Has anyone voluntarily downgraded/demoted for a less stressful life?

[PandaLorry]

I have two DC aged 4 and 1 and currently work in a job which I find pretty stressful. Long hours, demanding senior managers, and I also line manage a couple of people who are quite difficult for different reasons.

I'm so over it. I look at colleagues doing lower graded work and I'm so envious. The expectations are so much clearer, it's much more transactional and task based (my senior managers are obsessed with being 'strategic') and the hours are fixed. plus no line management.

I used to do that kind of work myself so I know it does still have downsides, plus obviously the pay is lower. But I can't help feeling I'd be so much happier with more of a "job" rather than a "career" at this point in life. At evenings and weekends I'm always stressing about work and can't be present for my children.

Has anyone taken a voluntary downgrade at work? I could move to a different team so I wouldn't be working with the same people (which might be a bit odd since I used to be more senior). Is this a totally mad idea? I could apply for promotion again in a few years once I feel I've got more headspace again...

Also, think of it another way. There are youngsters in some industries/professions for whom the promotion prospects are grim, because people are sitting in management posts that they no longer enjoy, until they retire.

Certainly in my school there were some very gifted young teachers with no prospect of moving up the tree..So when I decided I'd had enough and just wanted to teach my class, it was a win:win: win, for me, for one of them, and for the head, who didn't want to lose them.

The school retained my depth of knowledge and experience, and I was still able to advise and informally mentor the less experienced staff.

Wow, I wasn't expecting so many comments! Thank you so much for all the different perspectives. Interesting and surprising how many of you are teachers (I'm not though).

A couple of people mentioned part time working, I tried 3 days a week in my current role and it didn't work at all really as I was expected to do a full time job on 3 days' pay. I ended up working so many extra hours in the evenings and weekends. I've now increased to 4 days which is slightly better.

My DH is worried that if I do take a role at a lower grade, I'll still get given/take on extra responsibilities and end up doing them unpaid. I think this is a real risk and I would have to set really clear boundaries for myself. Not something I'm good at!

I don't think I'd mind being managed by people younger/less experienced than me (I'm 34 and it isn't something that's happened to me yet) but I would find it hard if it was someone I used to work with. So I think those of you who've suggested moving to another department/organisation are probably right.

@Thatsmycupoftea

I have asked a few times to be demoted due to stress. I work in a very stressful job and its impacted on my personal life and mental health. I want to have more time to be actively present with my children not just physically there because my mind is on work all the time.

Anyway work have put me off stating they don't think il like it. Which is ridiculous.

I now have a new job which I got after interviewing last week. Its a step sideways but with a lot less pressure and better management. The work load is less and to top it off its 3k a year more than im on now.....ha in your face current management 🤣

Congratulations! And didn't they shoot themselves in the foot in not assisting you?! 🌹

OP I took a very significant pay drop after 2nd child. Pt in same company wouldn't have worked.. I would have been ft on Pt wage.... So I swapped companies.... Made it very clear why doing.... Less stressful, less travel, less politics... Didn't feel guilty about starting/leaving early to pick up from school one day a week;going to assembly etc. Money didn't drop as bad as expected as lower tax band, wage went up each year.... So much better balance for me and our family...

Not quite the same but I moved to an "easier" team after my second child and have not applied for the 3 more senior roles that have come up (despite being strongly encouraged due to the fact I do a good job and I've also been qualified longer than people normally are before they go up) simply because I don't want the added expectations. My job is quite stressful and I work extra hours but it's a clear role - with seniority comes expectations to be involved in service development etc and I just don't have the head space. So no I think it's not a bad idea.

I gave up a stressful career for a much less stressful one. It's a lot less money than i could be earning but enough to get by and I'm generally much happier.

The grass is always greener.

I was a part time teacher and then HLTA (covering classes, paid the same as an unqualified teacher, less stress) for 11 years when my kids were little. No regrets at all as it allowed me to have a good work life balance. Eventually I wanted more autonomy and the relationship with my own class again so I went back to full time. It's been challenging especially with the pandemic but I'm so glad I got my career back just for me . The extra money is nice too and I've joined a posh health club to relax at weekends!

At different points in parenthood there will be different pressures but I think if you can go part time or have a lower key role for a few years it does relieve stress.

meant to say, tax could work in your favour.

Makes sense to me - you keep your career and pension going but give yourself less stress and an opportunity to enjoy your kids growing up.

I was made redundant on maternity leave from quite a stressful global role and found a new role at another company at a lower level but in the management team so ended up still quite stressful. I did get to work part time for over 10 years, was able to change my hours when kids went from nursery to school, so it was hard but it worked for me and then the pay increase going full time was brilliant!

Good idea to move to a different team if you can, that way you can use it to your advantage as a ‘lateral’ move on your CV 😉

I took a side ways step when my team went through restructuring whilst I was on maternity leave. I was the team manager and my role was moved to a higher grade. I was expected by the team to interview for it and get it but after a lot of consideration I declined and was offered a purely clinical role at my existing band (NHS) instead as they couldn't demote me.

Best thing I ever did.

The new manager is a bit out of her depth and is constantly stressed . I do find it difficult not to 'offer my experience' and it can be frustrating to be managed by someone who often struggles with the basics of the role but it's getting easier to 'nod and smile'. It is all worth it to be able to go to work, do my job/see my patients and leave. I no longer have the stress of managing the rota/sickness/endless meetings etc.. the money would have been nice (would have been an extra 7-8k ) but not worth my stress levels.

Perhaps in a few years I will go for the management job again but only as a part time
role and not until my kids are at school.

I used to work as a nurse on a busy hospital ward. When my DS was 18 months old I was really struggling as he was a high needs baby and toddler and I couldn't function at work due to lack of sleep. Being on mat leave with him also gave me time to reassess how I felt being a nurse and admitted to myself I wanted out of the job. I applied for and got a post as a physio/OT support worker (2 pay grades down from nursing) and never looked back. DS is now 10 and I am in my first year of uni training to be an qualified OT. I loved the support worker job and it was ideal while DS was younger - worked out better for childcare too.

This is such an interesting thread. I’m having exactly the same thought process myself.

For those of you who’ve done it, can I ask how it’s affected your ego, sense of status, identity, etc? I was brought up an environment where all of those things were based on work and I’d find it really hard to do a ‘work to live’ job as a result. Even though it would be a much better thing for me and my family.

(OP, I hope you don’t mind my asking a question on your thread!)

@Rainallnight for the first few years I felt nothing but relief. Then I remember feeling a little aggrieved that a less competent colleague got promoted ( I hadn't applied) so I started stretching myself a bit more and then applied for promotion once DS was 11.

At the point I went down a grade I was seriously considering jacking it in to be a SAHM and now I'm so relieved I didn't do that, so it was absolutely the right thing for me.

I dropped my hours a bit and refuse to go for promotion even tho in theory I should. I'm not interested. My DC do loads of stuff outside school and I'm involved in volunteer work. I have no interest in more work hours.
I changed jobs before I had kids after working massive hours for a big salary ; I had ruled my life.

My previous long hours high pay jobs had ruled my life rather. Wish I'd done it at 27 not 37

@Rainallnight, this is an interesting question and not something I expected to feel, or even thought about, but my sense of self, identity, etc ( gone from teaching to cleaning), does sometimes take some getting used to. I mean, I have a degree, a post graduate qualification, speak 4 languages, yet am wielding a mop most days. The office staff where I work are mostly lovely ( they don't know what I did before. We don't speak like that, just general chit chat. ), and, tbh, they don't need to know. It's no big deal. I do my job and go home ! A couple seem a little patronising, maybe like I'm doing the cleaning because I have no choice, etc. But I know who I am, what I'm good at. And I am happy to have made that choice.
I hope this makes sense? As I said, it is an interesting question. I find it quite difficult to articulate it !

@Roonerspismed

I am in this boat to an extent in that I never apply for promotions and work part time in a professional services role

There are pros and cons. It’s actually quite hard if you are bright and capable watching those younger progress beyond you. Especially if you think they are less capable and have to report to them. You feel very much side lined an my work is definitely marginalised. And my pay and pension is affected hugely

But but but. No regrets. I get to pick up kids from school three days a week, I rarely work late or weekends and I know personally I won’t ever regret that time with my kids.

This is me except my work isn't marginalised. I'm very experienced at what I do so support others a lot. Occasionally I look at younger team members getting promotion but then watch them doing longer hours etc and think 'naaah'. I work in an industry where different work patterns aren't unusual and being part time is quite an empowered choice. I have no identity or confidence crisis as it's totally my choice. I don't think I'll even change when kids older

Yes - and I've had 2 careers, both stressful in their own way. Taking a pay cut hasnt been as bad as I'd thought either, because of tax and NI. Each time I found the higher i got, the more it took me away from everything I enjoyed about the work.

I totally relate to what you're saying about being present for the kids too- i always felt i worked really hard and its all for them, but then when we're together, I might as well not be there as I was just not emotionally available or capable of being a mum they could enjoy the company of. You can't really put a price in that.

I work in palliative care so my outlook is very much shaped by this. I have never once met a dying person who has said "I wish I'd done better at work".

An aside but I actually do work more than full time, I have a second job that is quite different, no responsibilities and a nice team, it means I still bring home a decent wage, each job gets the best of me and so do my family and friends! Also means if I want to, I still have prospects in the future for either role. Could that suit you?

Dd worked a job for several years which involved being shouted at daily down a phone line (think property management) . She progressed well in it but would come home in tears after being threatened, wished dead, told she'd be hunted down.
Last year she packed it in and went to mcdonalds. I thought at the time she was making a huge mistake but six months in she's progressing through the ranks, wants to train as a manager and above all she's happy.
She leaves work and work stays there. It doesn't follow her home anymore. I think she made the right choice.

Life is staggeringly short. If you can do what makes you happy then do it.