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Original poster

Shall I split DDs inheritance of baby 2 comes along?

427 replies

AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps · 20/03/2021 18:01

DD is about to inherit £10,000 from my Dad.

All grandchildren were left the same amount.

We are trying for a second child. It's IVF and we have only one chance. If second child does come along. Do you think I should split DDs inheritance with her?

OP posts:
HesterLee · 21/03/2021 21:45

@lottiegarbanzo

Well you were stupid and shortsighted to agree that.

Do whatever the fuck you like with YOUR £10k.

Nasty. Really, unnecessarily nasty.
lottiegarbanzo · 21/03/2021 21:46

You're snippiness is getting in the way of your comprehension, OP.

My point about your dad being intestate (and most likely knowing the consequences of this) is that, in its own way, that was a choice. That was his choice. That the three of you inherit equally.

Dryshampooandcoffee · 21/03/2021 21:53

OP I think you sound lovely, honouring your dad’s wishes, and sharing your share with your nieces and nephews. You state that your DC will benefit from and extra 18 years or so of investing the money, however the other grandchildren are benefiting quite significantly from having the money now. 10K now is probably worth a lot more than 12/13K will be worth in 18 years. In answer to your original question, given the money is technically (legally) a gift from you to you DC I would split it between any DC. I’d be a little miffed if my older sibling got 10k inheritance and I didn’t, especially as sadly neither child had a relationship with your DF. Good luck with your IVF 🤞🏻

Bard6817 · 21/03/2021 21:54

No - it’s not yours to choose what to do with.

As for those saying they disagree with GC getting inheritances, only one step down. Not sure that’s relevant and you don’t know the full circumstances.

lottiegarbanzo · 21/03/2021 21:59

I'm stupid for following my dad's wishes. Thanks for that...

No. I do think you were really quite silly to agree to a five-way split, when you knew you might not yet have completed your family.

You say your dad's wishes were that his assets be shared between his grandchildren. Yet you are determined to stand in the way of that being enacted in an equal fashion (should there be any further GCs).
So my point is that you are choosing not to follow to your dad's wishes.

The question you are asking; should you split your £10k between your dd and any future child, is entirely yours to answer and enact. It's your money. (Why would you not split it equally? So do that. Done). The only way that question would carry any weight, would be if £10k had actually been willed to your dd, so was legally hers not yours, which it has has not.

Original poster
AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps · 21/03/2021 22:04

@lottiegarbanzo

You're snippiness is getting in the way of your comprehension, OP.

My point about your dad being intestate (and most likely knowing the consequences of this) is that, in its own way, that was a choice. That was his choice. That the three of you inherit equally.

perhaps.

but you're being very rude to me imo.

i think he just thought he would "have time" to sort his will out. he never really liked talking about death and stuff, after his own mum died he shut right down about it all. so maybe he didn't like to write his will "now" because it's something that he didn't like to think about or was something "he must get round to" ... next month.. next year... when he's 70...when he's older...when he's ill... etc

who knows. too late now. we have to deal with the situation we're presented with. and learn from it.

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 21/03/2021 22:14

he never really liked talking about death and stuff, after his own mum died he shut right down about it all. so maybe he didn't like to write his will "now" because it's something that he didn't like to think about or was something "he must get round to" ... next month.. next year... when he's 70...when he's older...when he's ill... etc
And yet he took the time to impress upon all of you exactly where he wanted his money to go after his death... but didn't like writing it down.
Strange.

Original poster
AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps · 21/03/2021 22:28

@GreyhoundG1rl

he never really liked talking about death and stuff, after his own mum died he shut right down about it all. so maybe he didn't like to write his will "now" because it's something that he didn't like to think about or was something "he must get round to" ... next month.. next year... when he's 70...when he's older...when he's ill... etc And yet he took the time to impress upon all of you exactly where he wanted his money to go after his death... but didn't like writing it down. Strange.
what's your point?
OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 21/03/2021 22:32

My point was that's... strange. As I said.

lottiegarbanzo · 21/03/2021 22:35

I have expressed a certain amount of exasperation at your lack of clarity and narrow focus OP. You've been quite belligerent yourself. But, despite that, I have given an amount of time to trying to help you, by offering different, broader, perspectives on your situation.

Yes, I'm sure a lot of people put off making a will in the way your DF did. But doing so with a background sense that it will be all right in the end, because everything will be shared equally between your next of kin, is very different to doing that despite having had some very specific ideas that you wanted to express, or some concerns about how your next of kin might behave.

It seems likely that your DF trusted the three of you to do the right thing - or a right thing at least - so there was nothing really for him to worry about. The question for all three of you is, what is that right thing?

lottiegarbanzo · 21/03/2021 22:37

And yes, the boring lesson for all of us, is to make a will as soon as we have any assets worth passing on. Nothing to do with thinking we know when we might die.

Heyha · 21/03/2021 22:40

@Bard6817

No - it’s not yours to choose what to do with.

As for those saying they disagree with GC getting inheritances, only one step down. Not sure that’s relevant and you don’t know the full circumstances.

It literally is OP's to choose what to do with.

OP, I feel sympathy for you. I hope the people who've read what you've put and actually addressed the question you wanted opinions on have helped you to land on a comfort solution for you.

notdaddycool · 21/03/2021 22:51

No, but ask executors to make some provision for as yet unborn grandchildren holding back maybe £20k - depends on your siblings. If not born in 5 years do whatever with it.

Darkstarrheart · 22/03/2021 00:02

@AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps

So sorry that Dad never got to meet your child Flowers

MarieDelaere · 22/03/2021 00:05

@notdaddycool

No, but ask executors to make some provision for as yet unborn grandchildren holding back maybe £20k - depends on your siblings. If not born in 5 years do whatever with it.
There's no will.
ItsWrittenintheStars · 22/03/2021 00:12

There are some very unpleasant people on this post and it’s totally unnecessary.

OP My youngest has a significant amount more saved than his sibling due to his modelling. I remember some mothers from a model mums advice group having a discussion regarding splitting the money between siblings as they thought it was unfair for their busy child to receive lots of money. Personally I have saved very hard to ensure my other child will have the same amount.

I think it would be fine to share if you do have another child as neither knew GF and then try to save up to the 10k each if you can. It’s not as if they are going to ask how much theirs cousins got when they are older. They will probably just gratefully receive any amount.

MyOtherProfile · 22/03/2021 06:37

OP I've read all your posts and I don't know why you're getting such a hard time. It's all very clear (even though you had to clarify after your initial post).

Personally I would go for keeping the spirit of his wishes. He wanted the money to go to his grandchildren. I would split the 10k between your two, if you end up having two, as he would surely want his last grandchild also included? But since there's no will it's absolutely fine for you to keep the money in a savings account until you know for sure one way or the other if you will have a second child.

Itsnotyouitsmeiswear · 22/03/2021 07:11

Personally I would take the £10,000 and invest it/save it and continue to add to it yourself until you first child reaches 18. At this point, I would then split the amount there between any children you have at that time. What if you go on to have twins, triplets? £10,000 split between 3 or even more wouldn’t be that much. I think you are right to be thinking about splitting the money with any future kids you have, your Dad said the money should go to his grandchildren, any future children would be included in that title!
Other than that, put the £10,000 aside for your daughter, and just start another saving pot with the extra that you were going to send to charity, continue to save into it/invest until you know whether or not you will have another child. If you do, save into it for the future child/ren.

My friends son was lucky enough to get the government child investment scheme grant but it had stopped by the time her other child was born, so she chose to make savings pot to ensure the second child will have the same amount when they turn 18 themselves.

imyournextdoorneighbour · 22/03/2021 07:27

No. This will come out years down the line. Your current DD will want to know why all her cousins had 10k and your 2 had 5k. Your youngest DC will understand that they weren't born when yourDF died so couldn't inherit anything.

TeenMinusTests · 22/03/2021 08:04

@imyournextdoorneighbour

No. This will come out years down the line. Your current DD will want to know why all her cousins had 10k and your 2 had 5k. Your youngest DC will understand that they weren't born when yourDF died so couldn't inherit anything.
The current DD can happily be told that the GF had screwed up by not making a clear will so the parents had considered it fairest to share the money between their children.
sc0nes4t · 22/03/2021 08:09

OP, you and your siblings sound throughly decent and you're clearly trying to do the best for your family. Some of the replies on here are just awful.
My parents have a will and have specified that all monies should be divided between their grandkids. When they originally specified that, there were only 3 grandkids. There are now 7. None of the kids (some are now adults) care that their share has dropped. FWIW I would do what you're suggesting and split the money between both siblings. It's not a "right", you're not depriving your DD of anything.
Money seems to do strange things to people. We grew up with next to nothing, not sure if money means more to wealthier people?
I hope your IVF is successful...Good luck!

Badnessinthefolds · 22/03/2021 08:16

OP I've read all your posts and I don't know why you're getting such a hard time. It's all very clear (even though you had to clarify after your initial post).

Personally I would go for keeping the spirit of his wishes. He wanted the money to go to his grandchildren. I would split the 10k between your two, if you end up having two, as he would surely want his last grandchild also included? But since there's no will it's absolutely fine for you to keep the money in a savings account until you know for sure one way or the other if you will have a second child.

Absolutely this.

TatianaBis · 22/03/2021 08:57

She’s getting a hard time imo because some posters are identifying with the DD and thinking they’d want all of it and not share it with a sibling.

MyOtherProfile · 22/03/2021 09:32

@TatianaBis

She’s getting a hard time imo because some posters are identifying with the DD and thinking they’d want all of it and not share it with a sibling.
That's a bit rubbish though. DD only gets it cos she happened to be born a day before the grandad died. She didn't have a special relationship with him, any more than the next potential baby will. Same relationship to the man.
Original poster
AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps · 22/03/2021 10:03

@imyournextdoorneighbour

No. This will come out years down the line. Your current DD will want to know why all her cousins had 10k and your 2 had 5k. Your youngest DC will understand that they weren't born when yourDF died so couldn't inherit anything.
Just because some people are greedy and selfish when it comes to money - doesn't mean we all are.

I'd be horrified if my parenting was so poor, that in 17 years time my DD was so self-absorbed and greedy to be curious about what her dead Grandfather left her and her cousins 17 years ago and then be cross/upset/jealous about them having more than her.

I'd be appalled.

I would like to think that, she wouldn't even presume to ask if it was evenly split. It will be part of a pot of money given to her by various family members and friends. I can't even imagine going though the total at whatever age and going "Well, Granddad gave you £5000, Aunty Joan, gave you £100 when you were 1, Friend Bob gave you £5 for your birthday when you were 2..." - she will of course know the money was given to her by various people, and hopefully she will be grateful.

And lets just say she asks out of genuine curiosity about her Grandad's precise contribution amount - I would tell her that she received £5000 from him. If she then pushed and asked how much her cousins got, I would tell her, and also reiterate that she has had 17+ for it to grow. I would like to hope that I had raised her to accept that with grace and good will.

OP posts: