How do your evenings work if you have a small child?

[ActonBell]

I’m absolutely sick of how our evenings are and desperate for a change but I don’t know what to do.

DS is nearly 4 and goes to bed at 7.30-8, normally asleep by 8.30. He’s never been much of a sleeper.

I’m not a great cook and I’m shattered in the evenings so we have fallen into this pattern where DH cooks most of the time. He potters about in the kitchen cooking recipes that take at least an hour most nights whilst listening to podcasts. I’m in the lounge playing/being climbed on or watching endless olobob top.

DS sometimes tries our food but almost never eats with us because we eat at 7 or later and he’s hungry before then. DH or I do something quick for him earlier in the day or a cooked meal at lunch. He’s in nursery 4 days a week so just had a light meal those evenings.

I hate this arrangement. I feel so lonely, especially on the days I’ve been looking after DS (DH works at least one day each weekend). When I bring it up DH says there’s no easier way to do things. It means we spend maybe ten minutes and then another 15 at the table before I’m doing bedtime. We try to do something after DS is in bed but I feel like we have 0 family time. I also feel massively guilty that I don’t do any cooking but I am really tired - I’m just not an evening person.

The one thing I’ve thought about is me trying to do some slow cooked meals in the day. Any recommendations for where to start?

What does everyone else’s routine look like?

We have a 3 year old and a 4 year old.

On weekdays sometimes we eat once the children are in bed (they go up around 7ish usually and listen to stories on Alexa) but most of the time we eat with them around 6pm. Into the bath at 6.30, bed at 7.

I do all the cooking as DH is absolutely useless and when cooking for himself on rare occasions burns even baked beans.

I do a lot of batch cooking during the week using foil trays for things like cottage pie, lasagne etc. I make bags of bolognese sauce, soup, curry, stew etc for the freezer that can easily be reheated in a hurry. Even 'big meals' like roasts tend to be a bang it all in the oven job.

On the days I'm at work whoever gets in first grabs a 'home cooked meal' that's been defrosting in the fridge and bungs it in the oven, or we quickly make pasta or sausage and (microwave mash).

The weekdays I'm not at work I'll quite often give the children an early supper of pasta or Fishfingers etc and DH and I will have something nicer later.

At weekends we quite often eat our main family meal at lunchtime and give the children a sandwich and yoghurt etc in the evening.

We have a Chippy tea about once a fortnight to give me a break from cooking.

DH does nearly all bathtimes and child wrangling before bed.

I bet your food bill is also huge if your DH is arsing around pretending he is a chef every night.

When the kids were under 5, they ate at 5.30, bath at 6, in bed by 6.30 to be asleep by 7pm. Then we would cook and eat around 7.30/8pm.

Now they are older (7 and 9) we all eat together at 6pm, bath by 7pm and lights out 7.30/8pm ish. If no school the next day for which they need to be up at 6.30am I will let them read in bed a bit later while DH and I get on with chores or catch up on work, watch something together some nights, walk the dog and head to bed.

Every so often DH and I will have a restaurant meal kit or a takeaway in which case we sit with the kids while they eat dinner at 6pm and have a glass of wine while they eat. Then we cook and eat when they're solo reading in bed.

I'm not much of a cook either so dh does it. He finishes work at 5, goes to cook sometimes I chat with him, others I'm with kids. Dinner on table 5:30 most nights. Milk and stories just before 6:30 then bed. If bath night they either get it before dinner if time/, energy allows our we do milk and stories upstairs afterward (takes up more time bringing them back down and up again).

My suggestion would be talk/help while cooking, podcasts can wait. 39min cook meals unless you really have time and as pp mentioned earlier tea and bedtime. We save dessert until later if we fancy it so not eating too much more😂

DC are 4 and 1, we are both wfh. We eat all together at 5.30/6ish. We all eat the same thing but we deliberately cook easy things like jacket potatoes or pasta with meat balls on week nights. Fancy cooking is saved for the weekends.

DS2 falls asleep around 7-7.30 but DS1 hates going to bed/sleep and is rarely asleep before 8.30 DH starts tidying while I get DS1 to sleep then we finish off cleaning together. We usually get to sit down around 9/9.30.

If you eat at 7 and DH has fucked about in the kitchen for an hour, surely he's not going in there until say 5.30 if he's also preparing DS a meal. So do you mean you get no family time on the days he works? Yes I think its worth throwing something in the slow cooker on those days whilst DS is playing / plonked I'm front of the TV then you can have the rest of the day. You could all then eat earlier so you can eat together.

Can DH do his share of bedtimes? If he's been at work l day it's nice for them to have that time together. You do the night DH has him all day and then split the rest.

Can you get DS down even 30 minutes earlier? So aim for sleep at 8?

We have dinner at 5.30-6 and DS goes up to bed at just past 7 asleep for 8 and we don't do much between dinner and his bed. Tidy a bit, watch telly, play with the babies etc

I have 3 kids, 4 8 and 11. We all eat together. Admittedly it is earlier than usual (5pm) but it means that we have that time together, then DH and I have time to clear up. We run the bath for the kids at 6ish, and they're all washed and in pyjamas by 7pm. I take the 4 year old to bed at 7, and DH puts the 8 year old to bed at 7:30. Eldest reads at this time and goes up to bed when 4 year old is asleep (they share a room).

3:30 - 6:30 is the hardest part of the day for me, once they're all fed and washed I breathe a sigh of relief!

DD is 3 and eats tea earlier than us. She has tea at nursery on those days so just has a snack at home. On Wednesdays she and I have tea together and on weekends we all do. DH is a teacher so isn’t usually home till 6:30. Bedtime routine starts at 6:30 (6:00 if she’s having a bath and hair wash) and she’s in bed at 7, usually asleep by 7:15. We prioritise quick and easy for tea in the week so have something like pasta, chicken or fish and roasted veg, fajitas, pizza. We did Hello Fresh for a while but I got sick of all the packaging. During covid there’s not a lot else to do but eat tea, watch something on Netflix and then go to bed and read books. Some nights I have to catch up on work. We do tend to sit together most of the time in the evenings but it’s kind of knackered full time working parents sit together like zombies rather than anything more exciting.

DC are 3 and 5 months. I’m on mat leave atm but since lockdown (when I was wfh) we’ve all eaten together at 5.45/6ish. It’s nice to eat together and DS eats everything so no faffing with separate meals. Since the baby was born DH gives DS a shower while I bath the baby at about 6.30, then I read DS stories while feeding the baby, then DH tucks DS in and I put the baby down. Both asleep by 7 and DH and I have some snacks and TV usually.

We love the slow cooker and use it a few times a week - stews, tagines, curries, ratatouille, can even do lasagne in it. We also do a lot of roast vegetables with couscous/bulgur wheat and goats cheese/feta which are very easy to prepare once the veg is chopped. We take turns with meal prep but nearly always do it during the day. On a Friday DS has something easy and DH and I have a takeaway once he’s asleep.

I think you need to eat together and try to avoid meals that need complicated prep so that you can spend that time together as a family.

I do cooking while DH plays with DC (1) we eat together at 5.30 -6pm then I clean up a bit while DH entertains DC. and baby has bath at 7pm and in bed at 7:30 then I go for shower and DH cleans up whatever is left to do. Usually on sofa with cup of tea by 8pm.

Eating together made a lot of difference to our evenings. Before, we were still cleaning up at 9pm. However I do get peckish in the evenings now.

We have a 4 year old. I start cooking at 4pm, Dinner at 5pm. One last play activity, shower at 6.30, story and in bed by 7. Don't hear a peep until 7 am ish.
I then have a shower and relax for the rest of the evening.

I have a 3 and 5 years old and expecting another one early May. I cook the same for everyone. I work 3 days in the office and two days from home. On the days I work in the office, I cook in the morning before work so we have a hot meal ready for the evening. Depends on the type of food and cuisine you like and your child likes etc. Mine likes rice based dishes so I tend to cook a few of those.
Today I cooked a chicken curry with gourd, pan fried mushroom, steamed greens and fried potatoes.
For tomorrow as I will be in the office, I have already prepped vegs for a pasta sauce so peppers, tomatoes, carrots, courgette, sweet corn, garlic, red onions and tomorrow I will blitz it and cook some pasta with in the sauce with some cheese.
On Tuesday, I will be in the office so I will wake early and boil some rice, cook a brown lentil in the pressure cooker with carrots which takes less than 30 minutes and whilst that’s cooking, I will cook some eggs in tomatoes and onions and garlic.
I tend to cook simple dishes but plenty of vegs with melas as that’s the sort of food I grew up with.

We also do a takeout once a week and eat later and do DC a simple meal, sort of a date night for us (no childcare available).

We have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. We eat tea together at 5ish. In the week I cook as DH is usually home just in time to sit with us sometimes as we are finishing. Then at 6.30 we all go upstairs and do bath together. We then take it in turns to put the boys to bed. Both asleep by 7.30 usually.
Eating together and sharing bedtime definitely works for us.

On work nights kids eat at childcare and we eat once they are in bed. On the other days dinner is at 5.45 for everyone, with a quick bath at 6.15 (one of us does bath and one clears up), story time and bed for about 7pm.

After this the evening is our own, we have eaten, tidied up and whoever isn't doing the bath will sweep/mop floor too. Whoever does the bath will also put washing away and clean the bathroom afterwards.

We eat together as soon as DH is done with work (happily this is usually 5 as only commuting from upstairs!), and have compromised on what we eat, especially in the week. So nothing that involves following a recipe or an hour of preparation for one meal. If I’m spending an hour it’ll be making a big batch of something (chilli, lasagne etc) which freezes in portions and saves time I other days. Otherwise I cook things like a casserole where everything just goes in one pot, put in the oven and then I can do other stuff while it’s cooking. I also have no problem with dinner being oven pizza or “beige with chips” sometimes in the week, even for adults. And I’m a SAHM with children at school, I just don’t want to dedicate several hours a day to preparing, serving and clearing up 2/3 meals a day.

And my kids get bathed and hair washed a couple of times a week - takes too much time and sets off their eczema to do it more often. They don’t smell and get washed in between, but a quick flannel is a lot faster than the whole bath time palaver.

Mine are bigger now but when possible we used to eat together and eat the same meal

3 year old and 1 year old. Both work full time.

Home at around 5pm. Eat at 6pm.

I tend to cook because I prefer it and DH entertains the children with a bit of playing or cbeebies.

We all eat the same stuff most of time, but occasionally I might make them something a little quicker and simpler if DH and I are having something spicy or we want an adult dinner.

Bath time is at 6.40. One of us tidies the kitchen while the other runs the bath. We then have a story all together in the baby's room before lights out at about 7.15pm.

DH and I then finish tidying. Evenings vary; sometimes we watch TV together or talk, other times we might do our own thing, just depends what we fancy. I often have work to do in the evenings, but i try not to do it every night or set myself a time limit.

We all eat at 6. Even on DD (2.5) nursery days dp and I eat at 6 and she'll have a small portion even though she's had nursery dinner. I cook. Then at 7 whoever is doing bedtime takes DD upstairs and she sleeps by 8. Whoever isn't do bedtime tidies up downstairs. Then from 8 the evening is our own.

My DD's are 17, 6 and 4. On schooldays the youngest DD's eat at 4.30 and go to bed at 6-6.30. Me and eldest DD eat at 7-7.30. On weekends we all eat together at 5pm.

We eat at 6, as a family, every night. I always cook and dh always clears up. DS is a fussy little bugger but we still feed him at the same time, I just always include at least one thing I know he will eat. We like everything cleared away by 7. Then our 5 year old is in bed at 7.30 and asleep by 8.

No frigging way would I let DH fanny around in the kitchen for hours. Our kids are 4 and 7, dinner is at 5.30pm for everyone, finish dinner at 6. Play outside till 7, inside, quick wash, snack, bed. Kids asleep by 7.30pm.

Swap with your DH. He gets the kid while you potter in the kitchen for an hour with a podcast. You can make an omelette, shop bought filled pasta etc. And get an hour worth of chill time.

With regards to the actual meals, we have a mix of slow cooker stuff and stuff I've prepped during the day so can just bang in oven when necessary

It isn't actually clear to me why you don't eat earlier as I feel that would solve a lot of your problems? Unless your DH is not WFH at the moment and doesn't finish/get home til 6?

Also he needs to cook shit that doesn't take an hour. He's almost certainly using it as an excuse. I'm a very keen, very good cook - I cook everything from scratch and no way do I spend that long faffing about in the kitchen. Even if something takes a long time to cook, it'll just be in the oven or need the occasional stir so I can perfectly well see to DS at the same time.

Some men make a right song and dance over cooking, hacks me right off!!!

Difficult of you've only got one potentially free day at the weekend, but I suggest lots of batch cooking. I fill up the freezer with 80/100 meals and we eat from it every night especially when we know we'll be busy. Would be lost without it. Still don't sit down until 8.