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Original poster

When, if ever, does the urge to have more children pass?

62 replies

Wheretogoontrip · 13/04/2021 09:09

We have two beautiful children and although we'd originally talked about two or three we've decided to stop here for various reasons, mostly practical

I've read here that the urge for a third does fade in time, when is that typically? I'd love for it to stop, because I have to keep reminding myself of all the sensible reasons why we've made a decision, or is that wishful thinking and I'll always feel a bit broody?Both DC are still small so lots of hormones I think

No need to tell me to enjoy the kids I have - I absolutely do and thank my lucky stars every day!

OP posts:
Allegra82 · 13/04/2021 09:12

I don’t know. We have 2, and although we agreed that logically we should stop, that feeling didn’t go away, and now I’m pregnant with #3 (definitely our last), after a nearly 7 year gap!!!

MedusasBadHairDay · 13/04/2021 09:14

My youngest is 7, and while I know I absolutely couldn't go through pregnancy again, and don't really want to do the baby phase ever again, I still wish I had a third. It's frustrating.

HotTomatoes · 13/04/2021 09:14

We agreed on two children and stopped at two when I was 31...but I was broody on and off for years afterwards.

Sometimes (around ovulation or when a friend had a baby) it was really strong and all consuming, and it was only the fact that DH was adamant that he didn’t want any more and that, actually, I’d agreed I didn’t either that stopped me going with the madness Grin.

It really ramped up around 39/40, when I guess it was my body saying ‘Last chance! Are you sure?’.

I’m 44 now and the thought of ever being pregnant or having a baby or doing the toddler years or the school run EVER again fills me with fear and dread. It does pass!

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Original poster
Wheretogoontrip · 13/04/2021 09:18

Oh gosh, sounds like I've got about ten years to go then! I suppose it's not surprising as reproduction is such a fundamental biological urge

OP posts:
londonlass48 · 13/04/2021 09:18

Comes and goes with me
I wanted 4 but had awful pregnancies and nursery is super expensive and need to work.

I do get quite broody I love babies and little ones.

Got better when youngest was around 4. Thought of the effort involved again became very off putting with an easy 4yr old

It is so much work baby-5. That's what I tell myself anyway

Original poster
Wheretogoontrip · 13/04/2021 09:19

I find the idea of three teenagers sometimes calms me down a bit

OP posts:
londonlass48 · 13/04/2021 09:19

I'm 37 had last child 7 years ago btw

GreenHairThingy · 13/04/2021 09:22

I found the horror of the teenage years put paid to any broodiness I had 😉

Creepygnochi · 13/04/2021 09:29

Not really, but the romanticism of them do.

Your youngest gets to around 11-12ish, and is for all intents and purposes independent, and you just think God, I love the feeling of a baby in my arms, but nothing feels as good as sleeping in to 10 am on Sunday morning does.

Unless you're like me, and your youngest gets to 14 years old, then fond yourself pregnant at 52. Don't be like me.

99victoria · 13/04/2021 09:38

We always planned to have 4 children but when I was pregnant with my third I knew that was it for me.
Never had a single moment of broodiness or doubt after that. My youngest is late 20s now

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 13/04/2021 09:44

I had 2. When the second got to about 5 I was desperate for another one, but like you for many reasons we decided not to. It was my decision more than dp but I was very upset. It took me about a year or so to get used tk it and feel like I was content with that decision, infact I couldnt have thought of anything worse than starting all over again, then boom pregnant with no. 3. She's here now and I'm so glad she is, but the yearning for another does eventually pass.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 13/04/2021 09:46

This one is a great baby and I can see myself pining for another in a couple of years but I honestly couldn't put my body through it again.

TweeterandtheMonkeyman · 13/04/2021 09:54

I had my second and last dc at 33 and the broodiness faded gradually over my 30s . I couldn’t imagine having to go back to all that now I’m over 40. And I’m so happy we stuck with 2, it was the right (and affordable, they get so much more expensive!!) choice for us.
I think it helps if you remind yourself that it’s biology and a perfectly natural feeling .

Lobelia123 · 13/04/2021 10:08

When your children reach the age of greater independence, and you rediscover the joy of time to yourself and being able to reconnect with your partner as a person and not a parent, pick up friendships and just get to indulge in the freedom that comes from not being so involved in those intense early years, you will be really reluctant to commit to it all over again....and this is a good thing. Looking at the planet, the one thing we have too much of is human beings.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 13/04/2021 10:10

After the first one!

Echobelly · 13/04/2021 10:11

I'm not sure I ever felt an urge as such, but once I had two I felt done. I think i was mainly put off more by the economics of it, I just couldn't go any longer barely earning more than childcare costs, and once you have more than 2, holidays and cars and houses get that much more expensive as well.

ILoveWillSmith · 13/04/2021 10:12

I had my 2nd at 26 and never felt broody again!

ThatWriterInTheCorner · 13/04/2021 10:16

I had our second child when I was 33. I would have loved a third, but I had pre-eclampsia with both pregnancies and my DH (quite rightly) said that 'two near-death experiences for you is enough'. I was still very broody for a few years, but the feeling gradually wore away as I got closer to 40. I think at least part of my desire for a third was the knowledge that it was 'now or never'. Even at the time, I knew that the 'never' option was the right one for all of us.

Lemonlemon88 · 13/04/2021 10:22

I used to think about three but I am at emotional capacity with 2 and don't want another!

Bythemillpond · 13/04/2021 10:27

I wanted 3 at least. I don’t think it ever leaves you

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/04/2021 10:28

My broody stage eventually passed when no. 2 was about 3 1/2 and we were finally over the nappy/potty training stage, and broken nights were largely a thing of the past.

The ‘head’ rather than ‘heart’ bit was a factor too. Dh and I were both brought up in families of 4 kids where money was always very tight, and we didn’t want our dcs to be like we were - so often not having or doing what most of our friends did or had. In my case in particular, e.g. nice clothes from a shop, not hand me downs (and precious few of those) ballet and riding lessons.

spottygymbag · 13/04/2021 10:46

We have discussed and agreed to stop at two (although if a third happened despite our best intentions we would be fine with that). The problem is I keep remembering that moment you first see your new baby and it feels like your whole soul explodes with awe and love. DH is under strict instructions to remind me of all the practicalities when I get dewy eyed but I hope it passes soon!

justanotherneighinparadise · 13/04/2021 10:47

I’m nearly 50 and although the urge to cuddle a baby will never leave me the need to have another pregnancy and be responsible for a baby definitely has. I feel old. I ache. I have two primary ages kids and that’s plenty.

WeWereOnABreak10 · 13/04/2021 10:48

I feel broody a lot. I'm 31 with two kids but I've recently come around to the idea that my family is perfect as a 4. We can afford luxuries like holidays/day trips and they both do two activities each. I'm giving them everything that I never had. (I grew up in poverty)

I also gasp when I see the prices of farm tickets etc... so I triple that & im like, no way. 🤣🤣 My youngest goes to school this year which means I have the week to myself to do whatever I want. 😁

Tal45 · 13/04/2021 10:49

After thoughts of having a second ended whilst giving birth to my first. The hell of sleepless nights just helped to confirm this decision.

I think it's just about making peace with the decision and accepting you'll always feel a bit torn and that that's ok.