Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Friend is insisting their large 3 bedroomed house is a 1 bedroom

91 replies

PandemicAtTheDisco · 21/03/2021 01:27

Can someone explain why they would do this? Is it a sign she is struggling with MH reasons or is there a rational explanation? There aren't any uninvited guests that want to stay there. Is it because of no planning permission? I tried to ask her and she said the 2nd bedroom was too small and the loft wasn't a proper bedroom. She got angry about it so I just shut up about it. She's now said something about someone having a huge place and how envious she is - but her house is so much bigger and everyone knows it.

She had a partner and 4 children live in the house at one time. She now has a widow's pension and money for her disabilities. She has a day bed downstairs but gets up the stairs to the first floor easily enough. A few people have suggested she move to a smaller house but she doesn't want to. That was a few years ago after her youngest child moved out.

The main bedroom and second bedroom are on the first floor. The second bedroom has been made smaller by wardrobes and cupboards the whole length of the room - this has been done in the last few years. There is a wardrobe at the end and you go thru the wardrobe to get to the loft conversion stairs. She has removed the bedroom door and says it is too small to be a bedroom - despite having a single bed in it.

The stairs to the loft have a fire door; they are narrower than the other stairs but seem well made. The only odd thing is the wardrobe Narnia door and taking the bedroom door off.

The loft conversion has a dormer window and spans the whole of the loft. There is a king size bed and a single bed in it. Many houses on the street have converted the space into two bedrooms with an ensuite.

OP posts:

ElderMillennial · 21/03/2021 09:05

It sounds like a very strange conversation

dontgobaconmyheart · 21/03/2021 09:06

Why does this matter to you though? Your OP makes it seem that you're more annoyed that she is better off (in your opinion) than you but 'pretends' she isn't. The whole 'and everyone else agrees she looks odd and dishonest' vibe seems very unkind.

It sounds like she is very unhappy in her living situation and what she envies might be the fact she thinks others are more content in their home with less trouble and clutter. Perhaps she doesn't know how to manage her house or sort it out so she is happy with it so feels she only has the one bedroom that's usable. Given she seems to have been through a lot and struggles with mobility I can see how this would be accurate.

Friends sarcastically offering house swaps and digs about leaving if you don't like it doesn't seem very helpful. In fact it seems quite petty and rooted in jealousy. Perhaps ask if she'd like some help doing a spring clean instead and ask if she needs any help adapting the house to her mobility needs as it clearly isn't suitable. Furthermore it isnt for anyone but her to say how easy it is or isnt for her to get upstairs, she may be able to some days and not others and that isnt proof she is fine. Illness doesn't work that way.

BrieAndChilli · 21/03/2021 09:08

If she has 4 grown children presumably with at a least a couple of partners maybe even grandchildren then be home would only be practical for 1 set to come and visit at a time. Maybe she’s wanting a bigger more practically and privately laid out house so she can have all her family to stay at Xmas etc? Especially if she is a widow and feeling lonely

Dingleydel · 21/03/2021 09:09

Is she just someone who likes to go on about how poor she is ? We used to have friends like this. They went on and on about what a struggle things were for them. They couldn’t afford this and that. They lived in the most beautiful enormous house that was worth well over a million pounds and only eventually sold up well after the last child left home. Then then bought an equally lovely cottage and double the size of it. I think some people are embarrassed about being better off than friends and try to over compensate with complaining.

FreekStar · 21/03/2021 09:09

I make no wonder your friend is being defensive if you are trying to tell her that a a two bedroomed house with a loft conversion is large or even huge!

It's not!

And if the second bedroom has a staircase in it to get to the loft conversion then it's not practical for it to be a bedroom- imagine you're asleep, getting changed etc. and someone else emerges from the wardrobe? Weird!

I think your friend sounds sane to me! Maybe you need to a reality check!

Alternista · 21/03/2021 09:15

I honestly can’t fathom why this conversation keeps coming up in this level of detail? You know her house better than I know my own!!

Nith · 21/03/2021 09:25

@Alternista

I honestly can’t fathom why this conversation keeps coming up in this level of detail? You know her house better than I know my own!!

Presumably because friend keeps bringing it up?

Umbivalent · 21/03/2021 09:26

That "loft conversion" is, basically, a firetrap and not legal at all.

TheVanguardSix · 21/03/2021 09:26

Oh I don't know. Just let her crack on, OP. Your interest is nearly as exhausting as her insistence. She's certainly got a willing audience in you. I'd care a bit less about it, all if I were you.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 21/03/2021 09:34

My guess is that she’d got herself into the mindset that she’d move, has had an estate agent round to value it, they’ve told her all the issues and told her they can only value and market it as a one-bed, and she’s become very depressed by that.

It’s clearly a massive problem for her, but unless she tells someone all about what’s really happened, nobody can help her, and moaning isn’t going to make the problems go away.

Branleuse · 21/03/2021 09:34

lots of loft rooms arent allowed to be considered official bedrooms, and also if a room is really small, it cant really be counted either except as an office

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/03/2021 09:37

how can one walk through a wardrobe

Occasionally happens but you tend to end up in Narnia.

Wear a thick coat.

Umbivalent · 21/03/2021 09:38

Also, if they've got some sort of odd wardrobe-based entry to their loft conversion, I doubt very much that the standard of work generally comes anywhere close to obeying building regs...

VodkaSlimline · 21/03/2021 09:40

Why do you care? This is a non-issue. Smile and nod.

RickiTarr · 21/03/2021 09:42

@dotdashdashdash

She may well be right.

For mortgage purposes, the room with the stairs cant be classed as a bedroom and if the loft room doesn't have building regs sign off, it can't be classed as a bedroom either...leaving one actual bedroom. How you use a house in reality though is obviously quite different.

This.

The second bedroom is a corridor and the third bedroom is hidden behind a wardrobe and the stairs may mean that it’s not up to regs. So if she sold it, she may well have to market it as a one bedroom.

If they’d done the work more rationally or left it alone it would be a proper two bedroom at least. Maybe she has been told this and regrets the choices.

mercimacherie · 21/03/2021 09:43

It sounds like it was a 2 bedroom house (2nd room seems to be box room size) which now has a loft conversion that would not meet building regs. If she was selling the house it would be classed as a 2 bed.

Seeline · 21/03/2021 09:45

@MrsTulipTattsyrup

It’s clearly a massive problem for her, but unless she tells someone all about what’s really happened, nobody can help her, and moaning isn’t going to make the problems go away.

Exactly what I was thinking.

PlanDeRaccordement · 21/03/2021 09:50

@dotdashdashdash

She may well be right.

These are my thoughts too. We have a old farmhouse built on medieval foundations and you walk through one room to get to another room. There is no hall way. So upstairs, from top of the landing, you walk through a room to get to the master bedroom. The room I walk through is large enough to be a single bedroom but cannot be classed as one because you walk straight through it to get to the master bedroom.

The “second bedroom” you describe sounds like a wide hallway with wardrobes down one wall and a single bed on the other. Too, you have to walk through it to get to loft stairs. It’s really a glorified stair landing in my mind. The loft could be a bedroom, but may not be if the planning permission and construction inspections were never done.

ginghamstarfish · 21/03/2021 09:51

Lying to the insurance company to get a cheaper price? Same re council tax/benefits?

Umbivalent · 21/03/2021 09:57

@ginghamstarfish

Lying to the insurance company to get a cheaper price? Same re council tax/benefits?

No. It is quite clear from OP's posts that the house legally only has one bedroom.

user64332 · 21/03/2021 10:21

I think she is right OP. I viewed and made an offer of a house recently that was advertised as a 4 bed. But after I had put my offer in it was withdrawn from sale due to building regulation issues. Turns out it could only be listed as a 2 bed, because the loft conversion didn't have building regulations, and although it had windows, the ceiling wasn't high enough, and the stairs were coming out of another bedroom so that could no longer be considered a bedroom. So she might mean she is stuck in an unsuitable house because she now can't sell it.

Benjispruce2 · 21/03/2021 10:31

Why do you care? How does it affect you?

DavidsSchitt · 21/03/2021 10:33

You're "concerned" because she's accurately described her current living situation?

Rubbish, sounds to me like you're desperate to be worse off than this woman. Are you always telling her how good she's got it?

You describe her "widows pension" "disabilities money" and her kids all having moved out and it took her to get angry for you to shut up about it?

Presumably someone she loved had to die and she has to suffer multiple illnesses and pain through those disabilities? Not to mention the loneliness of the past year since none of her children are at home.

Not surprised she's fucked off with you banging on about her massive house all the time then having the nerve to feign "concern for her mental health" when she dares to point out it's not.

TheSparkleJar · 21/03/2021 10:51

In fairness if the loft is converted and the second bedroom is a box-room I can see how she would describe it that way. I hate attic bedrooms because they end up freezing in winter and boiling in summer.

littlepattilou · 21/03/2021 11:28

Unless I have missed it @PandemicAtTheDisco you haven't said if she is renting or buying, and if she is in receipt of benefits or not.

If it IS rented and she is hoping to get housing benefit, she is deluded if she thinks that the benefits office will agree she has 1 bedroom house. She has THREE bedrooms. Master room, loft room, small bedroom.

In some cases, councils include a dining room as a liveable bedroom. So if she has that, she could be classed as having a 4 bedroom house!!!

And I could be making this up, but I think they consider a LOUNGE as a potential bedroom when people claim they are overcrowded, to get a bigger house.

She can bleat all she likes about it being a 1 bedroom house. Doesn't make it one. It's a 3 bedroom house. (Minimum!)

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread