Anyone awake? Needing a handhold.

[Springb0ks]

Posting in the hope that someone is around. I've really hit rock bottom tonight. Various lockdowns, losing family members to Covid and working from home has been hard this past year. But what has tipped me over the edge is going to a scan last weeks to discover one of our babies had died and we hadn't realised. And this evening finally admitting that my 2 year old child may have autism and need some support. I'm not at work- taking time off to come to terms with our pregnancy loss but I've well and truly hit rock bottom. I want to spend all day in bed and ignore everyone and not get up ever again.

Sending hugs. After I miscarried I was told “you never get over it, you just learn to live with it”. Grieve, cry, make a memory box, do what you need. If you want to spend all day in bed crying then do it. You will slowly learn to cope with the grief.
With regards to your child’s diagnosis the more you learn about it the better you’ll feel. Join parent support groups, it’s always useful to speak to people who have been where you are.
I imagine you are so overwhelmed with it all. Give yourself time.

Am so sorry...there are times when we get so overwhelmed. Am sorry about the loss of your baby ,but I hope that your lovely child despite their problems helps you and your partner manage the next few months 💐

I’m really sorry about your baby. I think it’s ok to “park” the other stuff for a bit while you grieve. Your two year old will benefit from early help but you don’t have to do anything right now.

I have a child with diagnosed ASD. You’re in what I found the the hardest bit right now, of wondering, not knowing, coming to terms with it. A few years on from diagnosis and we’re so much happier, we’ve had good support, and it’s ok. Mine is now at primary school and while yes, they have extra challenges, they are thriving, almost unrecognisable from the toddler they were and I’m very proud of them. Don’t lose hope or think life with an autistic child is always hard and miserable - you’ll still adore them and they’ll still be fabulous.

@Springb0ks Not dramatic at all. You’ve got a huge amount going on on top of all the pandemic anxieties. Early intervention will help your child and you and you’ll find your way.
Self care is really important right now. Allow yourself time each day to grieve and worry, and then try some mindfulness. Be in the present: notice the little moments of joy amongst the dark. I love Buddhify app, for mindful meditation. It helps me turn down the volume on my own anxieties for a period of time which takes the sense of being overwhelmed away for a while.
Lots of love and support here for you.

So so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby 💐💐💐 take care and time.

I know the autism prospect is very scary. But it's not all bad. My dd is autistic and she's wonderful. Creative, quirky, caring and passionate about her interests.

Thinking of you.

I am so sorry for the terrible news you received at your scan.

I feel like the world has gone mad and there is just no end in sight... like it's only going to get harder?
I think that if you didn't feel the world had gone mad then that would be more unusual. I feel that people are struggling more with the lack of certainty than anything else.

Chatting to my husband about our 2 year old today has really opened the floodgates
Nothing wrong with opening the floodgates and it is always good to talk.

I hate to think they might have difficulties in life
You are already doing something to mitigate your 2 year old's communication difficulties which means that it is being investigated already.

I have ADHD which looking back has been obvious my entire life but my mother didn't and doesn't "believe" in it. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 27 and it makes me angry to know that I wasted so much time struggling because of her lack of action.

You have a concern about your son and clearly want the best for them. Having a kind and loving parent like you is exactly what will help your son more than anything else.

@colouringindoors your daughter sounds fabulous! I should know better really, I work in a mainstream school surrounded by so many students with ASD and other conditions who are all absolutely fabulous. I also feel that it is a very diverse and accepting world that we live in.
I don't feel like there will be much sleep for me tonight, "morning" sickness has reared its head...
thanks again to all who have responded.

Thanks @StarCat2020. I hope I can be the mummy he needs. He's currently snuggled into my back right now in bed, and can't get enough cuddles on a daily basis so I can't be doing too badly!

Hand hold here. My youngest is 5, and has autism. He is still non verbal. But communicates in other ways. Hes honestly one of the funniest, cheeky chaps I've ever met.

You have a husband. He will take care of you. Take care of him also.

I hope I can be the mummy he needs
You already are.

Don't forget to be kind to yourself as well.