Those that kept their children at home until school age, did they adapt ok?

[hogu]

I have loads of people telling me to put DS in nursery to get him used to it before school starts and part of me thinks it's a good idea but another part of me wants to keep him at home!

My generation, both myself, siblings and friends never went to nursery, we all stayed at home with our mums then went to school aged 5 (ish) and I can't remember anything traumatic or any big upheaval.

Is there not only evidence of a benefit for kids from disadvantaged backgrounds ?

He doesn't 'need' to go to nursery but he will likely benefit hugely from it. Aside from anything else, most children love it, so why would you deny him what is likely to be a wonderful, fun experience?

@Devlesko

I went to preschool in the 70's they definitely existed, as did toddler groups etc. Day nurseries were rare though because women gave up work or family cared for kids. The state provision of preschools were only for single parent families or special needs where i lived though

My eldest didn’t go to nursery and did struggle a bit on starting school, but I think he would have done regardless as that’s his personality. But educationally he was so far ahead of the ones who had been at nursery / pre school that I didn’t get the impression that much learning goes on there! So if you’re socialising with your child at groups etc they won’t be behind.

Aw, thank you.
I just had never known anyone who had attended, won't spout that rubbish anymore .
There certainly weren't any where we were or it's maybe that they were all sahm's.

In ordinary times I think an engaged parent, who takes the child on play dates and to groups and to interesting places, reads to them, does number activities with them, teaches them basic self care and also gets the child used to being looked after by other adults can do a good job of preparing a child for school. In the covid era, without groups, play dates, extended family etc I’d be quite worried about mine not being in some form of preschool or nursery. Plus they’d be miserable at home without any access to their peers.

Both mine went from 2.5 - one absolutely loved it from the moment they set eyes on the place and the other one didn’t, at least until near the end. But the one that didn’t probably benefited most from it in terms of socialisation, understanding school routines, getting used to being part of a group - they later turned out to have special needs and their preschool records were very helpful for getting school support. Plus they were able to work through their extreme separation anxiety with a very supportive keyworker and a very high adult ratio - no way could a reception teacher have had time to provide that kind of support.

I went to Nursery School in the 70s as my mum worked - they were a thing even then and not all mothers were sahm - what was lacking then was after school clubs and holiday clubs and the like

I had no idea, we were wc NW not from rich parents, not that it matters but to fill in the pieces.
So, I wrongly assumed, just wasn't a thing in our area.
We did play with other kids though, and our parents did teach us the basics for school.
Reading and writing our names, or making a very good attemp. Counting etc.

I think nursery vouchers came in in the mid 90s, so before that it was dependent on you being able to afford it.

I generally am pro sending children to nursery for the year before school and I agree that most children benefit, hence the govt fund it.

DD was at nursery last year. She did 5 mornings until March, lockdown til June and 4 mornings after. With hindsight, she was happier doing 4 mornings and ideally would have liked to go less. She did get benefits from going but I think she would have been fine going straight to Reception. I agree that it depends on what else you are doing with them, and that you do leave them with someone else at times. DD also learnt a lot at her swimming lesson for example, in terms of waiting your turn, listening to instructions, doing it independently.

I'm sorry but the other side of the coin is how much nursery full-timers miss out on. They're in one room, one garden and a few trips out to a local park for most of their lives between 1 and 5.

There isn't a single nursery in my area like this. They are out in the community most days be it woods, train spotting, beach, park, farm trips even to the local recycling centre to learn about recycling for the older ones.

As for the original question obviously it's child dependent, I have several friends who are younger years primary school. They tell me there is a difference with the children who have been to nursery and who haven't and its usually pretty easy to spot. They obviously adapt and learn but it takes a bit of time.

Given it doesn't have to be full time and there are many options on doing full days, part days etc I don't understand the mindset of not wanting to give children the opportunity to learn skills which will help them transition more easily into school life.

My eldest two didn’t go to any nursery/ preschool and just went straight to school. They’re 7 and 5 now and are ok at school and have friends and are no different to any other children. I don’t think there’s a one size fits all solution really, I think you just have to do what you need to do or what you think is right for them. I didn’t take mine to many groups, just a baby/toddler swimming group. I did do a lot of things with them though like taking them to different cafes for cakes, kids museums, on the bus or train into the city and we live near a beach and I used to hire a boat sometimes and take them out on the water and we also did a lot of dog walks. I also did a lot of reading, playing and baking with them at home (and the occasional bit of tv!). They also did day to day things with me like going to the post office and ‘helping’ me do the washing. I’m sure they would’ve enjoyed nursery or preschool too though. Good luck with whatever you choose.

I'm literally scratching my head at the notion there are parents who wouldn't welcome getting an occasional break from their children. I remember when my youngest started his first 3 hour session at school nursery when he'd just turned 3 I went home and had a coffee in peace and almost did a little dance. He's 17 now and still friends with two of his nursery chums.

Both mine attended the school nursery for the year before Reception. 3 hours each morning. Before that I had just done various toddler groups, dance, outings and trips. We did lots of different activities at home. One was old in the year and one very young. They both settled fine at school. They both settled fine at the nursery - I'm not sure it was necessary, but the both lived it.

I am in my 50s and definitely went to play school 2 mornings a week from the age of 3 until starting school at 5. I don't think I really liked it much. I loved school though. I don't remember any of my friends going to a full-time nursery though.

My personal view is that MN massively underestimates what benefits babies and children.

Lots of cuddles and love is absolutely the most important thing for them, but even very young babies enjoy books and toys. I certainly don’t think you have to send them but there are games and activities that can be done more easily with bigger groups of children.

I think it depends on the personality of the child as to whether they'll specifically benefit from nursery hours.

I was a SAHM until my DD was 3.5. The term after she turned 3 she got 3 hours a day at a preschool. She was a very nervous and shy child and whilst we mixed with other kids and saw friends near daily before, she was still very shy with new people and I knew it would be impossible for her to go from being entirely at home/with me for 5 years then going into 6 hour days at school 5 days a week.

So the preschool was a way for her to learn a bit of independence from me.
I also loved having a few hours a day on my own. Parenting can be exhausting.

I was able to go back to work PT when she went to preschool, now I'm a SAHM again with my DS who is currently 20m. He won't go to the same preschool but I will definitely book him in somewhere near to DDs school, to get him used to it too. Probably even more necessary since he's had me and Dh with him every day for a year and adjusting to school without a middle step might be difficult.

Some children might leave a SAHM happily at the school gates but I think they need practice!

@Seeline

Both mine attended the school nursery for the year before Reception. 3 hours each morning. Before that I had just done various toddler groups, dance, outings and trips. We did lots of different activities at home. One was old in the year and one very young. They both settled fine at school. They both settled fine at the nursery - I'm not sure it was necessary, but the both lived it.

I am in my 50s and definitely went to play school 2 mornings a week from the age of 3 until starting school at 5. I don't think I really liked it much. I loved school though. I don't remember any of my friends going to a full-time nursery though.

I too am in my fifties. I did nothing before starting school at four and was OK though a bit shy.

My children went to play-school two mornings a week and then started proper school, one just before the age of four and the other at four. That seemed to be enough. They didn't go to a nursery and there were no 'baby groups' at that time where I lived (I'd have hated that anyway), but did mix with other children socially. Both could do simple sums, read and write before starting school as well as playing. However I only worked two days a week when they were small.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/freedom-learn/202103/forced-schooling-anxiety-and-learning-disorders

An interesting article that challenges the myth that nursery/preschool is best for academic attainment and emotional health.

I didn’t start school until well over 5 - no nursery or play school then (aeons ago) -just at home with DM and younger siblings. I couldn’t wait to start school and was absolutely fine.

I do remember the odd one who wasn’t, though - sitting in a corner crying because she’d wet herself - even though we’d been clearly told we didn’t need to ask, we could just go to the loo.

I dare say a lot will depend on the child, though - if they’re very shy or clingy then some sort of nursery or playgroup would probably be a good idea.

just a comment
I am 54.
When I was 3/4 there were loads and loads of playgroups around the country, very common.
Many kids went to playgroup 2-3 times a week.

BUT a playgroup is NOT the same as a nursery.
Because at playgroups parents stay, play with the children and help.
The other thing playgroups did extremely well was to teach parents about play and child development.

This is not the same as a nursery /pre-school, where you drop and leave.

It is a myth that any child under 3 needs a nursery. They don't. That is not an opinion, that is child development.
But that is also not to say that children shouldn't go to nursery, they are not harmful, they are nice places, they are just not essential/necessary.