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Original poster

Registry office wedding - did you have one?

85 replies

MaizeBlouse · 20/03/2021 14:12

DP and I have been together for 8 years and have 2 DCs. We're not married or engaged as this has always been something neither of us have been that bothered about. We are relatively young still (early 30s). Lots of my friends are getting married (covid aside) and are all planning or have had big weddings with 100s of people, costing them thousands of pounds. That is what they wanted and I'm sure they loved every minute of it so I'm not bashing this style of 'big wedding' but this just isn't what me or DP would want at all and tbh it just sounds like such a huge amount of money for one day!

Are tiny weddings more common than I think? Never hear of anyone having a handful of people present.

We've chatted before and said that if we did get married we would just want to go to the registry office and have probably only 10 or so people there. We both have big families and lots of friends so my worry is that we would upset lots of people by not having everyone there iyswim. My DM in particular would want me to have aunty's and cousins etc who I'm not close to invited and I just would hate this so much.

Did you have a really little wedding and did you offend people by doing so?

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 20/03/2021 15:34

We had a registry office wedding. We’re not religious and it was before other places could be licensed for weddings. We still had about 50 in the registry office! Then reception in a local restaurant with a few more (who’d bern outside the RO). Very much not a small and intimate affair.

Kote · 20/03/2021 15:44

Yes we just had our parents and no other guests. It was more of a necessity due to time constraints with moving abroad than what we would have planned. I'm actually really happy with how it turned out though. I think I would have been so stressed and anxious with a bigger wedding. No one was offended by not being invited (that I know of at least).

Eminybob · 20/03/2021 15:48

We did. Just us, dc1 and 2 friends as witnesses, followed by a pub lunch.
We didn’t tell anyone until afterwards. For us it was about money, and certain family politics.
No regrets.

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Weddings
ChristinaYang10 · 20/03/2021 15:49

We got married in a registry office with about 12 people. Yes, it offended people. We had our parents, plus about 8 friends. My mother was very bothered by the fact that my sister, who I never speak to, wasn’t invited.

Shmithecat2 · 20/03/2021 15:55

Yep. 27, including us and 4 small children (not ours - nieces and nephews). Was lovely. Wedding at midday, then onto an eatery where we booked one section, had a three course meal and then drinks until 7. Then everyone went on their way, or out into the town with us for more drinks. Wouldn't change a thing.

MimiSunshine · 20/03/2021 15:55

Obviously people do have small weddings with just a few people but if you were planning one you wouldn’t really talk about it with someone who wasn’t going to be part of it would you?

No one is really truly interested in a wedding they aren’t part of.

And the reason so many weddings end up bigger than couples originally planned is because they allow the pressure from others or their own guilt to increase the guest numbers.

I’m keeping numbers low at my wedding but bigger than what you describe and we’ve simply said no when asked if we’re inviting aunty x who has never met one of us or a plus 1 for a cousin so they’re kept company.

If we invited everyone it’s been suggested we did then the guest list would be twice as big

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 20/03/2021 15:55

DS and DDiL had 3 guests - her mum, DH and me. The ceremony was in a small office with the Registrar and was as solemn and moving as it would have been if it had been witnessed by 100's of people. Afterwards the 5 of us when to a local restaurant for dinner.

It was personal exactly what they wanted.

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 20/03/2021 16:36

We're having a tiny secret wedding in a couple of weeks, only our parents know. We'll tell siblings/the wider family afterwards. Much as we love attending weddings it's not something we want for ourselves, and this year really provides the perfect excuse. We've seen too many friends horribly stressed out by enormous weddings/family politics and it doesn't appeal.

Friends of ours are marrying abroad as soon as they can. Instead of paying out for a big wedding they're randomly picking a couple of friends and paying for their trip! Fingers crossed it's us Grin

Magic0Magic · 20/03/2021 16:46

Yep, we did and it was perfect for us. We're very much not religious & quite anti social! 9 guests (parents, siblings only)
Breakfast for everyone afterwards, I think the whole thing was about £250

Ilovemaisie · 20/03/2021 16:50

We did. There were 16 guests. That's 13 more than I wanted really (I wanted the 2 witnesses and our then 3 year old) but I compromised. Had a buffet afterwards at my sister in law's house which was ok but I would have perfectly happy to have not bothered with that.
Never wanted a wedding. Ever. I wanted to be married. That's all.

HelloDoris · 20/03/2021 16:50

Yes just us and 2 friends,then had a huge party the next day. Was brillaint!

StopGo · 20/03/2021 16:59

Registry office, five guests on my side, eight adults, two primary age and one brand new baby on husbands side. Buffet at home afterwards. Suited us perfectly.

StellaOlivetti · 20/03/2021 17:01

Tiny register office wedding, abroad, just us and two witnesses. We had a picnic on the beach afterwards. I couldn’t have contemplated spending the kinds of sums people spend for a big wedding/reception, I can think of much better ways to spend thousands of pounds! And it was a lovely day.

MintLampShade · 20/03/2021 17:26

Just go with what you want and don't worry about what people think. It's YOUR day!

I had a small wedding through choice. I never wanted many people there, only close friends and immediate family who we share our day to day lives with anyway. 20 or so people. We went to a registry office, then all stayed in a hotel and made a weekend of it. It was small, intimate and so much fun!! I refused to take a massive loan out, I wanted to be able to afford it and all the "show" just wasn't the point. We are quite private people anyway. My grandma raised concerns about second cousins and distant relatives etc but I just politely pointed out that she has already had a wedding she wanted, so it's my turn to have the one I want. Actually, on the back of that, my brother and her fiancée decided to have a small wedding too. I think it's more and more common since a cost of just about 70-80 people go well into the tens of thousands!!! It's bonkers!! I hired my dress, was lucky to have a photographer for free (old school friend) and our wedding cake was one of our presents. We managed to pay for everyone's dinner and drinks all night and had a blast! I would do it all over again. In fact, we said we'd repeat for our 10th anniversary! ♥️

mowbraygirl · 20/03/2021 17:31

DH and I got married in 1969 in our local lovely registry office think we had about 25 guests. My parents lived on the other side of the world although my brother who was living and working in the UK came. DH sorted out the date for when his brother who at the time was working in Jordan at the time would be back in the UK for the holidays. We had the reception at their house they had in the area where we still live sister in law insisted on doing the catering she was used to it with BIL's job and was a great cook with the help of DH's sister and they paid for it as our wedding present. DH paid for the drinks still have the bill it was £14. 7. 6 we look at it in in amazement at how little everything cost then. We have a lovely video taken by DH's brother which we sometimes look at unfortunately BIL and SIL have passed away now BIL was 14 years older than DH. Their eldest daughter who will be 65 next month and now lives in the USA still talks about our wedding and how great it was. When she got married in the USA 40 years ago they just had 4 friends as that is what they wanted.

HotPenguin · 20/03/2021 17:33

I did, and had no guests, just witnesses. I think once you have kids it's hard to justify blowing thousands on a big wedding.

blowinahoolie · 20/03/2021 17:34

Yes, registry office wedding here. Would do it all again. Quick, no fuss. Perfect.

blowinahoolie · 20/03/2021 17:35

There were under 20 guests IIRC.

WingBingo · 20/03/2021 17:38

Two DCs, my mum and MIL.

We then had a sumptuous platter of seafood delivered once home, then a night at a lovely hotel.

It was lovely. Saved the money we would have spent on a honeymoon a couple of years later once the DC were a bit older.

Rowgtfc72 · 20/03/2021 17:40

Timed it so we could get married while we were on holiday in cornwall. 9 close family. Local pub were excited and decorated early for the Olympics and put on the evening menu for us.
Beautiful picture on the beach. Dd stayed in the fil caravan on the wedding night!

edgeware · 20/03/2021 17:43

Registry office wedding here. We each had a witness, no parents no family. No regrets.

Larryslockdownlunch · 20/03/2021 17:58

My late DH and I had a registry office wedding and then back to our house for drinks and a buffet. Cost about £700 including my dress. We were students and had 2 young children and being married was more important than getting married. We still had friends and family there and we never regretted it.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 20/03/2021 18:02

My closest friend and her partner had a tiny wedding just them, me and my partner. We went to the pub next door afterwards for a meal. We all wore casual clothes and there are no photos. It was just how they wanted it.

PanamaPattie · 20/03/2021 18:04

We had a registry office wedding. Just the two of us and two witnesses. Perfect.

fussychica · 20/03/2021 18:04

Yep. 8 of us in total, registry office. Threw it down with rain all day, well it was late Spring Bank Holiday weekend, so all the photos were inside. Lunch at my parent's home after and a party with buffet and free bar at a church hall in the evening. I'd have been happy without the party but it was the done thing then. I hate fuss and have never understood people spending vast amounts of money they often struggle to afford on a wedding, but each to their own.
Still happily together nearly 42 years later.