Has anyone voluntarily downgraded/demoted for a less stressful life?

[PandaLorry]

I have two DC aged 4 and 1 and currently work in a job which I find pretty stressful. Long hours, demanding senior managers, and I also line manage a couple of people who are quite difficult for different reasons.

I'm so over it. I look at colleagues doing lower graded work and I'm so envious. The expectations are so much clearer, it's much more transactional and task based (my senior managers are obsessed with being 'strategic') and the hours are fixed. plus no line management.

I used to do that kind of work myself so I know it does still have downsides, plus obviously the pay is lower. But I can't help feeling I'd be so much happier with more of a "job" rather than a "career" at this point in life. At evenings and weekends I'm always stressing about work and can't be present for my children.

Has anyone taken a voluntary downgrade at work? I could move to a different team so I wouldn't be working with the same people (which might be a bit odd since I used to be more senior). Is this a totally mad idea? I could apply for promotion again in a few years once I feel I've got more headspace again...

Just thought I would add, DH earns well in his role that's entirely working from home, and was pre-covid. It isn't for everyone, but he loves it, he can be flexible and do school pick ups and drop offs. A few times a year he gets approached about working for some of the "big" companies in his field. The offers so far have always involved the expectation of a lot of air travel to business meetings and so a lot of time away from home. He always turns them down. We look at the extra money he would make, and it is tempting, but ultimately he would barely be around during the week and would be burnt out and exhausted all weekend.

I did and I feel so much happier and settled for it. Plenty of time to chase my career later in life, though I suspect I won't bother!

I'm just about to resign. I have been in a ridiculously high pressured role for many years and I actually think my kids have suffered. I realise now that I need to devote much more time to my 10 year old daughter in particular, who is becoming quite a challenging pre-teen. Plus I'm just exhausted! 2 kids, 12 hour days, managing a complex team, dealing with senior stakeholders, politics, emergencies, personalities etc etc. I'm done! In an ideal world I will resign and they will have me freelancing on small projects which I will pick and choose (they are always under resourced) but if it doesn't work out, I will work something else out. I feel like I deserve a role that once I have logged off, I have logged off and can devote my time as I desire. Not picking up more work crap. I am a little bit nervous, but mostly very very excited! So encouraged to hear all the positive stories on this thread!

Not a demotion, but I didn't go for a more challenging role with better pay as I would like more flexi hours. Have 2 young children and can't have managed otherwise.

It is the right decision now, but I'd like to think I can re-evaluate my priorities in a couple of years.

Yep. 3 years ago I left a well paid (for me) job with a twice weekly 6 hour daily commute from Kent to Marble Arch. I now earn 17.5K in my home town, leave home at 7.40 to start at 8am, leave work at 4pm and am drinking tea in my garden by 4.30pm. Never think about work outside of work hours, no Sunday evening fear. Best thing I ever did, regardless of the 8K pay drop.

@DinosApple

We had a business. It was unbelievably hard work and stressful. We had children in that time too, plus one parent in a care home, staff issues, (work) landlord issues, no local family and at work 6 or 7 days a week.

Selling up was the best thing we ever did. Now we earn shit money (covers the bills) and DH is part time and I'm term time only. Our DC are 10 and 11. I love it.

This is totally what life is about - the more money the more stress. Well done both of you!

Yes - I’ve changed role to evenings and one day at a weekend, so I’m home Monday-Friday all day. We are now looking at my DH dropping to a 4 day week.

Ok we won’t have the most flash car or the poshest house, or the fanciest holidays, but we prefer to spend this time together while kids are so little, rather than stress about work constantly (and having us both full time after DS1, it’s a never fucking ending cycle of work - cleaning - childcare etc!)

I was a teacher for over 20 years and whilst it was incredibly stressful at times, I did enjoy it. Enter a power crazy headteacher and I was thoroughly miserable. I remember driving to work one day and thinking I wouldn't mind if I crashed the car, and that's when I knew it was time to leave. That was over 3 years ago. I was lucky as my mortgage was paid and my OH loves his job, so we have money coming in. I spent 18 months having a blast, spending time with my granddaughter, going to the gym, holidays, etc.
Then the pandemic so I got a job as a cleaner. I absolutely love it. It is so rewarding.
I don't think I'll do it forever as I want to travel a bit more, but I've never regretted leaving.

I haven't actually downgraded, but I did turn down an upgrade for the same reason.

Two of my friends are in similar positions, very unhappy in their roles since getting promoted and considering stepping down. One has dropped her hours to 2 days a week until a suitable lower grade role becomes available. So she's now earning less than she was before the promotion, but needs to keep a foot in the door because many of our posts are only internally advertised.

I'd say it's a no-brainer. Stress and unhappiness at work cost a lot more than the extra pay of a higher grade.

Yes, I reduced my hours and stepped down a grade at work. I’m much happier and less stressed.

I don’t even have children or many other responsibilities. It was still the right choice for me.

A work colleague moved to our team from another employer for exactly that reason and does not regret it for one second. Has teenage children.

I am in this boat to an extent in that I never apply for promotions and work part time in a professional services role

There are pros and cons. It’s actually quite hard if you are bright and capable watching those younger progress beyond you. Especially if you think they are less capable and have to report to them. You feel very much side lined an my work is definitely marginalised. And my pay and pension is affected hugely

But but but. No regrets. I get to pick up kids from school three days a week, I rarely work late or weekends and I know personally I won’t ever regret that time with my kids.

Before having DC I used to earn a lot of money working long hours in a city job. I gave it up when DC1 was born as I didn't want the stress, and was a SAHM for a few years.

When my youngest started school I went back to work in a different job, part time and earning much less than before - but it didn't feel like a pay cut or demotion because obviously I'd been earning nothing as a SAHM. I've been in the same job ever since - that was six years ago. It's a professional role but much less stressful than my previous job and I really enjoy it.

Me! I was middle management with a good tlr in a secondary school. Decided to drop down to half my tlr, I'm no longer line managing anyone, I'm now 4 days a week. It's so much better. Worth the loss of money.
However, I'm now considering going back to mainstream teaching with no responsibilities at all. I may even leave teaching. It's a lot less money, about 20k less, and that means we can't afford the 4 bed house, or the attic conversion. But life is for living and I'm much happier enjoying life rather than existing in a big house, but not living because my life is dominated by work.

I don’t think it’s mad but would sorry in your position that I would mark myself out as “unambitious/non career orientated” if you did want to reapply for the higher level job in a few years.... could you look at a job share or part time working instead for the next few years maybe?

Worry! Not sorry

I did and I hated it. Money was tight, and lost my self esteem. I'm going back to full time soon.

I left my "career" totally and now work in a school. 30 hour week, all holidays off, can pick the kids up every day. Very little responsibility, the job can be a bit dull (admin), and a few members of SLT and teaching staff speak to me like I'm a moron because my role is so junior, but I have learned to just shrug that off.

I now earn about £12k a year once holiday and slightly less than reduced hours are taken into account. Compared to approx £60k in previous career, so massive difference. However, given personal tax allowance, and not paying for any wrap around childcare, the difference hasn't been as extreme as I would have thought. Also, I no longer have a cleaner, am less stressed and busy so spend way less on convenience food and takeaways, or lunches and coffees. Plus, as the people I work with tend not to buy expensive clothes, or go on fancy holidays etc like my old colleagues, I have found my entire way of spending has gradually shifted over the last few years.

Overall I would say it has had an enormous effect on my wellbeing though, with the equivalent knock on effect on the children. There's a small part of me that retains some vestiges of ambition and sometimes I idly ponder that I am "wasting" my qualifications, but honestly, it's the best thing I ever did.

I would say though that there's no way I could have dropped to a less stressful role within the same industry, I think it would have been too hard to not feel frustrated. It worked for me because I went back to the beginning in a completely different sector. Also I accept I am very privileged that out finances allowed for such a stark salary drop

I did, redundancy last year, took it as an opportunity to downgrade my job, I was a manager, 70+ hours, stress levels through the roof.
I took an admin role with another company in the same industry.
Basically the new company is utilising my skills (technical skills) to their advantage but paying me an admin wage, even my new colleagues are shocked at the way I'm being used.
I raised it with my line manager who said its part of my development 🙄
As soon as covid is done I'm off to find another job

My friend used to be a teacher prior to having kids. She's now a classroom assistant and is far happier.

I've never been a very driven person. I can go up one more grade and that's it, any higher and I'd have to become a manager with all that it entails...fck that sht. Happiness trumps money and status, always.

I'd do it.

@Mygardenisnotperfect It's not been that way for me. When I did want to go back to a higher role, people were curious about why I'd been at a lower grade, but once I'd explained they seemed totally satisfied and in a few cases expressed regret that they hadn't done the same. I think the trick is not to be apologetic about it, I've always explained it as doing right by me and by the company.

My difficulty now is that management seem to think I'd want to go to the higher grade above me and I really don't. I hate strategy and blue sky thinking and hanging out with senior people, but I'm very good at motivating my team and getting things delivered and can see myself doing that for the next 9 years until I retire.

I left my job because I just could carry on trying to manage unmanageable people. When you stop sleeping because you know you are going to be met with rudeness, hostility and in your face refusal to do even the most straightforward of tasks, the it is time to put yourself first.

I now have no job. What I do have is peace of mind. It is Sunday and I have the whole day ahead of me to do with as I please. If I were still in work my anxiety levels would be on the roof right now thinking about the toxic environment I would have to walk into tomorrow.

I was made redundant from the management aspect of my job due to a restructuring while I was on maternity leave and I chose not to apply for any of the new management roles, so I returned to work at a lower level. I'm not sure if it was the right decision or not - it was nice to have more time with my children but now (2.5 years later) I think I have really damaged my prospects for moving back up.