/ DC’s school friend. They didn’t attend nursery/preschool setting at all and never used their allocated 15 hours. Started school and in same clas as Dc1 (knew from toddler group), they were the only child out of 15 that hadn’t attended a setting and although bright, happy etc they struggled to settle and were considered ‘disruptive’ by some parents. Parent also had various stresses about child’s ability to write name etc. I will ad though mine had been to nursery and preschool but couldn’t write his name either and no desire to either at the time . They are Year 1 now and despite missing good chunks of school are on similar levels ( being honest, they are quite behind most of the class). It’s difficult as there seems to be so much expectation of them from parents and teachers.

My first child didn't go to nursery she adapt well in the school, my second one went to nursery before start school and the difference is that my second child needs less help with school works than my first child had. In the nursery they learn loads of things that they will do in school.

I guess it will depend. I live in an area with many SAHMs. The nursery in our town is a traditional 'preschool' not a daycare centre as such and only takes 2.5-5 year olds. Most children do a couple of mornings or afternoons a week. Some kids go, some don't. They all seem to settle the same at school.

In my sister's town, most parents work and kids are mainly in full time nursery 8-6 everyday. My DN (who didn't attend nursery) struggled quite a lot socially at school when she first started because the children that had been to nursery for years were much more used to that sort of environment and were more confident.

@steppemum

It really is a myth that children need to go to nursery.

Until age 3, the best place for them is in a small setting with veyr few chidlren and adults. Home, child minder etc. This is because their primary need is relational.

From 3 they need time with other people. Not just children, but their base shoudl still be a small number of familiar people.

There are dozens of ways of achieving this. Nursery is one, but that does not mean it should be 5 days per week.

ds and dd1 did not go to pre-school really, dd1 did a couple of mornings for a few months. Dd2 went to preschool at aged nearly 4. But I only put her in 4 mornings per week, not 5, and it was only mornings. She really loved her day at home in the middle of the week.

All 3 were super confident in their social skills, and happy, well adjusted kids.

Do you have evidence for this?

Or is it just your opinion?

As there are several reports which found exposure to early learning environments BEFORE the age of 3 actually benefits all children, regardless of social economic background.

It’s fine to have the opinion that it’s unnecessary and you personally choose not to do so but empirical evidence would prove your opinion incorrect

My oldest went to pre school. He has always adored school
Middle went to child minders and he hates school. Only started t settle in year three. It’s personality I think.
Youngest so far is very like middle child so I won’t be sending him to school until he’s 5. He will go to pre school for a few hours from age four.
So what works for you.

@Devlesko

Yes, all three loved school, but then we took them out to travel and because youngest was very gifted. We didn't need childcare, and we provided plenty of opportunity for socialising, I think that helped. I'm in my 50's there were no nurseries, play groups baby groups etc, you started school at 5, we all settled well.

There were no nurseries in the 70's?! Not sure you have your facts straight there

There didn't appear to be, none of our family or friends went.
Or kids we went to school with, must have been our area or we were too poor to afford them

My kids went to both the local nursery and the school preschool. As a result they knew almost everyone in reception. There were only about 2 children who started school not knowing most of the class which made it much easier for all of them to settle. I'm guessing this may not be the case where there is a wider range of preschool and school provision.

@rainbowthoughts

It's nonsense that all the children will be much further ahead in social development.

Well it's not nonsense. There will obviously be a lot that children who don't go to nursery will not be exposed to.

My dd goes to school with our next door neighbours child, they went to nursery. They have not settled in at school at all, struggles hugely with making friends etc. They were still crying at the school gates in march after starting school in September. Like many things it depends on the child. My ds is clingy and we have decided to send him to preschool as we think it will help him but my dd was totally different

Of course it depends on the child. However, without the opportunity of being in nursery, they are disadvantaged in some way.

It's not just about how a child settles in.

I'm sorry but the other side of the coin is how much nursery full-timers miss out on. They're in one room, one garden and a few trips out to a local park for most of their lives between 1 and 5.

Children that don't go to nursery will be out and about a hell of a lot more (assuming they have good parents, of course)

@Hardbackwriter

On average, children benefit from some time in a setting offering early years education from age 3, which is why the government funds 15 hours of this for all children. That doesn't mean every single child will or that it's not a perfectly valid choice to not use this. I'm guessing he'll start next September, not this? If it was this September I'd be slightly concerned because so many of the usual alternative ways of socialising children (groups but also just informal playdates and time around adults other than immediate family) have been curtailed for so long due to Covid, but if it's next September then hopefully they'll all be in place long before he starts school.

Missing the key words "I'm my opinion"

My youngest didn't seem to get anything from local authority nursery (5 afternoons per week for 1 year.)

I knew of another child who actually refused to keep going. Both children adapted fine to first year of full time school.

It's not clear cut.

In my opinion

You can do so much together at home and in the wider community if it's possible.

Of course that's an opinion. There were no claims made otherwise.

I had two went to nursery full time from 8 months, and one who didn't go till pre-school. I think youngest would have been fine going straight to school as he's the gregarious type!

All are fine. All are socially adept and popular.

You don't have to put him in nursery. How about a pre-school. These are usually just 3 or 4 hour sessions, once or twice a week. Far less than nursery and also much cheaper- ours is funded for over 3s so we only have to pay for food.

My daughter was at home with me until she was 3. She did about 4 weeks of preschool and then it closed for 5 months due to covid. She has done 2 half days per week since September and has just turned 4.
It has been great as we still have lots of time to do fun things together at home and even on preschool days she is only there for a few hours. Her preschool keyperson is happy with her development and readiness for school, no need for 8am to 5pm at nursery.

I always thought it was useful to have gone to some activities where the kids need to queue up as that is a bit of a palaver if you aren't used to it.

@HoneyAndante

I'm a reception teacher.

There's no particular difference between a child who has attended nursery, and a child who hasn't but has also had plenty of opportunities to socialise, has had lots of playtime with groups of children and is fairly used to leaving their Mum/Dad (even if it's just with an uncle, aunt, granny etc).

I have had a few children who have literally been with Mum and Dad only until coming to school and they have found their transition very difficult.

This is good to hear. However, I wonder how many children have been set back by covid and only able to socialise with their immediate family.

Missing the key words "I'm my opinion"

But it's not an opinion that on average children benefit from some time in early years education from age 3 - it's what the current evidence suggests (which is, as I said, why it's government policy). That doesn't mean you can tell from this what the best thing is for each individual child, of course, but it isn't just an opinion that it is beneficial for most children either.

I'm sorry but the other side of the coin is how much nursery full-timers miss out on. They're in one room, one garden and a few trips out to a local park for most of their lives between 1 and 5.

This is not the other side of any coin. It's an extreme leap to an assumption that the parents of nursery children don't ever take them anywhere.

The reality is nursery is often just 3 hours a day, not even 5 days a week for some. Plenty opportunity for balance.