How do your evenings work if you have a small child?

[ActonBell]

I’m absolutely sick of how our evenings are and desperate for a change but I don’t know what to do.

DS is nearly 4 and goes to bed at 7.30-8, normally asleep by 8.30. He’s never been much of a sleeper.

I’m not a great cook and I’m shattered in the evenings so we have fallen into this pattern where DH cooks most of the time. He potters about in the kitchen cooking recipes that take at least an hour most nights whilst listening to podcasts. I’m in the lounge playing/being climbed on or watching endless olobob top.

DS sometimes tries our food but almost never eats with us because we eat at 7 or later and he’s hungry before then. DH or I do something quick for him earlier in the day or a cooked meal at lunch. He’s in nursery 4 days a week so just had a light meal those evenings.

I hate this arrangement. I feel so lonely, especially on the days I’ve been looking after DS (DH works at least one day each weekend). When I bring it up DH says there’s no easier way to do things. It means we spend maybe ten minutes and then another 15 at the table before I’m doing bedtime. We try to do something after DS is in bed but I feel like we have 0 family time. I also feel massively guilty that I don’t do any cooking but I am really tired - I’m just not an evening person.

The one thing I’ve thought about is me trying to do some slow cooked meals in the day. Any recommendations for where to start?

What does everyone else’s routine look like?

OP- my routine wouldn't be that relevant to you as my kids are way older and my challenge is fitting meals in around multiple activities, but just wanted to add that I was never a confident cook. In the last year I have started to learn and have got way better. I used the BBC Good Food website which has loads of really easy recipes which are forgiving and don't take long - the oven baked risotto is great- they use tomatoes and bacon but you can use anything you want- I normally do mushrooms and leeks. Lots of noodle dishes as well. As I got better, I got braver about experimenting or substituting if I didn't quite have the right things.

Like you, I also have a real 6 pm slump. I do my prep (veg chopping/ weighing etc) in the morning when I've got higher energy and store it all in containers in the fridge - that makes me more likely to cook and not order take out.

I have a newborn and an 18 month old. Unless DH has to work late we all eat together at about 6pm (obviously not the newborn!)

I either cook something quick, cook something in the slow cooker, or I batch cook and freeze stuff so I can just stick it in the microwave at tea time.

I wouldn't be ok with either myself or DH pissing about in the kitchen for over an hour every week night whilst the other one was in the other room with the DC. Tell your husband that you're unhappy and it needs to change.

We all eat together early. Super early. DS (2.5) is usually in bed by 6.30. We tend to do a quick whizz around once he’s asleep to get all jobs finished off and then head up to bed whenever the baby is due to sleep. We’re asleep by 9 most nights. I love it!

We have a 3yo and 1yo. On work/ nursery days, they eat dinner there, so once home it's a short play, then book, bath and bed, starting at 6.30ish. Both in bed for around half seven, although 1yo still bf, so might be slightly later if having a big feed. DH usually starts cooking, but we try to have quick meals in the week, stir fry, heating up batch cooked chilli, etc. By half 8, we've eaten, tidied and made pack lunches.
On weekends, we have our main meal together at lunchtime. 3yo likes to help with the prep. Kids have a sandwich type dinner around 5pm, then we both start the bedtime book, bath, bed at 6.30pm. We'll grab something light for dinner, like sandwich, soup.

Husband is definitely getting the more relaxing end of the deal here. Why don't you take it in turns to do kid duty/food. Even if you don't like cooking, you can just do sausages and veggies, or stick a lasagne in the oven and spend the rest of the time pottering or listening to a podcast :-). We have a four year old and do separate meals as we like spicy food and to eat later. But we cook the kid something very simple and have a cup or tea at the table all together and have a chat.
Our routine is.. finish work at 5ish. Play, watch TV, make some pasta for kid. Sit at table while kid eats at about 5:30. Then we all hang out together until 6:30 when it's bath time. Then one of us does bath/bed and the other cooks and/or relaxes. Dinner and TV together from 7:30.

5 days a week we eat together at 5:30pm, obs this is thanks to corona home working. The remaining 2 days the kids eat at the Childminder's and we have eggs on toast or something super simple.

Our 2yo and 6yo both go to bed at 7pm (no naps). 6yo reads for an hour until lights out at 8pm.

@2kool4skool

Those eating at 5/6pm, how are you not starving by 10/11? I’d be eating twice!

We have tea & biscuits after DS is in bed, around 8.30 or 9pm

I just meal prep on Sundays while babysitter or parter watches baby and have dinner ready for 4-5 days ahead for me & partner.

Baby eats earlier than us every day but I sit down with him and take some food from us + "blend it out" with some pasta or child-friendly veggies to not drive myself crazy.

Worst case scenario I just go omelette + yoghurt for baby and frozen pizza for us adults.

No one's perfect, we all do what we can, and so are you. Don't feel bad

Agree with others that the changes that really helped us were eating together and sharing bedtimes. We used to do a separate meal for DH and I in the evenings and I was really reticent at first to eat with the children at 5.30pm as it felt way too early but you get used to it and it makes life so much simpler.

So a family meal at 5.30pm, I batch cook a lot so if I'm later in from work then I can just warm something up from the freezer. We eat a lot of pasta or noodle dishes because they're quick.

I cook and DH washes up, then we have a bit of time together even if it's just watching In the Night Garden. Upstairs by 7pm and DH and I alternate bedtimes (used to be one of us did bedtime and the other got some quiet time but now we have two DC we each take one and then swap the next night so both get one on one time with us.)

Quick tidy once we're both back downstairs but it means children are in bed, cooking and cleaning is done by about 7.45pm so we can have a couple of hours chilling out. If we get hungry again after an early dinner we have a snack around 9pm but more often than not we're not actually hungry after dinner.

I snack at 8/9pm having eaten at 5. But if I ate at 7:30/8 I’d be snacking at 4:30/5 (we eat lunch at 12 to mirror school) so it makes little difference to my overall consumption.

Ive only ever cooked one meal. If DH not home his goes in oven, we have pushed eating back to 6 now dc older so dh sometimes is home to eat with us. DC then watch a bit of TV while wash up. Then it's bath, book and sleep. So dh and I have evening to selves.

My DH usually comes home from work around 6. I will have usually cooked the DC dinner and they will eat between 5- 5.30. The younger ones (ages 5,7) will then play or watch TV for a bit and then they will have a bath . I sit in the bathroom with them and either read a book or have a look on my phone they are usually ready for bed then around 7-7.30 so it's bedtime story and lights out. DH shares this with me and then we will spend time with the older ones ( if they let us!) I usually have a nice soak in the bath and DH will make our dinner. We tend to prep certain things for the meal during the day to quicken up the process otherwise we are to tempted to call for a takeaway! We eat as a family over the weekend. Usually we have a few hours catching up or watching some TV. When our DC were at nursery we would often give them a supper when they came home as they would have had dinner there and I found they were tired so it was quicker to bed for them. Just wait till you have teenagers they never go to bed 😜

I'm a student nurse, so sometimes working till 8pm so that can be manic and disrupt evenings but typically when I'm home....

DS has tea at 5pm, with me.

DH arrives home between 6-6:30pm

DH spends time playing with DS, gets him ready for bed.

DS in bed before 7pm, cuddled to sleep then transferred into his room.

Me and DH usually binge watch tv in bed, very rarely go back downstairs, both get up super early so we're normally asleep by 9-10pm.

Works well for us, hardly exciting but it's quality time together

I'm single with 4 and 5 yr olds. I usedto feed them separately her ended up cooking and eating late for myself and having no downtime. So now we eat together around 5.30 to 6. They are getting a better variety of food,I sometimes make a slight alteration for them. I wash up straight after them once they're in bed I can sit down and do nothing if I want . Which is rare theres usually something to be done, but I'm not cooking and washing up till 9.30

It’s just not feasible for many working parents to eat as early as has been suggested here. I would never be wanting my evening meal at 4 though.

On working days our routine looks a bit like this

5.45-6 collect from wrap-around care/nursery: 30 mins of play/light snack

6.30 2yo bath and bed while 4yo watches tv
7.15 4yo bath, bed and reading
8 start dinner if only one of us is home. If both home the one doing the first bedtime cooks.

I don’t think it’s an ideal set-up tbh but I suspect is more typical of dual working families. Of a weekend, we all eat together at about 6.

Depends on work, at weekends and if one of us is working from home we all have dinner together by 6, DS in the bath 6:30/6:45 bed around 7/7:15 some shenanigans but generally asleep by 8 ish. If both working out of home or DS at nursery (he has dinner there at 4:45), he goes up for his bath at 6:30 one of us does bath and bed routine while the other starts dinner and tidies downstairs. Dinner just the two of us around 8:15/8:30 we tend to go up to bed around half ten/eleven. DS gets up around 7/7:30 but that's been 6:30 a couple of times recently 😱

Definitely Dustyhedge. Outside of COVID times I commute 5h per day, 2 days per week, ha.

During these times we rely heavily on batch cooking. So basically cooking two meals in one so that the evening isn't taken up with cooking all week.

I think one crucial question, OP, is what time you and your husband get home from work. There's no point thinking about eating at 5.30 if neither of you gets home until 7.

Don't worry about not being a great cook (as you put it). I hate cooking and am crap at it. But I spent 20 years doing it. The trick is to find things that are quick and reliably tasty. E.g. chop up a small pack of smoked salmon (M&S used to do trimmings cheaply, though not sure now). Stick it in a pan with some creme fraiche, some lemon (one of those squirty lemons, which you can keep in the fridge for ages) and some dill. Heat it up and eat it with pasta. Completely delicious and takes 10 mins. I never measure anything - I just chuck it in willy-nilly.

Another thing that's drop-dead delicious is: slice some courgettes. Fry them in olive oil until they're kind of half fried. Slice some tomatoes. Stick them in a baking dish with random quantities of Cheddar (either chopped or grated, depending on whether you can be arsed to find a grater), mozzarella, and parmesan. Stick some oregano on the top. Bake it until it's done. It is the most delicious thing ever invented, but takes minutes.

In the situation you describe in your OP, I would suggest that you trial a new version of the evening whereby you cook (quick stuff) while DH does the bath and bed routine with DS. I'd have been fed up if I'd been spending another hour entertaining the DC while DH cooked, if I'd been entertaining them all day.

If your DH likes cooking, and wants to spend ages faffing around doing it, could you suggest that he does lunch on the weekend day when he's not at work? If need be, couch it as a marvellous, special thing which only he can do because he's so very marvellous. Then it won't condemn you to being a child-entertainer at the very worst time of the evening.