My maiden name

[DinosaurDiana]

The older I get, the more I miss my maiden name.
Would it be strange to change my name to add it as a middle name ?

@Tablegs

Oh ffs. So much frothing at the mouth and all so unnecessary.

Some women decide to change their surname on marriage. That's entirely their prerogative. They haven't been forced into it at gunpoint, they choose to do it.

They aren't letting the side down by doing so. They are doing exactly what women have been fighting for over the last 100 years, and that is exercising their freedom to choose, rather than having something imposed on them.

The issue is that men don’t usually even consider doing the same. There’s no expectation of them doing so. Many couples have a wife who double barrels but the husband doesn’t. There’s no equality there. Still. In 2021. It’s bullshit.

@Tablegs

Oh ffs. So much frothing at the mouth and all so unnecessary.

Some women decide to change their surname on marriage. That's entirely their prerogative. They haven't been forced into it at gunpoint, they choose to do it.

They aren't letting the side down by doing so. They are doing exactly what women have been fighting for over the last 100 years, and that is exercising their freedom to choose, rather than having something imposed on them.

No frothing. Just opinions (and some rugby).

Everyone is free to do as they like but there does seem to be something brewing in the zeitgeist.

I never changed my name with marriage and am now divorced. Neither I or my ex ever considered me changing it. I had a progressing career which it would have disrupted by reintroducing me, and my name and I have just always loved my family name. Its my identity and who I am (and there are no men to carry it on). I wish I had given my children my surname in their names - my DD20 would now like it added. She identifies closely with my clan, both my DC do - we are a big and warm family (16 for Christmas) and my DC are much more closely connected with my extended family than my exes. It is who they are as well.

My sister changed her name and after 30 years of marriage is now divorced. She regrets deeply the loss of her name. Of course her ex is not affected. She won't change it now - no one would recognise her by her maiden name.

But you know, we both think our family name is our 'real' name. We love our family and its more important to us than the families we married into. It's in our bones.

If you go down the deed poll route , make sure you keep all paperwork and old pass port or driving licence . After changing my name after divorce, the solicited when I sold my house was very sniffy and wanted me to re do it as said it was too old ? Arse !! It was fine ... but did make for extra stress . Plus my son , who took his wife’s name had the police turn up as credit card company said he was fraudulently using his own card !! But happy name change 🎉🥂🍾

@TomHardyAndMe what’s with the cliches and vomit comments??? You seem a very angry person.

So I choose to respect my husbands one ask, I got to choose all my DCs names, their religion, schools, what activities they do (obviously what they want to do). I have a very common maiden name that will be around for a very long time he dosnt have a common name, he wants to carry his name on. It would be no different if the roles were reversed. Maybe your not use to being in a respectful relationship or just someone who likes to abuse people for their choices.

Why you asking if he has a sister? What has that got to do with anything.

I didn't think that married women had to change their name back by deed poll. As I understood it, your original name is always your name legally and it's just a social nicety that allows you to use a married name for bank accounts and passports etc (presumably that's why passport applications ask for any other names you were know by). So you could just start reusing your original name without doing anything legally. The only caveat is that people can't use another name for fraud purposes.

[quote AliceMcK]@TomHardyAndMe what’s with the cliches and vomit comments??? You seem a very angry person.

So I choose to respect my husbands one ask, I got to choose all my DCs names, their religion, schools, what activities they do (obviously what they want to do). I have a very common maiden name that will be around for a very long time he dosnt have a common name, he wants to carry his name on. It would be no different if the roles were reversed. Maybe your not use to being in a respectful relationship or just someone who likes to abuse people for their choices.

Why you asking if he has a sister? What has that got to do with anything.[/quote]
I’m drunk, not angry.

Did the babies come before the marriage or after?

I was wondering about a sister and whether she changed her name, given it’s so rare and special and she represented an opportunity to pass it on to another generation.

I’m in a very respectful relationship where neither of us makes demands or expects the other to change anything because we want them to. I asked DH (before marriage) if he wanted to choose a new name with me. He asked why he would do that, then why I would do that and we decided changing names was bonkers, and so neither did. Simple.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

I didn't think that married women had to change their name back by deed poll. As I understood it, your original name is always your name legally and it's just a social nicety that allows you to use a married name for bank accounts and passports etc (presumably that's why passport applications ask for any other names you were know by). So you could just start reusing your original name without doing anything legally. The only caveat is that people can't use another name for fraud purposes.

Yes, absolutely right. You can use your marriage certificate as proof of a name change either to your spouse’s name or back to your own name, or to double barrel. Men too. Same sex couples too.

I looked it up after a previous bust up about it on here!

No one should be expected to change their name and I feel strongly that the father's name shouldn't be the default - couples should pick the nicest name imo.
But as a woman, it's quite nice to get the option of ditching a horrible last name in a way that, because it's socially the 'norm' doesn't upset one's own parents. Men don't get that option really - a man changing his name is still seen as an outlier.

I couldn't wait to get rid of my unmarried name, and even though I'm separated (for life) there is no way I wish to re-claim it. OP, you can do whatever you want regarding surnames - as can the rest of us.

Yes MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously - that's it exactly.

TomHardyAndMe It really isn't worth getting so wound up about!!! You can do whatever you want, and so can anyone else - just because you feel so strongly about it doesn't mean that anyone with a different view is wrong. Have you really nothing more important to froth over?

Oh, loads. I’m just warming up.

I changed my name when I got married but will probably change it back soon.
My kids have the "family" name now, I.e. my husband's name and I won't bother changing them. They have that name since birth and can change it as adults if they like.

But as an aside, if women stop changing their names and families start going double barrelled for kids, what do those kids call their kids when they grow up, the "Jones-Smith-Peters-Greens" or something?

But as an aside, if women stop changing their names and families start going double barrelled for kids, what do those kids call their kids when they grow up, the "Jones-Smith-Peters-Greens" or something?

Just pick one from each partner that go together and carry on. Like the Spanish but without the patrilineal override that always kicks in in the second generation.

If Smith-Spencer marries Jones-Brewster you have multiple options to choose from.

I would gladly have taken my husband's surname as I've always detested mine. However, his is worse so I stuck with mine which I'm glad I did. Kids have his name and it's never been a problem having different names. If I got married again to someone with a sensible name I'm not sure what I'd do. Just to be able to say 'Smith' and have someone write that down without having to spell it would be an absolute joy.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

I didn't think that married women had to change their name back by deed poll. As I understood it, your original name is always your name legally and it's just a social nicety that allows you to use a married name for bank accounts and passports etc (presumably that's why passport applications ask for any other names you were know by). So you could just start reusing your original name without doing anything legally. The only caveat is that people can't use another name for fraud purposes.

That’s my understanding too. When I got divorce about 25 years ago I reverted to my own surname, didn’t have any issues at all. I can’t even remember how I did it, I think I went to the bank etc with my birth certificate and asked to change the name on my account

I regretted giving up my maiden name almost instantly, I miss it. I often add it to my name when I'm doing stuff online, like fb or having packages delivered etc. I deed polled it to be a second middle. I really really regret not adding it as a second middle for my dc. I feel like an imposter when using my married name, it's been 16 years fgs.

@ILoveAnOwl

I would gladly have taken my husband's surname as I've always detested mine. However, his is worse so I stuck with mine which I'm glad I did. Kids have his name and it's never been a problem having different names. If I got married again to someone with a sensible name I'm not sure what I'd do. Just to be able to say 'Smith' and have someone write that down without having to spell it would be an absolute joy.

That was literally the only benefit of my brief experiment in using ExH’s name sometimes. It soon palled. My name is better, rarer, more interesting, which is exactly why nobody can bloody well spell it. Also, it’s mine.

@MajorNeville

I regretted giving up my maiden name almost instantly, I miss it. I often add it to my name when I'm doing stuff online, like fb or having packages delivered etc. I deed polled it to be a second middle. I really really regret not adding it as a second middle for my dc. I feel like an imposter when using my married name, it's been 16 years fgs.

Change it! Reclaim it! We’re behind you!

OP you’ve accidentally started a group support thread.

I’ve changed my name on unofficial things so far, to see how it goes. I’ve changed it on my Tesco account etc.