My maiden name

[DinosaurDiana]

The older I get, the more I miss my maiden name.
Would it be strange to change my name to add it as a middle name ?

Reclaim it any way you want to. It’s yours.

Why middle name though?

Not strange at all. It’s your name, you can do what you want!

I’d change to a double barrelled surname personally rather than a middle name

@Oodilallygolly

I’d change to a double barrelled surname personally rather than a middle name

Yes, I think that’s becoming quite common (when reclaiming, I mean) and it’s a good way to merge two identities.

OP’s choice of course.

Oh, I like the phrase ‘reclaiming’.
I feel the need to reclaim more of my pre-married self !

A few years ago I started writing my name on Facebook as Annie Maiden Married, for the usual reasons of it being easier for people who know me as either to find me. But I got used to seeing it and found, like you, that I missed my maiden name.

So I did the deed poll thing (really easy, just write it up, sign it and get a witness), and now I'm double-barrelled. I love having my name back.

Word of advice, I made my surname both names without a hyphen, thinking it would be nicer. It's a logistical nightmare. Loads of websites won't accept a space in surnames, and it just gets registered everywhere as your middle name. I use a hyphen now just for practicalities.

Not strange at all. In the U.S. southern states it is traditional. When a girl marries, her maiden name becomes her middle name.
Ex. Betty Sue Smith marries and becomes Betty Smith Jones.

I refer you to Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy as an international example.
Remarried and became Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.

I’ve been thinking of doing this too. Took DH’s name nearly 20 years ago and I’ve hated it ever since. Married name is bloody awful (think Cox or Dick, for example), but I don’t like the idea of having a totally different name to DC. So I’m considering adding it as a middle name, and going back to my maiden name, eg Ialtag Cox Smith. I mentioned it to DD2 and she said wanted to do the same as she’s been teased about our name, but I’m not sure how DH and ILs would feel about it!

Take back your name, OP, but I do wish in the 21st century we could lose the whole archaism of ‘maiden name’.

If I double barrelled my surname would have five syllables. That’s a bit of a mouthful.

DH and I have been talking about this recently. We have been married 16 years and I really wish I'd kept my own name. But I don't want a different name to the kids. I think we will end up adding my maiden name as a middle name for each of the kids (they are keen) and then I haven't decided whether to double barrel or have two separate surnames... Glad to know I'm not the only one!

I'm exactly the same, married 20 years and really miss MY name. Married name is awful, double barrelled would be worse.

@Craftycorvid

Take back your name, OP, but I do wish in the 21st century we could lose the whole archaism of ‘maiden name’.

Me too. I’ve only ever had one surname (married nearly 20 years). Women’s lives are complicated enough. Why make it even more difficult for yourself in the first place? It’s a hideous tradition steeped in sexism. Time it ended IMO.

My unmarried name is long and a mouthful. My married name is short. I often want to change it to my nan's unmarried name, which sounds vaguely French.

@Bicnod

DH and I have been talking about this recently. We have been married 16 years and I really wish I'd kept my own name. But I don't want a different name to the kids. I think we will end up adding my maiden name as a middle name for each of the kids (they are keen) and then I haven't decided whether to double barrel or have two separate surnames... Glad to know I'm not the only one!

My daughter has my surname as a middle name.

If you do the same you can just use your name and they would still “share a name” with you.

@ArtemisiaGentle

My unmarried name is long and a mouthful. My married name is short. I often want to change it to my nan's unmarried name, which sounds vaguely French.

Do any male relatives struggle with the long surname? No?

It's not your maiden name, it's just your surname. Men don't have maiden names, they own their surname from birth. For women, even the way we talk about our surnames implies the temporary nature of them. My name is my own, and I own it just as much as a man owns his name.

@tofuschnitzel

It's not your maiden name, it's just your surname. Men don't have maiden names, they own their surname from birth. For women, even the way we talk about our surnames implies the temporary nature of them. My name is my own, and I own it just as much as a man owns his name.

Hear hear. 👏🏽

Exactly, @TomHardyAndMe

Why does a woman's name have to be easy to spell in order for them to use/keep it? Men don't have the same concerns. And I say this as the proud owner of an eastern european name with ten consonants and one vowel. No one says it correctly, but that's still not a good enough reason to stop using it.

@IaltagDhubh

I’ve been thinking of doing this too. Took DH’s name nearly 20 years ago and I’ve hated it ever since. Married name is bloody awful (think Cox or Dick, for example), but I don’t like the idea of having a totally different name to DC. So I’m considering adding it as a middle name, and going back to my maiden name, eg Ialtag Cox Smith. I mentioned it to DD2 and she said wanted to do the same as she’s been teased about our name, but I’m not sure how DH and ILs would feel about it!

A woman i worked with in the 90’s told me a similar story. Their family (dad’s name) was crapper. The whole family changed it to the mother’s maiden name, including the father. No double-barrelling either.

My maiden name is difficult to pronounce and spell as it’s not English. I was glad to can that one for my dhs surname, which is easy to spell. If I had an easy name I’d have kept it.

Go for it! I kept my surname, and my children have it as a second middle name. After we'd been married for about 10 years we talked about it all again and decided to change our names by deed poll - my husband and I have each others'
surnames as extra middle names, so we all have both names.

@Killergigglebunnies

My maiden name is difficult to pronounce and spell as it’s not English. I was glad to can that one for my dhs surname, which is easy to spell. If I had an easy name I’d have kept it.

Did you marry on your 18th birthday?

If not why did you wait for a man to rescue you from the abject hideousness of your given name rather than choosing something else via deed poll as soon as you could? 🤔

I would’ve changed it by deedpol given half the chance. But thanks for your assumption. My dad’s dead so I’m sure he couldn’t give a shit!

I really wanted my maiden name back too but my exH was so against it. Felt it would be a slur on his good name or something bollocks. I wish I’d done it anyway.

He’s since left me for another woman and I changed my name back in hours