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Original poster

How much ‘me time’ do you get?

87 replies

Annoy · 17/03/2021 22:08

I’m mainly thinking of organised me time, such as for hobbies/sports/interests etc. Rather than an evening watching Netflix when the kids have gone to bed.

How much time in the week do have to do your thing?

I like a variety of outdoor sports, they’re my interests, but I’m trying to gauge whether the set up DH and I have is fair but want yours 1st so there’s no bias if that’s okay?! 😀

OP posts:
Kimye4eva · 18/03/2021 07:28

@WaterBottle123

Kids need to see parents ESPECIALLY mothers meeting their own needs or society will never progress
Kids also need to see their parents not being rude and judgemental about others.
ChameleonClara · 18/03/2021 07:28

'Yes S me' should be 'yes some'

funnyoldonion · 18/03/2021 07:34

Mine are 7 and 11. I work three days a week from home and used to at least bump that upto 4 or 5 days pre pandemic when overtime was a thing. The last few months I've had no me time due to home schooling and wfh but if I do get any I make and sell a lot of Etsy as a side hassle, it is work but it's also a hobby so I'm not sure if it counts! Me time can be playing Animal Crossings on Nintendo or watching Netflix which I do either most nights. I try to walk with a friend once a week but generally I just do chores and washing, so much washing

Rememberallball · 18/03/2021 07:40

Me - none; I’m literally with my DTs 24/7 (they’re 18 months old) and, as I’m shielding, I don’t even get to go out for a break from them. Even going to the toilet only happens while DH is able to watch them.
DH - every evening once they’re in bed asleep and whenever he’s at work (he works from home) he’s up in the attic/office/man cave. He can also go to the loo in peace and have regular baths/showers.

Oh for those carefree pre-children days when I could have a soak in the bath a couple of times a week and a shower on other days if I wanted!!

BendingSpoons · 18/03/2021 07:41

It depends a bit on your interests too. I have one evening a week where I go to Pilates, although currently it is on Zoom, so feels less of a break as I can still hear if DS won't sleep! DH has two evenings gaming. In normal times I would go for after work drinks once a month and might meet a friend on a Saturday once a month. DH will go out with friends every couple of months. At the weekend we take time off, but it tends to be for a walk, bath etc.

I don't think I have had a full day of me time since our kids were born (2 and 5) but to me the issue is equity. DH hasn't really either, apart from the odd overnight alone e.g. for a friend's wedding. In your case, your DH gets a day each week and you don't, so I can understand how you feel.

Ozgirl75 · 18/03/2021 07:42

My two are 8 and 10 and I get plenty. I run my own business so around that I go to the gym 5x a week in the morning, and I do a Pilates class about 3x a week. Plus meet friends for coffees, basically do what I like (around work) between 8.30-3.30. Then from 3.30 it’s doing family stuff and in the evening I tend to do some more work.

Husband plays golf 1-2 times a week before work in the morning and also runs a few times a week.

Weekends are sport for the kids on Saturday and then often tennis on Sunday or a family day out.

We’re both senior in work (or own the company!) which helps with carving out a good routine.

Pleaseaddcaffine · 18/03/2021 07:43

Forgot to add I had two days study leave for a professional exam while ds was in nursery... Omg was amazing.
Bath, went for walk. Studied obviously but it was peaceful.
I need me time I was 35 when I had my son and its terrible for my mental health if I do. Doing exercise and spending a few hours away really helped my pnd.

whatswithtodaytoday · 18/03/2021 07:44

None really, only by pre-arrangement. We both take time on our own if we need it at the weekend, but not very often. Child is 2.

It's honestly one of the hardest things I've found about parenting.

Kottbullar · 18/03/2021 07:45

When the children are in school I get between 9:30 and 2-30. DH works away but older DC look after the younger ones in the evenings if I need them to.
I can take time at the weekends too if I want to although it wouldn't feel fair if I took up something that meant I was on my own for hours every weekend.

Tobebythesea · 18/03/2021 07:52

Mine are 1 and 5. Pre-Covid my DH and I got 1 Saturday off a month. None at the moment as there is nothing to do and no one to meet.

I would also go on a long weekend away maybe once every 1-2 years.

Every evening too at the moment (does that count?) but usual times it will be me stuck at home every evening.

Smarshian · 18/03/2021 08:00

I work 4 days a week. I usually run for around 2.5 hours across the week over 3/4 runs. In normal times I play netball once a week too for an hour. The children are also in childcare on a Friday morning, which I use as ‘me time’ every other week. On the alternate weeks there are usually house jobs to do etc, although I do try where possible to get these done in the evening the day before.
Kids are 2 and 4.
DH cycles or runs for around 1.5 hours a week. In normal times he also plays golf once or twice a week (so 4.5/5 hours at a time).

Frazzledd · 18/03/2021 08:12

@WaterBottle123

Kids need to see parents ESPECIALLY mothers meeting their own needs or society will never progress
Does that mean I can go back to bed, I'm knackered....?!
Hfjshdhs · 18/03/2021 08:16

What has worked well for us is splitting the weekend into 4 quarters. Each of us gets one quarter to do our own activities, then that leaves 2 quarters for family time. We then split out the evenings and alternate.

museumum · 18/03/2021 08:18

I tend to get Saturday mornings and dh Sunday mornings and we do family things in the afternoons (most weekends- obviously sometimes we do whole day or whole weekend family trips).
In the week we alternate bedtime duty and do exercise or go out to see friends around that.

troppibambini6 · 18/03/2021 08:22

A lot. My kids are 15,10,7 and 6. I'm a sahm so have the days to myself. I'm usually doing house stuff, ironing etc in the day I also like diy so I've usually got some kind of project on the go. Evenings I can do what I want really.

MaidofKent78 · 18/03/2021 08:22

@Hfjshdhs

What has worked well for us is splitting the weekend into 4 quarters. Each of us gets one quarter to do our own activities, then that leaves 2 quarters for family time. We then split out the evenings and alternate.
We do something very similar. One weekend day we tag team: he cycles in the morning, I ride in the afternoon (or vice versa) then the other weekend day is spent together as a family.
GoWalkabout · 18/03/2021 08:31

To give you hope for the future, kids 15 and 17 and I have heaps of me time as well as working full time. Very few lifts currently and they only occasionally need me. Usually to make hot chocolate or a hot water bottle or pay for something. The house chores don't even take very long now. When they were little I took up running as an excuse to escape every couple of days.

Pinkywoo · 18/03/2021 08:38

None, DS is 1 and DH is currently working 6-7 day weeks in a very physical job so when he is home he's completely knackered. Also DS still has me up several times a night so I tend to go to bed not long after him, hopefully as he gets older I'll get more time but we're ttc number 2 so I'm not holding my breath!

LST · 18/03/2021 08:41

I finish work at 4. Do a few chores. Cook tea and my dc entertain themselves from then on. They even shower and put dirty clothes in the washing machine. I get most evenings to myself to read or watch some telly. They are 7 &9

Waxonwaxoff0 · 18/03/2021 08:44

3/4 days and nights a month when DS is at his dad's, we are divorced.

HazelWong · 18/03/2021 08:53

Hardly any. But I am not a hobby person. I find my work genuinely really interesting and intellectually satisfying so, in a way, that takes its place.

Post pandemic, I would like to get more time out to spend with friends and generally just to chill out on my own. I occasionally take a day off just to potter around and read books etc

DH similar except that he goes for a run every weekend

Weepingwillows12 · 18/03/2021 09:04

I would have said hardly any pre covid or when kids were younger but working from home has reduced commute times and allowed me and Dh to be more flexible. My kids are 5 and 7 now.

I tend to do one exercise video at home out of the way in the evening when kids are eating which does often get interrupted. I also use my lunch break for walks and often do a longer walk at the weekends (sometimes with family usually without). I imagine weekend flexibility will reduce as kids sports pick back up though but I fully intend to try and schedule me time around it as I have felt the benefit.

Dh has very little time away from the family but that's entirely his choice as he cant be bothered to do running at the mo. When golf opens I expect he will do that a couple of times a month.

What I don't often get is time alone in the house which I sometimes crave being a massive introvert. Hoping as restrictions lift I can encourage visits to pil without me or boys camping trips!

HappydaysArehere · 18/03/2021 09:05

@alpenguin

None. I don’t even get to poo without an audience
That made me laugh out loud. I remember things being like that. I also remember my mum telling me that I was like a shadow and she couldn’t even go to the toilet by herself. Thanks for the image. It’s brightened my morning.
Twilightstarbright · 18/03/2021 09:12

I'll preface by saying we are living somewhere with very few COVID restrictions.

We have one three yo. One day at the weekend I'll go to the gym and DH will go on the other one. DS has a birthday party so I'll take him and DH has the afternoon to do what he wants. I'm out with friends on Saturday night and DH went out with his mates last weekend. No family and trying to find a babysitter so can't go out together in the evening. But it feels broadly equal in terms of free time.

I can't have any more children but I conceed that it's a lot easier to have me time with one child.

WaterBottle123 · 18/03/2021 09:28

@ChameleonClara

Well to clarify, 'as much time as we want or need' isn't that much because we like doing things as a family. No set limits, we just balance everyone's needs.

And I do think a lot of kids today don't get the right messages from mothers in particular about balance as we see so many mums (many on this thread) announcing they have zero time for themselves. So there is a risk these kids grow up a little selfish, if their own wants have always been completely prioritised. For example- on the occasion when I do take a weekend day to meet friends in London the kids will whinge. But I point out they see their friends all week, so why would they deny me 1 day?

Then they have a lovely day with DP and all is well. Too many of my female friends in particular are incapable of putting themselves first and it makes me sad.