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Original poster

Registry office wedding - did you have one?

85 replies

MaizeBlouse · 20/03/2021 14:12

DP and I have been together for 8 years and have 2 DCs. We're not married or engaged as this has always been something neither of us have been that bothered about. We are relatively young still (early 30s). Lots of my friends are getting married (covid aside) and are all planning or have had big weddings with 100s of people, costing them thousands of pounds. That is what they wanted and I'm sure they loved every minute of it so I'm not bashing this style of 'big wedding' but this just isn't what me or DP would want at all and tbh it just sounds like such a huge amount of money for one day!

Are tiny weddings more common than I think? Never hear of anyone having a handful of people present.

We've chatted before and said that if we did get married we would just want to go to the registry office and have probably only 10 or so people there. We both have big families and lots of friends so my worry is that we would upset lots of people by not having everyone there iyswim. My DM in particular would want me to have aunty's and cousins etc who I'm not close to invited and I just would hate this so much.

Did you have a really little wedding and did you offend people by doing so?

OP posts:
Seeingadistance · 20/03/2021 14:16

I had a small wedding,, but then big reception afterwards, so not really what you’re asking about.

Friends had a tiny registration office wedding with their neighbours as witnesses. No one else knew until afterwards, but i don’t think anyone was offended. They already had children and got married after one of them had a health scare. A few months later they had a party at home for family and friends - very relaxed and informal.

Judgedbycats · 20/03/2021 14:17

We got married at the registry office and there were 19 of us altogether. We went for a meal and it was lovely. I don't know if we offended anybody as I haven't asked.

Jaffapaffa · 20/03/2021 14:19

Yes, we had a registry office wedding followed by lunch at a nice hotel. 16 guests. I loved it.
We saved even more money by booking lunch as a general celebration, rather than a wedding. It meant that guests had a choice of starter and main course, as well as being significantly cheaper.

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Weddings
imyournextdoorneighbour · 20/03/2021 14:19

Not a small wedding but we got married in a register office with about 10 people there. We then went and had a church blessing and reception. How about a very small wedding then a party at a later date (not reception) for those who you want there?

crispychicken12 · 20/03/2021 14:19

Yeah, registry office wedding and then hired a hall for a party in the evening. Suited me fine.

Boph · 20/03/2021 14:20

DH and I were together 15 years before we got married. Like you we both hated the idea of all the fuss and the cost. We could have afforded it but it just seemed such a waste of money.
We had booked a holiday with an afternoon flight and decided to get married. We told our parents and siblings so there were 8 at the wedding, no reception we just went off on holiday. Never regretted it 28 years later.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/03/2021 14:21

We did, years before covid was an excuse. Wouldn’t have done anything differently, it was perfect.

I expect once things get back to normal there’ll be a split between people embracing small hassle-free lower cost weddings as loads of people have now had them who weren’t planning to before (loads of us did them before anyway) and others who go all out with massive celebrations for an excuse to spend money and go a bit crazy. Both are fine!

It’s your wedding. Do exactly what you want. Your mum got to have the day she wanted with the guests of her choice, her preferences for yours aren’t your problem. If you’re expecting and want to avoid too much interference I would get on and do it soon so some restrictions on numbers are still in place... But you’re adults and don’t need to worry about what other people think anyway. If you’re old enough to get married you’re old enough to plan the wedding you’ll both enjoy and hang any doubters.

Watchingthetelly · 20/03/2021 14:21

We did a registry office and only had six guests. It really suited us because we didn’t want a big fuss even though I love attending other people’s weddings. It wasn’t a particularly amazing or special day but I wasn’t expecting it to be. Big plus was we hadn’t spent 50k on a party and had a much easier time buying a house than a lot of friends who spent that money on a wedding. Each to their own though!

EmmaGrundyForPM · 20/03/2021 14:24

We had a registry office wedding and I would have loved it to have been very small, but husbands parents don't speak to each other and it would have made it very difficult without others to diffuse it.

I have a couple of friends who have had a small (family only) wedding and that is fine, I haven't been offended that I wasn't invited. One of my friends had a small (2 witnesses) wedding but then a massive blessing and reception 2 days later.

Do what is right for you

firstimemamma · 20/03/2021 14:27

We will be having 15 guests in June, short ceremony, nice photos and restaurant meal. Total spend £2k.

I hate being the centre of attention and neither of us feel comfortable spending any more money on one day. Also I never wanted to get married before I met DP so it's not as if I'm sacrificing childhood dreams of a big, traditional wedding as I was never interested to begin with. DP hates dancing so a first dance with all eyes on us would be a nightmare!

Our day may not be traditional but it's everything we wanted and we can't wait.

NoSquirrels · 20/03/2021 14:28

We had a registry office wedding then went to the pub after. We hired out the room & fed the people who came to the wedding itself, then we had a open invite to friends etc to come and buy a pint in the bar in the evening. Was fun!

My parents were a bit baffled by it - my dad claimed he’d never been to anything but a church wedding and wasn’t sure what it would be like - but luckily my sister had already had the big white wedding in our ‘home’ church so I was off the hook for the full shebang. Only have a small extended family anyway though so not 100s of aunts/uncles/cousins to worry about.

I think it’s fine - you set your expectations and stick to it. But do get married. With 2xDC you really must.

ProfYaffle · 20/03/2021 14:30

We had a registry office wedding with 20 people altogether.

I'm an only child but have loads of cousins/Aunts/Uncles plus I now live hundreds of miles from them. It was difficult to see how a big wedding would work, whether to have it here or back home, friends vs distant relatives, pleasing my parents on who came etc etc Plus we just didn't want the expense, it wasn't an experience that was important to us.

We went for the small wedding, had a posh meal afterwards with those 20 guests followed by a party in a function Hotel room back home. It worked really well, we were very happy with it.

LApprentiSorcier · 20/03/2021 14:33

Yes, I did - just 20 guests. No one not invited was offended (to my knowledge). I think you're more likely to offend people if they're not invited to a larger event - if it's clearly just very close friends and family people recognise that for what it is.

sipsmith1 · 20/03/2021 14:33

We did with three witnesses, we weren’t really bothered about having a wedding with all the ‘stuff’ that comes with it as much as being married. We just got married and then had a nice lunch afterwards, perfect for us.

Timeandtune · 20/03/2021 14:33

We had a registry office wedding 30 years ago with witnesses from the office next door. Don’t think anyone was offended. We aren’t party people and don’t have wide social circle.

wishywashywoowoo70 · 20/03/2021 14:39

We had about 18 people including us and our kids. Took everyone out for late lunch after and that was it.

It suited us and a big wedding wouldn't ever be in the cards it's just not my cup of tea.

If people live you they'll be happy you did it the way you wanted

Orangesox · 20/03/2021 14:39

We had a register office wedding in the local (and very beautiful) town hall with 15 guests. Back to the house for drinks and nibbles for the guests (and to a local country house for photographs of us) and then lovely buffet and dancing in a marquee in the garden. It was perfect and exactly what we wanted - the thought of blowing a tonne of money on people I don’t like that much makes me shudder. We have massive families in both sides and we would’ve been at 150+ if we had had to invite everyone.

Skysblue · 20/03/2021 14:45

It doesn’t have to be hundreds of people and thousands of pounds, vs ten people and £200. I had 40 at mine: everyone I care about, no-one I don’t. It was a nice number and worked for the (cheap) bbq.

I think if you have a tiny wedding then some people will be upset to miss it yes. My brother originally wanted to have a ‘parents only’ registry ceremony and I had to explain that while the vows / legal bit are meaningless to him, they aren’t to me, and I would like to be there. He ended up with about 15 people at the ceremony and I would have been upset to miss it so glad he changed his mind. Some people will tell you ‘It’s your day do what you want’ but I think marriage is about two families combining and actually other people’s feelings matter too.

You could do it v v cheaply if just have church/registry office then say anyone who’d like to celebrate can meet you in the pub / hotel bar. (Some bars / hotels will let you have free private event space if bringing a guaranteed number of people to the bar.) Or if doing this in distant future you could suggest a family holiday (incl parents siblings but not aunts etc) at a registered venue and get married during the holiday.

Of course if you dislike your family that’s different.

But hang on - with the covid restrictions you do realise that if you get married this year you have a perfect excuse for inviting a tiny number of people?

Twizbe · 20/03/2021 15:05

If you want a small wedding now is the time to do it. No one can argue with covid restrictions.

VienneseWhirligig · 20/03/2021 15:06

We had a small wedding, it was all we could afford. It was really lovely, but the register office in our city is very pretty so the photos look like they are outside a nice location. Our reception had about 60 people at it but only 25 in the ceremony itself.

AuntieMarys · 20/03/2021 15:08

Just the 2 of us at our wedding.
11 people at my 1st wedding.
I hate fuss, being centre of attention and wasting money.

OrangeBananaFish · 20/03/2021 15:17

30 people came to our registry office wedding then we went to the pub after. That was it. I'm another who hates fuss and really don't like being the centre of attention, but we still wanted to get married. We'd have been happy eloping, but decided to do it 'properly' but to our taste.

Amdone123 · 20/03/2021 15:24

We went to a registry office. It was lovely (28 years ago, now). We then went back to our house for food and drinks. In the evening, we hired the church hall for a reception. That was nice enough, but I couldn't relax. I didn't even have a drink as I was too busy entertaining.
If I were to do it again, I would have the registry office, then go for a pub lunch !

YouBeYou · 20/03/2021 15:27

Yes we did, two witnesses and we just booked the next available Friday they had. Went for a Chinese for lunch and a hotel for one night. I wouldn't change a thing.

ghislaine · 20/03/2021 15:33

We had a church wedding (at the national cathedral, no less) with 34 guests. Close family and friends only. No cousins, parents’ friends, etc. Reception at a small local restaurant that we booked out. Total cost, including flights for best man and matron of honour was £7k. It was perfect. Go for it.

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