Partner cannot watch the dc without my help.

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It's actually getting beyond ridiculous now.

We have 3 dc aged under 10. He would look after them whilst I worked before they started school. Recently though he's really struggling to look after them by himself.

Some examples:
I had to work one Saturday recently and he called me up 4 times to ask/ tell me things that could have waited.

If I pop to the shop without dc, when I get back he tells me how difficult they have been. I was gone for 20 minutes max and when I got back they were all sat reading and didn't look like they had been difficult. He says from now on they will have to come with me.

I had a shower and by the time I was drying he was calling for me to come and help.

He literally cannot be left for 5 minutes without needed me to come and help.

It's driving me mad and It's embarrassing as people have noticed too.

Anyone else have a dp that acts like this?

Absolutely not

Have you asked him why he's so incompetent? Or do you think he's pretending to be as he just doesn't want to parent his children? Would a parenting class help?
I'd get up early and go out for the day with my phone off. Chuck him in the deep end and if he doesn't swim, chuck him out until he learns to adult.

Omg he’s just doing a bad job in the hope that you don’t ask him because he’s too fucking lazy to parent.
I’d phone him at work with stupid complaints like he does to you and when he complains point out it’s exactly what he does to you.

Next time just ignore him, it’s not going to be life or death is it, he’s being pathetic

He’s not managing because he doesn’t want to do it.
Turn your phone off and let him get in with it.

I would explain that he needs to be able to parent his dc and if he can't you will sign him onto a parenting course.
Then go out and switch your phone off, learned helplessness is very unattractive.

Deliberate incompetence.

Tell him you've signed him up to specialist parenting classes for fathers.

www.sharingparenting.com/for-parents/sharing-parenting-courses/dads-matter/

My exh claimed he could not manage either.. I went on a retreat type holiday as a carer for a sick relative... Went to Brazil for 3 weeks. He managed just fine...
He is grooming you to believe he is a shite df so you will do it all.. Bite your tongue and leave him to it. Switch phone off.

Not can’t.
won’t

He is CHOOSING not to "be able" because it suits him and controls what, where and when you can do things.

Do not facilitate this bullcrap. He's an adult and a parent and needs to step up to both roles.

Tell him since he needs to be able to do this, he can be in charge every weekend till he can actually parent his own children.

Tell him being a parent isn't just about conception. He has to learn to do the practical tasks inherent in BEING a parent. Women are not born knowing how to do this - we all, men AND women, have to learn and get better at it. Like any other skill. 🌹

I would tell him that his level of incompetence was very concerning and would ask him what was wrong with him that he, as an adult, couldn't manage to parent his three children by himself.

I'd suggest he signed up for parenting classes because it would be highly likely that he'd need to look after them by himself on a regular basis when I divorced him.

I lived with one of those for over 20 years, he was just a lazy git!

He's a nob! They're his kids for goodness sake! How does he think you manage?

No I don’t, and I wouldn’t call him a partner as he’s so useless.

Ask him if he requires this level of support at work as well or if it’s just at home he demonstrates strategic incompetence.

He absolutely can.

Throw him in the deep end. Go overnight to your parents/friends. Leave your phone behind 😂

My partner is not my sons Dad, he doesn’t have children and has very little experience of children. He is more than capable of caring for my five year old alone, including one over night with zero notice.

He knows what time wake up, breakfast, lunch, school times, dinner time, bedtime, school day routine, weekend routine etc. He even knows how to manage his hearing aids. This isn’t because he is some miracle man, its paying what is essentially minimal attention and copying.

People who can’t look after children are choosing not to look after them.

He’s lazy and training you to do everything. Please don’t let him do this. Be unavailable for stupid excessive calls, that’s ridiculous and pathetic.

Turn off your phone. Ignore him.

Nope, because I wouldn’t tolerate it. I made sure my DD’s father knew before she was born that I believed he was just as capable as me of caring for her and that I wasn’t the default parent, we are equal. There’s no reason why he can’t, he won’t and that’s not acceptable.

What you mean is that he doesn’t want to look after them by himself.

Tell him to stop being ridiculous and that he can figure things out for himself.

Ignore him.
Tell him when you are at work unless it's an emergency, ie they need urgent medical treatment to stop calling you.

Ask him what he thinks is different about the two of you that makes him need endless support?

No I'm not taking them out everywhere I go, don't be so bloody ridiculous.

Suggest if he's really unable to manage his job as a parent he has to take parenting classes. Too busy? Fine mate, use the fucking internet then,. Perhaps if he opened his eyes he would have taken whatever strategies that work and implemented them.

I have absolutely no time for this I cannot bollocks.

And when all that doesn't work because some people are so stubborn, go on strike.

Amazing what they can do when forced to do something.

I’m a nurse so my now ex just cared for our 4 kids himself whilst I was out of the house for 12+ hours for 2 days a week, he did sometimes moan if it had been a different day, although I did moan too as he’s police so both doing long shifts on the others day off could be full on.

New partner, (years) I have my kids and he can look after them alone and they aren’t even his bloody kids my eldest is an adult though. Your dh needs to sort himself out and take responsibility you should back off and let him parent on his own. I can’t take calls at work.

He says from now on they will have to come with me.

This is him throwing his toys out of the pram, as it's clearly ridiculous, and is designed to put you on the backfoot to solve the issue for him.