How would you feel to realise that the person you just had a chat with or posted on their thread is the person you can't stand on another thread?

[ThePosterYouHate]

(Lighthearted, hopefully)
I love mumsnet namechange feature and one of the reason is this. I personally don't care if I've disagreed with someone on another issue before - if we're agreeing on a different thread and having a nice time, it's fine by me. People are complex and there's usually something to agree/disagree on.

I know not everyone thinks this way and if not for the namechange option, half of mumsnet will probably stop talking to the other half of mumsnet and threads will deliberately go unanswered based on who posted. So how would you feel if you suddenly realised the person you just replied or posted on their thread is that same poster you hate?

I think the problem is that if someone catches you at a particularly low or vulnerable moment it can stay with you.

I know a lot of people insist they wouldn’t and never would use MN for advice but I honestly do think they possibly haven’t had a baby or very young children in this past year.

I have had the reverse of this. I use lots of different names concurrently (ie different ones for different threads but all on the same day). One user was busily calling me a stupid idiot unable to comprehend English on one thread because I happened to disagree with her, but on a concurrent one telling me how wise my advice was!

I only recognise about 10 names on here now.

Isn't it a bit like real life, where you don't always agree with everyone about everything? I have friends I disagree with, doesn't make them bad people.

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

Isn't it a bit like real life, where you don't always agree with everyone about everything? I have friends I disagree with, doesn't make them bad people.

I agree. A really good friend was coming out with some amazing cobblers about the vaccine the other day. But we made it through.

One user was busily calling me a stupid idiot unable to comprehend English on one thread because I happened to disagree with her, but on a concurrent one telling me how wise my advice was!

If only they knew eh. I've just had this one myself. On one thread, the poster insulted my intelligence because I disagreed (actually used the words lack of intelligence and other things), then on a different thread under a different username, agreed with everything I said and called my posts sensible and well thought-out.

I'm sure it means one person can be both thick and sensible; both stupid and wise.

@Chicchicchicchiclana

I only recognise about 10 names on here now.

Same here.

@ThePosterYouHate

One user was busily calling me a stupid idiot unable to comprehend English on one thread because I happened to disagree with her, but on a concurrent one telling me how wise my advice was!

If only they knew eh. I've just had this one myself. On one thread, the poster insulted my intelligence because I disagreed (actually used the words lack of intelligence and other things), then on a different thread under a different username, agreed with everything I said and called my posts sensible and well thought-out.

I'm sure it means one person can be both thick and sensible; both stupid and wise.

Schrodingers poster

Schrodingers poster

I remember once on a thread, someone I recognised as having very strong opinions on that particular subject joining, and shortly after stating "Oh, I see xxxx has joined us; I'm off!" after another poster joined in, with whom they had disagreed before. It was a pity, as both those posters' differing opinions could have brought something fresh to the debate.
I try not to be rude or abrupt and to post in good faith, but am always aware that it isn't always possible to get nuance right, whether reading and interpreting or writing. I would never set out to upset someone, and try to think that, if I feel needled, I've probably misinterpreted the posters intent.
The posters I tend to raise eyebrows at and remember are posters who express impatience and exasperation at women seeking advice about what is quite clearly abusive relationships; I find this so unkind and unnecessary. Climate sceptics also make an impression on me.

I imagine for most posters, the issue is more along the lines of outright rudeness and/or hostility rather than a simple difference of opinion. So, someone may have no issue that a poster agrees with ‘X’ rather that ‘Y’, but take issue with someone positing ‘Only an idiot would think Y’ after multiple people have posted that they agree with Y (I’ve seen this posted before).

It must also be very hurtful to be the recipient of the standard ‘You sound horrendous’ or ‘I feel sorry for you husband/kids/friends’ response, especially when someone posted in distress genuinely looking for help/support. I can imagine someone continuing to have strong feelings about a poster taking the opportunity to kick them while they’re down.

I think I’d struggle to take anyone seriously on any topic if they’d expressed horrible, bigoted views in a previous thread, although I’m not sure I’d necessarily have personal feelings about it.

Everything can be so black and white on threads, and people can portray themselves differently to how they are in real life, just for the hell of it. There’s no point getting too invested.

Plus it’s all so much more anonymous than it used to be. I kind of miss the days when you felt like you got to know posters because people kept the same user names and there were fewer users. But then again, I thought I’d got to know someone quite well and thought she was lovely and kind, and we met up at a meet-up (remember those?) and she still seemed like a really nice person.

We became friends on FB and her posts on there were all horrible Britain First nonsense and lots of rabble rousing Daily Fail shares about immigrants stealing our jobs and suchlike. I was so shocked. I called her out on something that was particularly offensive, and she immediately unfriended me and never spoke to me again.

Salutary lesson.

Everything can be so black and white on threads

I think some people do think very much in black and white. DH is like that there are literally no grey areas and there's so many posters like that, almost unable to see the bigger picture at all and when explained they won't accept it.

It's not a place to make friends or enemies! I find that you have to have a thick skin and a hard hat to post anything about your life on here. No matter the topic there is always that person who gives you a piece of their mind that's difficult to digest, irrelevant and often quite cruel. I think after the last lot of unsolicited advice I got from my last thread, which was nothing to do with what I asked, I have given up here as a tool of advice for my issues. I'll take them elsewhere!

Just accept that on the whole MN is essentially a very silly place and don’t take it too seriously, that’s my view.

Also, avoid the coronavirus topic.

@PuppyMonkey

Just accept that on the whole MN is essentially a very silly place and don’t take it too seriously, that’s my view.

Also, avoid the coronavirus topic.

I agree. Some posters take it all VERY seriously. It's an online Talk forum.

If you don't take it too seriously, and hide some of the topics that make you hide threads as you go and take AIBU for what it is then it's fine.

@GreenWheat

I have had the reverse of this. I use lots of different names concurrently (ie different ones for different threads but all on the same day). One user was busily calling me a stupid idiot unable to comprehend English on one thread because I happened to disagree with her, but on a concurrent one telling me how wise my advice was!

Good lord! How do you cope with this? I’d be endlessly posting under the wrong username.

I’m quite attached to my username so I name change for anything that might be outing (posting pictures of decor in my house for example) so I can keep it.