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Shall I split DDs inheritance of baby 2 comes along?

427 replies

AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps · 20/03/2021 18:01

DD is about to inherit £10,000 from my Dad.

All grandchildren were left the same amount.

We are trying for a second child. It's IVF and we have only one chance. If second child does come along. Do you think I should split DDs inheritance with her?

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 22/03/2021 10:03

She's getting a hard time because she wrote an OP about a very specific situation, then many pages in, said that actually, that wasn't the situation at all. Then got irritable with people who pointed out that this made a moral, material and practical difference.

The fact that she and her siblings, not the GCs, are the beneficiaries, has a lot of implications, moral and practical as well as legal. They can each do whatever they like with their 1/3 and, if they are choosing to pool it together to pass it all on to the GCs, they can do that whenever they like; in terms of distributing the funds (e.g. they could all wait five or more years to allow for any further GCs to appear) and in terms of at what age they make it available to the GCs (this could be at 21 or 25, rather than 18 for example).

That is a very different situation from the one OP initially described; in which those GCs living at the time of the grandfather's death were the beneficiaries of his estate. In that case, the money would legally be theirs (no options for parents to pool or split it) and would legally become theirs at 18.

My concern is that OP's children (if she goes on to have another) are being doubly disadvantaged. They didn't get to know their grandfather and they will inherit less from him than will their cousins.

That seems to have come about because OP (and perhaps her siblings) have chosen to regard the inheritance as if it legally belonged to their DCs (hence OP's misleading post here), boxing in their thinking on the matter, so failing to recognise that that idea is simply a choice they have made and which could be made differently.

For example, if each sibling took their third and OP put hers in a savings account, then, if she has another child, each GC has an equal amount. If she doesn't, she can share out her 'extra' £6,666 among the other four GCs.

AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps · 22/03/2021 10:11

@lottiegarbanzo

She's getting a hard time because she wrote an OP about a very specific situation, then many pages in, said that actually, that wasn't the situation at all. Then got irritable with people who pointed out that this made a moral, material and practical difference.

The fact that she and her siblings, not the GCs, are the beneficiaries, has a lot of implications, moral and practical as well as legal. They can each do whatever they like with their 1/3 and, if they are choosing to pool it together to pass it all on to the GCs, they can do that whenever they like; in terms of distributing the funds (e.g. they could all wait five or more years to allow for any further GCs to appear) and in terms of at what age they make it available to the GCs (this could be at 21 or 25, rather than 18 for example).

That is a very different situation from the one OP initially described; in which those GCs living at the time of the grandfather's death were the beneficiaries of his estate. In that case, the money would legally be theirs (no options for parents to pool or split it) and would legally become theirs at 18.

My concern is that OP's children (if she goes on to have another) are being doubly disadvantaged. They didn't get to know their grandfather and they will inherit less from him than will their cousins.

That seems to have come about because OP (and perhaps her siblings) have chosen to regard the inheritance as if it legally belonged to their DCs (hence OP's misleading post here), boxing in their thinking on the matter, so failing to recognise that that idea is simply a choice they have made and which could be made differently.

For example, if each sibling took their third and OP put hers in a savings account, then, if she has another child, each GC has an equal amount. If she doesn't, she can share out her 'extra' £6,666 among the other four GCs.

I didn't get irritable with the people who said it made a difference. I got irritable because people suggested I should keep the money I had promised to the nieces and nephews.

I'm not even sure why people are still suggesting I keep the money and go back on our agreement. When I have made it abundantly clear that I will not backtrack on my agreement.

All those suggesting that I do this, might happily backtrack and not give the promised money themselves. And I'm sure they won't be upset if it happened to their kids. I'm sure they'd be completely understanding that their sibling is holding the money indefinitely, and it would cause no problems or any ill feeling at all.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 22/03/2021 10:23

OP, what on earth is that third paragraph about? Why are you impugning the morality of everyone who choses to offer a different perspective? It's a weird, unpleasant response to other posters, that's been running throughout the thread.

Ok, you don't want help, you don't want to think, or to discuss anything. You are free to do whatever you like with your £10k, to help your child or children. All the best for your IVF.

yumscrumfatbum · 22/03/2021 10:31

This happened to us, it was a smaller amount of money put into a savings bond. We saved and did one for our fourth child to make it equitable.

Runnerduck34 · 22/03/2021 11:11

I probably would , but I would try if possible to match it by saving up.
I assume your dc is too young to know anything about it? would be more difficult if they were teenagers. Its better if both dcs have same start in life when they are adults

CyberdyneSystems · 22/03/2021 11:21

It was left to your daughter. It's your daughter's and nobody else's

If you want to give 5k to a child that hasn't even been born do it out of your own inheritance, don't steal her's

TeenMinusTests · 22/03/2021 11:32

@CyberdyneSystems

It was left to your daughter. It's your daughter's and nobody else's

If you want to give 5k to a child that hasn't even been born do it out of your own inheritance, don't steal her's

There wasn't a will. It is the OP's inheritance due to intestacy laws. The GF wanted it to go to his grandchildren. Any future baby would be a grandchild.
GreyhoundG1rl · 22/03/2021 13:00

Op has clearly made up her mind what she's going to do (had done so before starting the thread in fact, based on her rude response to most posters opinions).
Why she's still arguing the toss on the Internet is anybody's guess.

ionlyasked · 22/03/2021 13:37

This is why in my will it says x amount of money to be divided equally between all grandchildren. This then takes into account any grandchildren not yet born. When my own mother died she did leave a will she did not have a lot to leave but it still caused arguaments between my brother and sister. My sister has two children, I have one and my brother is childless. My sister said that the money should be split six ways so that all the grandchildren would get an equal share. That would have meant that my sisters family would get £30,000, I would get £20,000 and my brother £10,000. My sister insisted that my mother would have wanted the grandchildren to have a share. Luckily I was able to make her see sense that she was in effect taking £10,000 from my brother. Lesson learned always make a clear will to avoid any misunderstanding.

ionlyasked · 22/03/2021 13:38

Should have read did not leave a will

LittlePearl · 22/03/2021 13:40

OP, there are some very unpleasant posters on this thread. I'm sorry you're getting a hard time about your decision to honour your father's wishes.

For those saying OP's dad should have made a will - yes, of course he should. But he didn't. Lots of people don't, for all sorts of reasons. The important thing is that he made his wishes clear and his lovely family is trying to do its best to fulfil them.

Most threads about inheritance are full of people shrieking in fury and accusing the OP of being 'grabby'. Here is a thread with a poster being anything but grabby and still the haters are out in force. Bizarre.

HeronLanyon · 22/03/2021 13:40

ionlyasked in the context of this whole thread development your missing not has really made me laugh. Cue lots of angry confused posts to you now ConfusedGrin

peachweach · 22/03/2021 14:32

OP I don't know why people insist on arguing about this - whether they think the inheritance split and the fact your dad didn't leave a will is wrong is their opinion, but it's irrelevant as you've made it clear that you're happy with the decision, and it isn't what you were asking.
So there was a drip feed, it has now been explained, get over it! Lots of nastiness on this thread, let's not forget that OP has lost her dad here.

To answer your actual question - I think I would also be considering splitting the 10k between your 2 children if you do fall pregnant again. Like you say, there's more time for it to grow unlike the older grandchildren's money, and if it did come up in the future I would expect my children to understand the situation, as you have said.

So sorry for your loss, and good luck with your IVF! Flowers

AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps · 22/03/2021 14:49

@ionlyasked

This is why in my will it says x amount of money to be divided equally between all grandchildren. This then takes into account any grandchildren not yet born. When my own mother died she did leave a will she did not have a lot to leave but it still caused arguaments between my brother and sister. My sister has two children, I have one and my brother is childless. My sister said that the money should be split six ways so that all the grandchildren would get an equal share. That would have meant that my sisters family would get £30,000, I would get £20,000 and my brother £10,000. My sister insisted that my mother would have wanted the grandchildren to have a share. Luckily I was able to make her see sense that she was in effect taking £10,000 from my brother. Lesson learned always make a clear will to avoid any misunderstanding.
Ah.. but what does "all grandchildren" mean? Living grandchildren at time of death? Living and conceived? Or must everyone wait until everyone is 100% sure that no future grandchildren will appear.

What if her son has a child at 77?

So it's not clear :p

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 22/03/2021 15:53

Living grandchildren at time of death?
Yes, of course that what it means if it's written into a will Confused
The status quo at the time the estate passed on.

MsMoppet · 22/03/2021 18:03

@Sansaplans

There wasn't a will, technically and legally it's your share, what you do with it is up to you. I would say having a different amount to a sibling would create more issues than a different amount to cousins.
I agree with this. Split the money equally between your children if you want because it's your money. If your Dad had made a will leaving it to one daughter, that would be different.
AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps · 22/03/2021 18:19

@GreyhoundG1rl

Living grandchildren at time of death? Yes, of course that what it means if it's written into a will Confused The status quo at the time the estate passed on.
Well. Apparently it means living grandchildren at time of death for ionlyasked. But, according to a fair amount of people on this thread, for me it includes unborn children apparently... 🙄
OP posts:
Usagi12 · 22/03/2021 18:22

What would your dad have wanted you to do?

Usagi12 · 22/03/2021 18:27

Tbh I wouldn't worry about it yet if I were you. If you do have a second child you'll want to treat them both the same. Unfortunately neither will know their grandfather but they can both benefit from what he left behind for you all. I'd split it, it's not fair on your second child if you don't to be the only grandchild with nothing. Surely your dad wouldn't have wanted that xx

Usagi12 · 22/03/2021 18:29

@CyberdyneSystems

It was left to your daughter. It's your daughter's and nobody else's

If you want to give 5k to a child that hasn't even been born do it out of your own inheritance, don't steal her's

Gosh you're a nasty piece of work. Did you even read the thread or just bringing your own issues to the table 🙄🙄
Snowpatrolling · 22/03/2021 18:36

My grandad died and left a sum of money to my oldest, he hadn’t gotten round to changing his will to include my youngest, my step gran and solicitor found away that it could be split so they had the same amount each: it can be done, a solicitor can advise you.

HeronLanyon · 22/03/2021 18:49

Some posts which appear nasty etc are in part because they are answering op first post which was totally misleading (as op has said and has updated etc etc). Because if that first Mis-description of the situation this was never going to be a ‘calm thread’ and what a shame when op is/has gone through so much !

lottiegarbanzo · 22/03/2021 19:38

But, according to a fair amount of people on this thread, for me it includes unborn children apparently... 🙄

This is the very question you posed in your own OP; whether you should split this inheritance with an as yet unborn child.

GreyhoundG1rl · 22/03/2021 22:19

@Snowpatrolling

My grandad died and left a sum of money to my oldest, he hadn’t gotten round to changing his will to include my youngest, my step gran and solicitor found away that it could be split so they had the same amount each: it can be done, a solicitor can advise you.
Clearly your eldest wasn't mentioned by name?
me109f · 23/03/2021 01:53

Your Dad will probably stump up another £10k for the new child. Otherwise I would split it.