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Original poster

School letting me know that ds, 13, doesn’t have a pen.

243 replies

Veuvestar · 23/03/2021 12:17

Oh and he was slow to get in line
Is this the best use of time? Confused
The school has a system of behaviour points
Isn’t this stuff they should just be getting on with, or dealing with.
He lost his pencil case, he borrowed a pen, move along, nothing to see.
Does anyone rises school do this type of thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
Veuvestar · 23/03/2021 14:25

Iwanttobreakfree- I have a very close relationship with the school, I have to hold back from becoming too involved.
I’m not at all happy with how they are managing his needs, but it’s very early days. I last met with his teachers in November, only 2 weeks before they broke up. Then homeschool, which I have actually done with him, now 2 weeks back.
I will obviously discuss everything, but I was giving it a bit of time to get back into the routine. Now we have 2 weeks off again!

OP posts:
Blueappletree · 23/03/2021 14:26

Actually, PP reminded me of something it was said on the new parents evening by HT. Our school have behaviour points system too, and they said once your child loses certain points, there will be a notice to parents. Maybe the same for your school, OP? He lost at least 2 points.

Shitfuckcommaetc · 23/03/2021 14:29

Do you remember those pens that came with a string attached to go round your neck?

I'd tell him anymore calls about not having his pen and I'd buy him a nice brightly coloured named one Grin might do the trick!

Honestly I feel your pain OP, my DS is very similar in always losing things, constantly forgetting passwords. Now after the last lockdown has forgotten his combination for his locker Angry
I'm just letting him deal with it tbh. There not much more I can do really!

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General education
LostInTime · 23/03/2021 14:29

It's not "one child, one time" though, is it?
Multiply across 30 children per class, 6 classes per year, etc and we're talking about an awful lot of disruption every lesson.
And people saying "Oh, the teachers can just give them a spare"... Who do you think funds those pens?
Either the school does to the detriment of the pupils' other resources and education or the teachers themselves do.

How is it okay to do either of those?

Original poster
Veuvestar · 23/03/2021 14:30

Bibabbles- I was just trying to lighten the mood. I saw first hand how the teachers had to adapt.

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 23/03/2021 14:31

Not having basic school equipment is pretty crap. You thinking it wasn't a good use of their time letting you know is Hmm

starfishmummy · 23/03/2021 14:31

@ZeroFuchsGiven

Maybe they are sick of dealing with unorganised kids.

I know when our school went back they were told in no uncertain terms that pens can not be handed out due to covid regs.

And our son was given a kist of things he woukd need....and then on the first day he was given a ziplok bag containing one of everything
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 23/03/2021 14:32

@Veuvestar

After attending 6 months of online lessons, I’d say about 20-35 minutes of an hours lesson is productive. And I reckon the entire lesson can be precised into 20minutes. Time is wasted by kids not listening, asking what the homework is, being told it hasn’t been set yet, and repeat! Asking should they write this bit, should they write it in their books, could they do it in word. And repeat! At least they all had a pen in lockdown!

And it's wasted by their not having a pen, asking their mates if they've got a spare pen, then once it's been sorted and the class is working, 'can you write this down, please?'

'I haven't got a pen'

lockeddownandcrazy · 23/03/2021 14:34

They would not ring on first occasion - probably sick of kids who dont have what they need and waste everyones time. Maybe two pens is a good idea in his pocket and supporting the school instead of moaning about something that is ultimately yours/your sons fault.

Sirzy · 23/03/2021 14:34

Especially if there are bigger issues then don’t make an issue of this.

Make sure he has a pencil case. Make sure he has a spare pen in his blazer before he goes out.

CatCup · 23/03/2021 14:37

And if there were more parents like you, then how much time would be wasted in learning time, dealing with 15, 18, 20 kids who didn't have a pen so needed to borrow, share, ask for one each lesson?

It's your responsibility as a parent to ensure your child is ready for school every morning. Even if that means a spare pen in his jacket pocket in case he loses his pencil case frequently.

Original poster
Veuvestar · 23/03/2021 14:37

Yes it’s a behaviour point system
One point per incident, so he hasn’t done it before. Or it hasn’t caused a problem before .
Then the point generates an email, which sometimes has an explanation, mostly just a title.

I wouldn’t expect the school to provide a pen. I was thinking he could ask a friend or the person he’s sitting next to.
The irony is he’s very particular about his pen. He can only write with one type, so we have loads. He doesn’t lose them, they don’t just disappear. They run out or leak, or are chewed to death

OP posts:
2bazookas · 23/03/2021 14:41

OF COURSE schools should be providing pupils with breakfast, pens, discipline and behavioural corrections. It is totally unreasonable to expect such effort and sacrifices from their parents.

Original poster
Veuvestar · 23/03/2021 14:41

Once again, I ensure he goes to school with everything he needs
He has lots of pens, lots of pencils, two rulers, 2 rubbers, a pencil sharpener, Pritt stick and a calculator. And hand sanitizer now. Oh and 4 masks, which he never loses. They are wrapped around each other ever so neatly.
He didn’t have a pen, one lesson, one time

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 23/03/2021 14:42

Then the point generates an email

So basically you just don't want the school to notify you every time your DS gets a behaviour point? No one in the school has actually made an effort to tell you that your kid doesn't have a pen, it's an automatic email from the behaviour being logged.

I don't think you can ask the school to stop logging lack of equipment or not following instructions. You could ask them if it's necessary to automatically notify you every time, but be aware that some parents do want to know this stuff.

namechangemarch21 · 23/03/2021 14:43

I'm staggered by these responses. I didn't go to school in the UK but I constantly lost/forgot pens, had untied shoeless, was generally a disaster - currently looking into an adult diagnosis of ADHD and dyspraxia.

Nobody in school noticed. If I didn't have a pen, I borrowed one from a friend. If someone put up their hand and said they didn't have a pen, the teacher would have shrugged at them and maybe told someone else to lend them one. I don't know why they're engaging with you on this. And slow to stand in line?!

As an adult, I'm frequently at meetings with other organisations where somebody will ask to borrow a pen. This is such petty nonsense. In the circumstances you've outlined, I have no idea what they were doing ringing you.

Original poster
Veuvestar · 23/03/2021 14:44

Catcup- more parents like me?
What, that ensure their child goes off with everything that he needs?

OP posts:
Taswama · 23/03/2021 14:44

It sounds like it would be a reasonable adjustment to let him carry his bag around rather than having to get stuff from a locker. They don't appear to be taking his SEN into account.

ParadiseIsland · 23/03/2021 14:44

Fgs, the child is 13yo. He has well passed the time when mummy should be behind him to remind him to take his pens into the classroom.

If I had said anything like to my own dcs at that age, it wouldn’t have gone down well at all.

@Veuvestar, in some ways I agree with you. For a ONE OFF issue, the school should have dealt with it. Detention, having a word with him whatever their system is. Because it’s up to HIM to be careful, not you.

I think that if he has some profession issues/potentially adhd etc.. then it would be worth working with him to find ways he can be sure to have all he needs with him. But I feel that’s up to him to find that method so it can work for him rather than you imposing something on him (or the school for that matter).
In that respect, telling you about it could be helpful if it can trigger a discussion with him on how to adapt when things are a bit different (eg no pencil case, new routine with the lockers etc...)

randomlyLostInWales · 23/03/2021 14:48

@Veuvestar

Iwanttobreakfree- I have a very close relationship with the school, I have to hold back from becoming too involved. I’m not at all happy with how they are managing his needs, but it’s very early days. I last met with his teachers in November, only 2 weeks before they broke up. Then homeschool, which I have actually done with him, now 2 weeks back. I will obviously discuss everything, but I was giving it a bit of time to get back into the routine. Now we have 2 weeks off again!
Might be worth pushing more now - and maybe use this as a reason to get in touch especially as it might take a while to get things implemented.

If he's 13 he's Y9 so not long for GCSE to start if they haven't already and really you want as much in place as possible - then expect to regualarly remind everyone what is supposed to be happenening.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 23/03/2021 14:50

When I was in college my tutor rang my mum to tell her that I insisted on taking my bag with me to the toilet. Mum told her to stop wasting her time as she had been in a meeting.

Even back then they did this kind of ridiculous shite.

GrammarTeacher · 23/03/2021 14:51

OP - he can't just ask a friend for a pen. They aren't allowed to share stationery at the moment for the same reason the teacher can't just give them on. Believe me it was easier when I could just give out spares.

KarenMarlow3 · 23/03/2021 14:52

You sound disorganized, OP. You knew when your son was due back at school, you should have made sure that he was equipped with a suitable pencil case.
Teach him to clip his pen to a pocket so that he doesn't lose it, and tell him to line up properly with the rest of the class, so that he isn't contributing to the low level disruption that is a consequence of pupils not following instructions, and not being properly equipped.
Instead, you seem to think that school should somehow be responsible for equipping your son, and turning a blind eye to his misdemeanours.

IWantT0BreakFree · 23/03/2021 15:00

After attending 6 months of online lessons, I’d say about 20-35 minutes of an hours lesson is productive. And I reckon the entire lesson can be precised into 20minutes.

I do feel it's worth pointing out that the online learning that schools were providing during lockdown was generally not representative of the lessons that are usually delivered in school. At my school (and the five others where I have family members working), the children who were in school during lockdown were doing the same lessons as their home-learning counterparts and we had absolutely tons of filling-in to do during the day. There was A LOT of "spare" time which we spent on other things. This was based on the understanding that parents at home may well be working themselves, or multiple siblings may be trying to use one laptop etc and therefore a full day of regular lessons would not be achievable.

LolaSmiles · 23/03/2021 15:06

Then the point generates an email, which sometimes has an explanation, mostly just a title.
So whilst the original impression is that school are going out of their way to contact you, you're actually annoyed at an autogenerated email?
Confused