If you used to believe in God, but not anymore, why?

[HankHillsPropane]

I was brought up in quite a religious home. As this is the status quo in my home country i.e. everyone is extremely religious, I never knew anything different. I grew up believing in God/heaven/hell, church every Sunday, prayers every night, praying whenever I needed something..etc

I think I started to have my doubts around the age of 15, and properly gave up on the idea when I was around 17. I'm 30 now.

For me it's the absolutely shocking state of the world we live in that made me completely give up on the existence of God. I felt that even if there was a 'higher power' of some sort who had engineered all of this, they were very much the opposite of benevolent(sadistic even?), and probably did not deserve my worship.

Just the constant barrage of disasters, evil, chaos, inequalities, atrocities, the absolute randomness and luck that defines our existence...I mean look around. Would anyone really want to put their name to this?

Anyway, what was your turning point? When did you stop believing in God?

I think its when i realised that each living thing only exists by eating other living things or competes with them for space and resources. Its not very peaceful.

Probably about 50 weeks ago when I was told that Covid rules at work meant I should have left a patient to die. Obviously can’t go into any details about that, but I could not reconcile that being part of God’s plan, especially without being able to go to Mass and pray to understand it. I absolutely accept that this answer suggests my faith wasn’t that strong in the first place. I miss it though.
I was brought up Catholic, but was the only one of 4 siblings to have been practicing in adulthood.

The moment my baby died. If there’s a god then he is evil for doing it/letting it happen when I prayed for hours during contractions and the more likely reason is that there is nothing bcos not as much evil and bad things would happen in the world.

God didn't create this world, humans did!!

I stopped going to church after my father died suddenly - I can't exactly put my finger on why, but it was very emotional for me.

I had been an evangelical Christian for a number of years, and after we got married, dh and I went to the local baptist church, but I always felt like I was a second class Christian - in my evangelical church, there were people who read the bible, prayed and had 'quiet time' every day, or who spoke in tongues or had messages from God, and I never did any of this, so I always felt like a bit of a failure.

I have very low self esteem, and I suspect this has had a big effect on my faith - I struggle to believe that anyone likes me, so it is hard to believe that God might love me - especially as I am lazy about bible reading, prayer and church attendance (I am permanently knackered, due to depression, weight gain and insomnia, and the thought of having to get up on a Sunday morning to go to church is just in the Too Difficult box).

My catholic faith dwindled quite slowly in adulthood. That is until I went to live in America and I found going to church the weirdest experience. Very unwelcoming people (who didn't want me to sit near them) and were generally unkind and rude as well as relentless begging for money by the church to build huge swanky buildings and facilities which didn't seem remotely necessary.

The numerous sex scandals in the catholic church were the nail in the coffin. A lack of humility and the fact that the perpetrators were treated better than the victims.

I had an epiphany when I realised I could be a decent person without necessarily being a good catholic!

@Greenbks

The moment my baby died. If there’s a god then he is evil for doing it/letting it happen when I prayed for hours during contractions and the more likely reason is that there is nothing bcos not as much evil and bad things would happen in the world.

I am so so sorry for your loss

@TroublesomeTownHouse

My catholic faith dwindled quite slowly in adulthood. That is until I went to live in America and I found going to church the weirdest experience. Very unwelcoming people (who didn't want me to sit near them) and were generally unkind and rude as well as relentless begging for money by the church to build huge swanky buildings and facilities which didn't seem remotely necessary.

The numerous sex scandals in the catholic church were the nail in the coffin. A lack of humility and the fact that the perpetrators were treated better than the victims.

I had an epiphany when I realised I could be a decent person without necessarily being a good catholic!

This is how I feel. Not "having" to go to church during covid has made me realise I don't miss it

No specific event for me. I just grew up and it didn't seem very plausible or likely so I didn't believe any more. Just like I stopped believing other childhood things I suppose. Probably my faith wasn't very strong to begin with!

I was a practising Catholic and brought my daughter up in the church, also helping with children's liturgy and readings, etc. The very bossy approach of our parish annoyed me (asking you to 'volunteer' and then announcing that because you had volunteered you HAD to go on half-day retreats (9.30-2.30 on a Saturday, very difficult with children). Then pushing a kind of New Labour approach to everything political while obviously constantly asking for donations to anti abortion charities.

My annoyance was containable while I could tell myself I believed in God and this was all just background noise. But eventually I was clinging on by my fingertips. I found I was sitting in Mass with my internal voice just shouting at me that I didn't believe in it. I'd exit the church feeling really stressed and guilty.

I started to edge myself out of the organised rotas, using the perfectly legitimate excuse of children's sports activities at the weekends, just going to a quieter service on Saturday evening where I could slip in and out, sometimes with my daughter, sometimes not. Missed confession so couldn't go to communion. Realised I didn't mind not going.

When she was about 15 my daughter looked at me as we left and just said, Why do we do this exactly? So we stopped. I realised shortly after that I had no personal belief in God or an afterlife and that this didn't worry me as it once might have done. I can't say God doesn't exist, so I'm more agnostic than atheist. I felt immediately better for stopping going to Mass, though. Calmer, less on edge, more able to appreciate this life, now, for what it is and what it offers and for the relationships it gives me with friends and families. I know I have to make the most of everything because it's transient and one-chance only.

I know many Catholics, including family members and the people in my former church, who are good people and do a lot of good in their communities, particularly with the sick and elderly, and I admire them immensely.

I was raised Catholic but in a very mixed community. Stopped believing in my early teens, but I can't remember why really - I think it just all seemed a little farfetched and mass was so so so boring I hated going. There was no effort to engage young people in the churches I attended so it just all seemed very boring and pointless when I had friends who did whatever they wanted on Sundays instead of being called a sinner for an hour

I was raised in a strict Catholic household, I didn't realise other people attended any other type of church until I met some new neighbours when I was 10. This friend and her Mum took me to their church without my Mum's knowledge (I don't remember what faith) but it was all happy, cheerful songs, joyous rather than doom, gloom and fear me type of mass I was used to. It was an eye opener for me.

I actually showed my children Sister Act and the difference between the first rendition of Hail Holy Queen which I think sums up Catholic vs other religions with the hand clapping and lively, celebratory style of singing.

Then my lovely devout Catholic Grandmother died and that was it for me, how could a God make my Mum suffer so much from the loss of her Mother?

So that was the start of it all. I think Stephen Fry has a great response about God

When I realised most religions are cultish and prevent people being their true selves or taking credit for their own lives! God is us I think, we are all one big spiritual being and prayer is much like any other positive thought. It works because people work! We put faith in things then we make things happen ourselves.

When I was in my 40s and my life became a disaster.

I was 10 or 11. After a religious upbringing with C of E school, weekly church, mid-week youth groups, confirmation etc I eventually just decided that it was a man-made tool of oppression and that I believed in God as much as I did Santa Claus. I remember looking around me mid-sermon one Sunday thinking- do all these grown ups actually believe this tosh?! I never went back, much to the ongoing disappointment of my mother.

Me? The Hubble Deep Field picture. Showing that the known Universe is so vast that the idea that we're all there is and there is a god watching each and every one of us individually just doesn't work.

I was brought up Christian, sang in the choir, went on church camps in the summer.

Stopped believing when I realised...
a) really, it's not very plausible, in fact if you do really think about it, it unfortunately does sound like a load of bollocks. This happened when I had my first child and FIL gave us some Usborne easter books. Put out in simpler form, the Jesus=Son of God bit really sounds like nonsense... I've read more plausible fairy tales. Please, no offence meant
b) Hearing so many religious stories, all depending on where you were born / which culture you live in. Can't all be right. Common theme - humans like stories, and they have had 2000 years to make the story as appealing as possible
c) Evidence of evolution vs Creationism - prefer to come down on the side of evidence rather than faith
d) awful treatment by some religious fanatics - wouldn't want to subscribe to something so judgemental anyway

That said, I really do envy the sense of community that faith and the religious community gives. Every so often I think about starting up or joining some kind of humanist group but the story isn't as compelling so I'm not sure the community purpose would be so strong, and anyway I'm very busy.

I think humans have a capacity for awe and wonder, and I marvel at the miracle of life every day.

When my husband got arrested for abusing my daughter and I didnt know my faith started to die when children services accused me of being complicit of it despite me being in hospital and then tried to take my other children away from me (to give to him) it went completely im not a bad person he is a bad person but I got hit with shit again im not fucking job ive done my best to protect my children while he has carried on his charmed life ive kept my head down carried on and still the hits keep coming I try not to resent the life I have but sometimes I look in the mirror and think I must really have done something truly awful for this to happen to me despite always helping people and being kind I get dumped on from a great height and I just thought FUCK IT and quite frankly FUCK OFF if your there you clearly don't give a shit and if your not ive wasted my life believing

Stephen Fry,so true.

I started to question my faith when my parents divorced. I noticed how members of the congregation treated my mum and my siblings, one of my church friends told me she wasn't allowed to be friends with me anymore as I was a bad influence because my family was broken. Adults would physically move away from us as though they were terrified that divorce was contagious. I began to notice that some of the kindest people I knew were not church goers and while there were a few genuinely good people, many were vile hypocrites.

A couple of years later I actually read the bible from cover to cover and just found so much of it to just be so silly. The final nail in the coffin was when I was in church and it all just felt wrong and weird.

Turned the wrong way when skidding car ended up on roof. Mother told me that 'God was taking my nan (who had lung cancer and who I was really close too) instead of me'
26 with no faith

When I realised that most of the clergy I cam across and most of the more prominent members of the church I attended were not at all christian. Nail in the coffin was the cathedral canon I spoke to about losing my faith who told me that she didn't have to turn the other cheek if the other party wasn't going to reciprocate.

I went to Catholic schools, church on Sunday etc. as a kid.
Can't honestly say I believed, I just went along with it all.

Then as a teenager in catholic high school I just remember feeling quite strongly that I didn't want to be bossed around and if there was a God why would he/she care whether I went to church or not? I got nothing out of going, never felt anything spiritual. It just felt completely ridiculous.

I was very interested in science as a teenager, the big bang theory, evolution etc. The bible just sounded completely implausible.

I miss hymns, but I think it's more that I like singing.
Apart from that I've never really given it a second thought. It added nothing to my life except boredom and it amazes me when people say they really believe because I can't understand what they get out of it.

I can respect that some people are religious and I would never try to tell anyone that they are wrong, I don't really talk about it. I don't wish to upset anyone who is religious but I can't help wondering how they really do all the mental gymnastics involved.

Honestly I think for most people they like being involved in something. Or being told what they should do.
The world is a scary place at times and maybe it comforts them.

I don't want to die but I don't think I'll know anything about it like before I was alive I didn't mind that I didn't exist iyswim.

I would love for it to be true and I am slightly agnostic just incase but in the past I’ve prayed and prayed for something and it just never happens 🤷‍♀️ So there’s only really one conclusion I can draw from that.

This is really interesting. A lot of the reasons you have all said that you no longer believe are things I have queried with an evangelical friend. She would say that God created the world but has no power to influence what happens to any of us individually or to influence or stop the terrible social decisions that have brought struggles to the world.

So she believes that God wants the best for us all and if someone prays to God then he will hope with us etc but cannot intervene to stop suffering indirectly caused by people.

She thinks God can't intervene in man-made problems or problems that could be solved if humans were more compassionate and less selfish such as famine, war etc.