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Original poster

Friend is insisting their large 3 bedroomed house is a 1 bedroom

91 replies

PandemicAtTheDisco · 21/03/2021 01:27

Can someone explain why they would do this? Is it a sign she is struggling with MH reasons or is there a rational explanation? There aren't any uninvited guests that want to stay there. Is it because of no planning permission? I tried to ask her and she said the 2nd bedroom was too small and the loft wasn't a proper bedroom. She got angry about it so I just shut up about it. She's now said something about someone having a huge place and how envious she is - but her house is so much bigger and everyone knows it.

She had a partner and 4 children live in the house at one time. She now has a widow's pension and money for her disabilities. She has a day bed downstairs but gets up the stairs to the first floor easily enough. A few people have suggested she move to a smaller house but she doesn't want to. That was a few years ago after her youngest child moved out.

The main bedroom and second bedroom are on the first floor. The second bedroom has been made smaller by wardrobes and cupboards the whole length of the room - this has been done in the last few years. There is a wardrobe at the end and you go thru the wardrobe to get to the loft conversion stairs. She has removed the bedroom door and says it is too small to be a bedroom - despite having a single bed in it.

The stairs to the loft have a fire door; they are narrower than the other stairs but seem well made. The only odd thing is the wardrobe Narnia door and taking the bedroom door off.

The loft conversion has a dormer window and spans the whole of the loft. There is a king size bed and a single bed in it. Many houses on the street have converted the space into two bedrooms with an ensuite.

OP posts:

sleveen · 21/03/2021 05:37

I should have said that I was embarrassed about her coming to my house, as it was so 'poor' compared to hers! I never thought that maybe she could also want what I had as I wanted what she had!

Like if you've a great big jallopy of a range rover and you remark to someone with a small car that you wish you had one. Sometimes people can genuinely not want what they have.

StephenBelafonte · 21/03/2021 06:17

Just change the topic of conversation when it comes up.

When all's said and done, does it matter whether she says her house is a 1 bedroom or a 3 bedroom?

Saltyslug · 21/03/2021 06:23

The attic stairs might not meet regulation and therefore cannot be classed as a third bedroom?? Or the final set of stairs are too much to physically tackle do she doesn’t use the space??

The cupboards probably make the second bedroom feel like a dressing room.

Moving sounds a good option

Saltyslug · 21/03/2021 06:28

Take a different tact. Suggest she gets it valued and move

puppychaos · 21/03/2021 06:33

Tbh I agree - one double bedroom, and then a small single bedroom that has stairs up to the loft? That's a one bed - big one bed, but it's a ridiculous layout that no one could use as a three bed.

sittingonacornflake · 21/03/2021 06:40

I also agree it's a 1 bed. If the loft room was regs compliant and accessed by stairs that we not situated in the room you are trying to call a bedroom it would be different. It sounds like she's had it valued by an estate agent and has been told it will have to be marketed as a 1 bed.

HeronLanyon · 21/03/2021 06:49

Sounds to me as though she may feel others are overly invested in her downsizing and overly interested in her living arrangements.
It may have tipped into being a bit of a ‘thing’ for her but it sounds as though it is a bit of a ‘thing’ for others too, you included, op.
If this were my mum/friend I would retreat from the whole issue. I would definitely check my own behaviour/thinking - this is not a ‘huge house’ and why am I so anxious for her to admit it is - type checking.
So what if she has done unusual layout things which she now feels she has to dig in on and explain away.
I’d Not bring it up, not comment on it and definitely not suggest downsizing etc (unless there is some welfare/care requirement worry).
Let her be on this issue so it maybe becomes less of an issue for her.

speakout · 21/03/2021 06:51

How does this impact you OP?

She sounds quite a sad person actually, but not sure why you have started a thread about this.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 21/03/2021 07:00

Tbh that doesnt sound like a big 3 bed to me. She's probably irritated that people are overly invested in her house and wont stop passing comment....

ElleDubloo · 21/03/2021 07:12

Hard to tell from your OP. Perhaps other people commenting on her house all the time are making her feel defensive.

Standrewsschool · 21/03/2021 07:30

It sounds like a two bedroom house to me, with a oft conversation.

Why does it matter what size it is?

Whenthesunshines · 21/03/2021 07:34

@safariboot

Wild guess, is she scared she'll be forced to move out of her "too big" home (whether that fear has any basis or not)? And is therefore portraying it as a 1 bed to stop anyone taking it away from her, would be the logic?

My guess exactly.

Number3BigCupOfTea · 21/03/2021 07:56

I'd say she's not comfortable being envied and has to reframe any good fortune at all so that it's not fortunate.

I am a bit like this. I was always the one who scraped through their exams, the one who didn't get in to university, the one with the ugly bf, the one with the abusive bf, the one with a shit job, the one who was a single parent! Like, I kept going throughout all of this, kept positive, mostly, mixed with the more fortunate person and was included in most things! But deep down I see my role as the underdog
That may be where she's coming from. To be the one with more space than she needs is not how she sees herself. To be the one that other people envy now, just not a concept she can process.

I get it.

Number3BigCupOfTea · 21/03/2021 07:59

And, wrt her calling it a 1 bedroom, in some contexts, that may be accurate. Do you ever look on property sites and think, that's a lot for a 2 bed, but when you click on it, it's got a fabulous attic conversion. But if the ceiling isn't xx feet high you cannot call it a third bedroom. (Don't know the height)

JellyfishandShells · 21/03/2021 08:01

@dotdashdashdash

She may well be right.

For mortgage purposes, the room with the stairs cant be classed as a bedroom and if the loft room doesn't have building regs sign off, it can't be classed as a bedroom either...leaving one actual bedroom. How you use a house in reality though is obviously quite different.

Exactly this

Meripenopause · 21/03/2021 08:09

@Number3BigCupOfTea

I'd say she's not comfortable being envied and has to reframe any good fortune at all so that it's not fortunate.

I get it.

Yes this! I am also a bit like this. Also the 2nd bedroom sounds like it is now what a 'throughfare'. And the loft is what estate agents describe as 'the attic is boarded and has a velux window,' even though photos show a carpeted room with beds and cupboards. In the strictest sense, 1 bed could be accurate.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/03/2021 08:13

I agree with others that it's a little odd that this keeps being brought up, and OP you haven't explained HOW she is bringing it up or it's being mentioned.

I also agree with PPs that it's a totally impractical layout which means her house is never going to reach the price for a "normal" 3 bed. If I was her I'd be looking to sell and buy a flat, especially if she now has mobility issues.

Do you know WHY she wants a large house/more space? Does she have a lot of things stored?

It all sounds a bit odd and it's like she's creating a bit of a victim/martyr narrative in her head.

mummabubs · 21/03/2021 08:19

As @Dotdashdashdash says. We went to view a "4" bed cottage a few weeks ago priced at £460,000. Shortly after our viewing the listing was revised to a 1 bedroom and we could see why - The loft room had no building regs (and the roof was so low you couldn't stand up in it!), the fixed stairs from that led into the bedroom below, and then the third room had a massive chunk of floor taken out by stair bulkhead so was under the legal limit for a bedroom.

savvy7 · 21/03/2021 08:19

It is only now with the new Consumer regs that estate agents are obliged to be honest about lack of building regs. Prior to the regs, some just turned a blind eye or were downright deceitful. Or perhaps if she did the conversion, she was misled by the builder? This could explain why she feels defensive about it.

If you really are friends, a little empathy might go a long way as I suspect your friend is feeling very anxious about this and the defensivenss is her way of trying to protect herself.

minniemoocher · 21/03/2021 08:24

Is she in fact deeply unhappy with her living situation, she's a widow you mentioned, kids left home. Perhaps the house is haunting her?

Nith · 21/03/2021 08:30

I'm still struggling to envisage the single bedroom arrangement. If there was originally a door at the foot of the steps to the loft, does that mean that they start behind a wall? Does the wardrobe leading to the stairs over that end of the room completely? What happens about windows?

We may need a plan!

Umbivalent · 21/03/2021 08:50

She's right about the loft conversion not being a bedroom. If the stairs go to it from another room, it can't legally be called a bedroom.

ittakes2 · 21/03/2021 08:52

I think its worth considering why you want to spend so much time on this. If you were really worried about mental health problems for her than you would have said much more in your post about her other behaviours rather than a very long explanation of her house layout. You don't sound like you like her. I think you need to have a think whether you really want to be friends with her or not. It sounds like she gets under your skin.

BreatheAndFocus · 21/03/2021 09:00

I can just about understand what she’s saying - the loft bedroom isn’t officially a bedroom so would count as a loft maybe, the second bedroom isn’t private - but what’s weird to me is why on earth she’s put a wardrobe with no back over the entrance to the loft??

Firstly, if it’s just her living there, why has she got so many wardrobes in the first place? And why put one over the entrance to the stairs to the loft room?

To me, the number of bedrooms is less an issue than the excess of wardrobes!

HeronLanyon · 21/03/2021 09:02

I actually love her putting her wardrobe where she wants and dealing with entrance to the loft as she wants.
All easily reversible if and when she sells I’d think.
I can imagine a walk in with a door in it - as long as fire safety is ok I love the idea.

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