If you used to believe in God, but not anymore, why?

[HankHillsPropane]

I was brought up in quite a religious home. As this is the status quo in my home country i.e. everyone is extremely religious, I never knew anything different. I grew up believing in God/heaven/hell, church every Sunday, prayers every night, praying whenever I needed something..etc

I think I started to have my doubts around the age of 15, and properly gave up on the idea when I was around 17. I'm 30 now.

For me it's the absolutely shocking state of the world we live in that made me completely give up on the existence of God. I felt that even if there was a 'higher power' of some sort who had engineered all of this, they were very much the opposite of benevolent(sadistic even?), and probably did not deserve my worship.

Just the constant barrage of disasters, evil, chaos, inequalities, atrocities, the absolute randomness and luck that defines our existence...I mean look around. Would anyone really want to put their name to this?

Anyway, what was your turning point? When did you stop believing in God?

I was raised catholic in a very catholic family. It’s not that I am 100% against the idea of there being some sort of god but more that I don’t agree at all with the Catholic Church or their version of God eg homosexuality being bad, contraception being bad, etc.

Take the homosexuality example, if people are born homosexual (which the science etc suggests) then that must mean god made them that way? But they aren’t allowed to follow their natural feelings - they must resist because homosexual acts are against god. So why did god even create them that way to begin with then? Surely that is cruel and unfair.

And even then, do I want to believe in a god that would condemn someone for being with someone of their own sex, what harm is it doing to anyone?! Then after that, I realised that the reasons the rules are the way they are is because they are in fact made by people (mostly men) not a “god” to control women/others and their choices. It’s highly misogynistic/homophobic/etc.

So, like Stephen Fry, even if this god exists, do I even want to be part of all this?

@SnoopsCaliforniaRoll

This is such an interesting question, but it does centre the Christian 'God'. I wonder if people from other religions with the concept of God(s) eg Hinduism, have had a similar crisis of faith.

I agree that it's mostly centred on the Abrahamic variants of an omnipotent God and it would be interesting to hear more from those raised in or were part of other faiths.

I know agnostic and atheist Hindus. For some I've known, it's similar to being culturally Christian, and for others the Hindu part is an important part of their agnostic or atheist ideas. I don't know much on it, hopefully someone who knows more will discuss it here, but my understanding is that within some of the main branches of Hinduism there are traditions of agnostic and atheist philosophies that have been argued as a Hindu interpretation of reality for millennia and some move from more theistic variants into those or in other directions.

I used to but no longer believe in the gods of organised religion. It takes faith and why would I want to believe in it. I now see religion as the destructive horror that it is, it's designed for the most part to subjugate those that are 'unworthy' and as a woman I can't reconcile Christianity with feminism. It just doesn't make sense.

for the many of you who've had tragedies.

I lost my faith simply because when I got to university and started having rational discussions about religion, it no longer made sense. I'd had a happy childhood, went to a lovely church, the youth group was my main 'friendship group' - I didn't want to lose all that but I just couldn't believe in it any more. Everything made so much more sense without any sort of supernatural 'explanations'.

Why does a good deity who can do anything He likes, allow evil to exist?

The use of religion is to promote a myth that 'explains' the moral code that society needs so that people society can live together without killing and thieving.

Obviously as social control, religion does not work well these days. However there were time in the recent past when Christianity kept people in their assigned places without rebellion. Islam still exerts a lot of social control where Islam is the established religion.

This is a really interesting question. I was raised CofE and I do think I genuinely believed growing up but I have always been curious. I always ask questions and no one ever seemed to be able to answer my questions adequately. People used to get annoyed that I would continue to question it, but surely if there is a God he wouldn't want people to just blindly follow- he would want them to because they understood and trusted in him.
Again as I got older I could see how gay people are treated within religion and that didn't sit right with me. Love is such a wonderful thing. How can it be ok for me to love a man, but not my best mate to love a man? Love is love!

I definitely believe there is something out there but I am not sure what. Maybe it isn't even a God? I don't think mother nature gets enough credit. the weather is such a formidable force! I agree with other posts, I quite often feel jealous at others strong faith. I have a friend with terminal cancer at the moment and she always says God has her. He is taking care of her etc. I find her strength incredible and would love to have something like that to fall back on in times of need, but when I delve back into it, I instantly start picking holes in it and asking questions that no one can properly answer and kill it off again.

I mean even the bible is an edited down version of what was originally written. You have a load of other books- the apocrypha which were not included. Who got to make that decision? What was their agenda? So much of what is written can be mistranslated and so then misinterpreted. What one person reads could mean something so very different to another. Who gets to decide what is the right interpretation of things?
Jesus was a loving person and I don't actually think a lot of the religion reflects the message he portrayed with forgiveness and kindness.

MIL is a devout Catholic, reads the bible over and over, devotes her life to it. She is also a really horrible, spiteful, mean spirited bitch. Homophobic, and a casual racist. She actively campaigns to ban abortion. Refuses to condemn paedophile priests.

I wonder if she actually understands Christianity?

I was a pious little girl who prayed every night and believed God was looking out for me. Then you grow up and realise its just a big con, it's a way to control people which worked very well for years but now it's time is up.

I do know there are some good people who are religious and strive to do good things. I think that's a nice way to live your life.

Other than that, the bible has some lovely stories but no one's buying it anymore.

@SnoopsCaliforniaRoll

This is such an interesting question, but it does centre the Christian 'God'. I wonder if people from other religions with the concept of God(s) eg Hinduism, have had a similar crisis of faith.

Well, even within some monotheistic religions, it's perfectly possible to be atheist or agnostic. Quakers and Unitarians aren't that invested in the idea of believing in a deity, and I know observant Jews who are open about the fact that they do so out of a sense of ethnic belonging and tradition, rather than belief in God. And obviously Buddhists, while they have deities, don't have a belief in a creator god at all.

I certainly know atheist Hindus and Muslims.

@Audo

Why does a good deity who can do anything He likes, allow evil to exist?

www.beautifulchristianlife.com/blog/16-bible-passages-about-why-god-allows-evil-and-suffering-in-the-world

As a species we are shit, really really grim. Yet god created us. Why? He - allegedly - gave us free will. Why the heck did he do that? It seems to be used as a get out clause. But as an omniscient being, he created the free will in us. I just don't get.

Such an interesting thread. Thank you, op.

It seems to me that most of the responses reject religion. I don't think God and religion are the same thing - poles apart I'd say.

I had a very powerful 'God experience' in my early 20s (to my surprise) and from then conformed to the general religious principles. I married a man who, it turned out, was very much attracted to the religious model of man being head of the woman. Hideously abusive marriage later, I left said man, at this point right off my head with PND (or that's what my medical notes said : it was in fact the mindbending headfuckery of said Christian husband imo). So from that point in my life, God could fuck right off as far as I was concerned. I realise now how successful my husbands brainwashing of me had been, in that I genuinely believed God was like my husband and believed what my husband believed (so thats religious and spiritual abuse to add to all the other abuses my Christian husband furnished me with).

20ish years later I had another spiritual experience with God, this time gentle and (so) kind. OK, but I had a lot of rage to dispel, which characterised the next few years of my relationship with God. Let it rip and all that.

Now I do feel I have a relationship with God (or love?) but I don't, as far as possible, have a relationship with religion. But, realistically, I think it's human to want and need structure and form.

I was raised catholic and stopped believing when I realised there were groups of Christians out there ripping people off by charging for ‘healing’ and becoming very rich whilst making vulnerable people very poor and even selling their homes to pay for it

I went to Sunday school and then a C of E school.
Never related to what was being taught , in particular the unquestioned supremacy of men and a male god. It just seemed to be about having power over women, and legitimising their subjugation

I was brought up as a Methodist, didn't go to church every week but went to church and Sunday school regularly and then to church youth group for a bit. I didn't really question it till I was about 15. It came from my Mum's side of the family, my Dad is agnostic. I think it was a combination of hating the church community small town feel (I know some people love that) and finding the whole thing judgemental and hypocritical. Also tbh I felt that from my Mum it was something to do in order to be respectable and look good in front of other people, I'm probably being unfair. I then saw more and more bad things happen and it didn't make sense. Its always seemed to be about rules to me. I remember an old uni friend saying it wasn't about the rules though. I didnt get married in church or have my kids baptised cause it would have felt totally wrong.

Seven years ago I was having a difficult time at work with a lot of changes, one woman who I knew loosely from my Son's football said that she would pray for me. The following week one of my very best friends died suddenly of a brain haemorhage. She was 48 (a day off 49) and left behind two little girls. Its one of the hardest things I have ever had to cope with and there have been a few deaths along the wa, including my Mum and MIL. That said, I respect other people who have religious beliefs and dont agree with the challenging aggression that sometime goes on.

I was brought up in a religious family, I also spent a short while being a Sunday school teacher (late teens /early 20s) I just started bring objective about it and seeing it's fairly ridiculous and without substance

I guess that's the issue with critically analysing any thing

Because for billions of
people around the world, their religion is determined by WHERE they are born.

Because most wars are caused by religious conflict and intolerance

Because how ever much I want to believe in a benevolent higher being, and enjoyed belonging to a community, I can't believe in a God that allows so much tragedy.

Humans have always searched for meaning. Belief in a higher entity is convenient, but just doesn't stand up to scrutiny for me.

I was raised Catholic and had a very strong faith as a small child. I used to read books about the lives of the saints and daydreamed about being a missionary. I used to wonder if God had a plan for me and would speak to me, because the Bible stories were as real to me as anything else in my life experience. I prayed every night.

The doubt started creeping in when I was about 8. I can't really remember why. I think it coincided with learning that other religions existed and that some of our family friends weren't Christian. I went to a Catholic school, so was fairly sheltered in that respect. I had a few years of horrible doubt where I didn't really think that God could exist but realised that if I was wrong, I'd go to hell. This was very disturbing, especially as I didn't dare share my doubts with anyone - I thought my parents would be very angry and tell the priest or something, and I was a sensitive, compliant child.

At age 11 or so I started reading parts of the actual Bible, not the children's versions, and this cemented my disbelief. I couldn't see it as the word of God - I think the passages about women keeping silent and obeying their husbands were particularly bothersome. Long after I told my family I no longer believed, I had to keep attending church to keep up appearances, and as a teenager this drove me further away from the whole idea of religion. (I did manage to win the argument about not having to take Communion, though - as according to Catholicism itself I shouldn't do it if not in a state of grace! I'd have felt an utter hypocrite if made to participate.)

I've done a lot of searching over the years. I wish I believed in God, because the idea of death without an afterlife is utterly terrifying to me, but I can't make myself believe in something just because it would be far nicer if it were true. I sometimes go to church for cultural/family reasons, and it's comforting because it reminds me of my early childhood, but I don't believe any of it, so it's strange to be there as an outsider.

I was sent to a Catholic convent for primary school then continued to (was made to) go to Sunday mass until I was about 15 and capable of independent thought. At that point I worked out just how mysogonist (sp?) Catholicism is so left.
And since then? I am simply too old for an imaginary friend.

My immediate family were posted abroad (not military) throughout my childhood and beyond. My father was a pillar of local English speaking church, which had an important role as the centre of the English speaking community.

As a child with a reasonably authoritarian father, the 'stories' told by the church seemed to be reasonably plausible, roughly speaking behave or there will be trouble. I didn't question them.

First chink in the armour was asking DF how an all knowing God could possibly be reconciled with my having free will. My otherwise all knowing Father said only 'oh I think it is' which seemed less than satisfactory. He could usually be relied upon for good answers to real questions, this was a bit feeble.

Sent to boarding school, I was blessed by a teacher who took us for Divinity and for Classics. I loved the Classics lessons, where she pointed out what the kinds of gods and their behaviour told us about the life the people led in those days. Such interesting insights. Yet, suddenly, when learning about Christianity, religion was just the law handed down to us.

I do wish I had asked her about it in private or after I left.

The final nails in the coffin at college came when my consciousness was raised, noticing just what a bad deal women get from the whole Madonna/whore view of women.

And finally, when someone pointed out how Adam blames Eve for 'making him' eat the apple. I had quite a traditional boyfriend at the time and something suddenly clicked when I noticed that he did exactly that, blamed me for the things he himself did.

There was always the risk that when I got to heaven there might be some awkward questions to be answered. I decided that if God really existed, he would count my being a decent person and treating others as I would like to be treated as more important attributes than the many, many religious, well pious people who were outwardly observant but didn't treat others decently.

I happen to think that it's more difficult to navigate the challenges of life by working out the right thing to do without recourse to stories, intended to make us better people.

Some of those stories are harmless, others less so.

Oh, writing this has reminded me that when I first went to school, it seemed as if everything about my life had changed. The only constant was church, so I probably enjoyed it more than average.

I also loved singing but have not much of a voice in a school where music was highly prized. Church was the only place where I could sing out loud not very tunefully with no one tutting as I was placed away from the choir amongst others who could not sing.

One thing about the school life that I hated was how regimented it all wax, especially lining up to go to church etc. Daily services. Evensong in Thursday evenings, Compline in Saturday evening.

Volunteering to serve at the alter, be an acolyte meant I was allowed to get to church under my own dream. Bliss for the ten minutes it took and no shame if walking in the crocodile.

I did well out of the church, and suppressed any doubts I had about it while that lasted. Not ideal, really was it.

I think I rejected the religion I was vaguely brought up in when I realised that women were meant to be subordinate to men.

F**k that shit.

Some of the worst people I have known in terms of bullying and exploiting people financially have been very religious.
Perhaps they hide behind their religion or turn a blind eye to their own disgusting behaviour.
On a much lesser level but still very wrong and selfish, is in my own village church people reserve ('their') seats closest to the front of the alter (it's mainly old ladies that do this) and woe betide you if you try to sit on one of 'their' pews.

This is so interesting, thank you OP

I grew up with access to CoE-style religion, not really practicing but singing in a choir and the nice bits like Carol services at Christmas. I got confirmed at 17 - my parents were surprised but I think I was establishing a different family for myself at boarding school. I do remember asking the very nice vicar if I could be a Christian and not believe the Virgin birth bit. I wombled on selectively picking the bits I liked and saying a private prayer every evening until my late 20s, when my lovely little cat was run over and killed. It was such a small, pointless cruelty that only mattered to me. In an instant my prayers were just words into emptiness.

Now I understand God/gods to be a projection of a parental figure or a personalisation of a natural force, both of which our brains conjure out of a developmental programme created from how we understood the world in our earliest years. Faith is a sense of rightness in this model coming from the same early childhood development. And religion has been replaced by the rule of law and government, in terms of social structures, and is redundant.

That just leaves spirituality and community. I enjoy a sense of mystery and wonder at the glory of nature, and appreciate the sense of history and reflectiveness in old places of worship, and in music, art and other expressions of genius, and that fills my spiritual cup. Community is sadly lacking and I do think when Western cultures solve the community deficit religions will peter out.

Some of the worst people I have known in terms of bullying and exploiting people financially have been very religious.

Tithing, anyone?