Anyone awake? Needing a handhold.

[Springb0ks]

Posting in the hope that someone is around. I've really hit rock bottom tonight. Various lockdowns, losing family members to Covid and working from home has been hard this past year. But what has tipped me over the edge is going to a scan last weeks to discover one of our babies had died and we hadn't realised. And this evening finally admitting that my 2 year old child may have autism and need some support. I'm not at work- taking time off to come to terms with our pregnancy loss but I've well and truly hit rock bottom. I want to spend all day in bed and ignore everyone and not get up ever again.

Oh, OP I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm here.

Oh I'm so sorry you lost your baby.

That sounds so tough - one of those things is hard to deal with, never mind them all piled up

Do you have anyone with you that you can talk to? Or anything you can do to distract you away from your feelings for a little while until you feel more able to deal with them?

Sounds like you're in the middle of a really difficult time. Be kind to yourself and I know you can get through it.

Hand hold here.

I'm so sorry. That sounds like a huge amount to cope with all at once.

Oh bless your heart. I'm so sorry about your baby . You're going through so much it's understandable that you just want to hide under the duvet. Is there anyone in real life who is supporting you .

Oh hugs, that’s so difficult.. please God time and care will help you heal..

Thank you for responding. It helps to feel I'm not alone! My husband, family and friends are all so fantastic but I feel very lonely right now. It helps to chat to strangers. I feel like the world has gone mad and there is just no end in sight... like it's only going to get harder?
Chatting to my husband about our 2 year old today has really opened the floodgates, we've been worried about their communication for a while. My DC is so, so fabulous and I adore them so much. I hate to think they might have difficulties in life.

Get your DH to take care of DC tomorrow and allow yourself a duvet day. It’s ok to take the space for a timeout once in a while

Well, early help is the best thing. I had a roommate who was autistic at uni and he was able to study independently, went on to a good career and was recently married. He attributes it all to getting early help as a child.

*At uni, I had a housemate who is autistic.

I’m so sorry OP. The loss of your baby must be devastating and with everything else happening as well you must be feeling like the world is being very cruel and not giving you a break at the moment. I promise it will get better though. It’s such a trite thing to say, but time will get you through the worst of it, and you’ll find joy in little things and feel like you can breathe and smile again soon enough. In the meantime just keep breathing in and out, eating and sleeping and don’t expect anything more of yourself than that. Don’t try to keep all the plates spinning yourself either, and let yourself be cared for. I’m attaching a quote that I found helpful and strangely comforting very recently when I hit a rough patch mentally after a MC. In the meantime we’re all here. Take care of yourself X

So sorry to hear about the loss of your baby, and essentially you're potentially dealing with some grief in relation to your two year old two, in relation to the life you would hope he'd have but are now worried he won't (although it's so uncertain what his needs may or may not be which is part of the problem). Be kind to yourself-ask your husbands support to have afew days in bed/go yourself, cry, watch tv, eat whatever you fancy x sending love x

I'm so sorry you are going through this OP.
Lockdown and Covid have been so difficult for so very many people, you would not be alone in going to seek help. The SANDs charity were very good when I lost a baby. You never forget them but you learn to carry on somehow.
Try not to worry about your 2 year old, 2 is very young to be diagnosing autism. Has he seen a specialist? In your position I would go and speak to your GP for advice about DS but also to ask for support for yourself.

I’m so sorry. Your plate is full to overflowing. I’m especially sorry to read about your baby, you must be distraught. Talk here if it helps. xxx

Holding your hand

I’m so sorry for all you are going through, and for the loss of your baby. Thinking of you and extending a hand hold xx

I’m so sorry to read about your baby.

My son has autism and was diagnosed at 2. Back then he was non verbal. He has just sat his GCSE French mock exam in Year 10 for grading this summer, the rest of his GCSEs are going to happen next year. Every year of his life things have improved for those with neurodivergence. You will meet the most amazing fellow parents of SN children on your journey in time. Don’t forecast struggles ahead, it will weigh heavily.

This may help
www.stepsautismtreehouse.org.au/blogs/2019/6/2/welcome-to-holland-an-inspirational-poem

So sorry OP, sounds like a series of events have come your way, any one of which would floor most people.

Make sure you are kind to yourself. Stop trying to juggle all the balls - let someone else catch some for a bit, or drop a few. Looking after your well-being is the most important thing you can do at the moment.

Op, so sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time. This too shall pass... we really are in the ‘darkest before dawn’ phase with covid I think. I totally understand the frustration though.

I hope thinks start to look up soon

I’m so sorry to hear this OP it’s heartbreaking but giving you a hand to hold. I promise it does get better.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It sounds as if you’ve been strong for so long and have gone through so much.

Sending my best wishes to you xxx

what a lot you have to carry right now, @Springb0ks. No wonder you feel down. Any one of these things would be a heavy burden.

I'm glad you reached out. There's always someone here to chat.

Sending hugs, and strong shoulders to rest upon, if you can imagine that as a relief.

@BluePeterVag that is such a lovely poem and exactly what I am afraid of. I don't want to mourn life as I thought it would be. I just want it to be normal. The pain in my heart is unbelievable, I know that sounds so dramatic. I am thinking so far into the future and know I need to take a step back and be in the present. But bloody hell, the present isn't that great!