My maiden name

[DinosaurDiana]

The older I get, the more I miss my maiden name.
Would it be strange to change my name to add it as a middle name ?

Looking back I should have given my DS my unmarried name as a middle name. He’s too old to care now !
My DD has my mum’s name as a middle name so I’m happy with that.

I did change my name when I got married, but made my old surname into a middle name at the same time. Double barrelled would have been awful with our two names, so I like this as a solution. It thoroughly confused the passport office though, although once I sent them a deed poll they managed to sort it! My son has the same middle name as my Dad, and I'll definitely honour my side of the family in any future kids' names

I did change my name when I got married, but made my old surname into a middle name at the same time. Double barrelled would have been awful with our two names, so I like this as a solution

Solution to what? Was changing both of your names to a new one discussed? Or only you changing yours?

I changed my name back to my birth name last year. Felt great to have it back. Never changing it again.

Its your real name. Not your former name. You are who you were before you married. As your husband is. Definitely reclaim it.

I've got my original surname back and it feels great. It's who I am. It's my dad's name obviously, I sometimes wish I had my mum's maiden name as my surname as it goes better with my first name. But changing it now would be too much of a bother and would most likely lead to 'have you got married' questions. To which I could say no, I've reclaimed my matriarchal heritage. But then that was my mum's dad's name.....

I miss mine and found myself slipping up and using a few times recently. I wouldn’t change it though. My maiden name is very very popular, especially in its country of origin. I’m also from a huge family and it’s certainly not going to die out soon. My husbands name though is not very common and he’s from a small family, he’s literally the only one in his family left to pass his family name down which is why I gave our DCs his name and I want the same name as my DCs. My DH is a great guy, very easygoing, he will go along with practically everything I want and very rarely asks for anything, this was one of the things he asked for, so I did it out of respect for him too.

This is exactly what I mean. Why can’t it just be your mum’s name?! Why does it have to be devalued and implied to be temporary EVERY FUCKING TIME?! But never the men. No, they’re allowed to own their names. Not women. Something about having a vagina apparently means you don’t own YOUR OWN NAME.

@AliceMcK

I miss mine and found myself slipping up and using a few times recently. I wouldn’t change it though. My maiden name is very very popular, especially in its country of origin. I’m also from a huge family and it’s certainly not going to die out soon. My husbands name though is not very common and he’s from a small family, he’s literally the only one in his family left to pass his family name down which is why I gave our DCs his name and I want the same name as my DCs. My DH is a great guy, very easygoing, he will go along with practically everything I want and very rarely asks for anything, this was one of the things he asked for, so I did it out of respect for him too.

🤮 all the cliches.

Does your husband have a sister, perchance?

You’re talking a lot of sense @TomHardyAndMe but vomit emojis and shouting probably aren’t going to win people over to consider your excellent points properly.

Sorry. I’m having a drink for every point Wales scores.

I was given the surname that my mum and dad had when I was born, therefore it feels like mine.
I’ve had my married surname longer than my unmarried surname, but I still feel like my unmarried surname is me.

I kept my surname and added my husbands. It’s a slightly long winded way of doing it. Also no hyphen which as another poster said can cause issue with banks etc. Actually wish I stayed with maiden name sometimes but is helpful to have same name as children. I got fairly dogmatic about it when DH was completely against the idea of changing his name....

To which I could say no, I've reclaimed my matriarchal heritage. But then that was my mum's dad's name.....

It’s still your matriarchal heritage even if it was your mum’s name via her patrilineal heritage.

We have to start somewhere.

In my case, my “mother” is awful and abusive so I’ve reclaimed my own (birthright) name after a bit of a blip, and my children always had it too.

@TomHardyAndMe

Sorry. I’m having a drink for every point Wales scores.

Are they doing quite well then?

@DinosaurDiana

I was given the surname that my mum and dad had when I was born, therefore it feels like mine. I’ve had my married surname longer than my unmarried surname, but I still feel like my unmarried surname is me.

Then definitely reclaim it.

@RickiTarr 30 points and 10 mins to go against 14 french men. 😄

@DinosaurDiana

I was given the surname that my mum and dad had when I was born, therefore it feels like mine. I’ve had my married surname longer than my unmarried surname, but I still feel like my unmarried surname is me.

I think most women who take their husband’s name must feel like that. Some will admit it, some won’t but I’ve heard an awful lot of women say it. Using my husband’s name always felt a bit like playing a role. When I hear my own name, that feels authentically “me”. Of course it does, it’s the name I had through nursery, school, university, early career. I grew in to myself under my real name. I learnt to write that name in wobbly letters when I first was understanding the world and forming my identity. I have a folder through of qualification certificates in that name.

I understand that sometimes people change name to distance themselves from toxic families, to hide from abusers, to heal from trauma, but just taking a name because you marry a man seems madder to me every year. I think it will die out as a practice in another generation or two.

[quote TomHardyAndMe]@RickiTarr 30 points and 10 mins to go against 14 french men. 😄[/quote]
Your moral support is obviously helping.

My mum kept my father’s surname after they divorced, I assume to have the same name as me.
So I think of my mum as having that name too. I don’t think of her as her maiden name as I never heard her called it.

I understand that sometimes people change name to distance themselves from toxic families, to hide from abusers, to heal from trauma, but just taking a name because you marry a man seems madder to me every year. I think it will die out as a practice in another generation or two.

I’m amazed how many women are still doing it in their 20s. The sugar-loaded Disney expectation of a whirlwind proposal and romance of a “family name” which is actually only perpetuating the hideous tradition of a woman not being a person in their own right, a possession passed from father to husband makes me shudder.

@TomHardyAndMe 😢. Consolation drink now I feel. Nightmare.

I could cry. 😭

Oh ffs. So much frothing at the mouth and all so unnecessary.

Some women decide to change their surname on marriage. That's entirely their prerogative. They haven't been forced into it at gunpoint, they choose to do it.

They aren't letting the side down by doing so. They are doing exactly what women have been fighting for over the last 100 years, and that is exercising their freedom to choose, rather than having something imposed on them.

I feel like this sometimes and have occasionally considered changing my name back. Could you go double barrelled? I can't because my maiden name was already hyphenated