Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Any punishment for this?

58 replies

Thurlow · 14/03/2021 18:49

Genuinely at a loss what to do.

9yo DD is extremely careless most of the time. Doesn't pay attention to her surroundings, knocks things over, drops things, stuff like that. Compounded by living in her own world and barely listening to people half the time. Most of it I know is her age, and lockdown and all that.

Today she grabbed a glass from the table and knocked another half full one over, dripping water onto the floor. I snapped (not a great moment), she half heartedly dried it up.

We've just discovered that some of the water went on some magazines that DH had on the bench by the table. These are vintage magazines to do with a hobby, and so while they're not expensive, he had been pleased to get them and is upset some of them have been damaged(because they've sat in water for ages).

Now DH and I aren't blameless here - I should have checked better where the water went and of it was cleared up, and DH shouldn't have left them in such a place.

But it's also just another thing DD has managed to break or lose or damage by being careless.

Should there be any consequences? Like I said, I'm quite at a loss - I'm tempted to give her consequences to try and help her learn to pay more attention in life, but I'm not sure whether we should or what's right?

OP posts:

Yellowcar2 · 14/03/2021 18:56

To be honest this sounds like an accident. I know it might be frustrating when these accidents happen a lot but I couldn't punish one of my kids for accidentally knocking over glass. I might think differently if she was kicking a ball about inside and it happened but this sounds completely accidental.

Dogsaresomucheasier · 14/03/2021 19:03

It sounds like an accident, but I do understand your frustration and think you could probably try to help her get over this “awkward phase.” Does she know daddy’s magazines are spoilt and care? If she hadn’t offered a genuine apology for this I’d be removing something precious of hers/withholding pocket money to replace them.

Is she allowed to multi task, e.g. watching telly or reading while eating and drinking?
Does she have to sit at the table to eat and drink?

Making her clear up spills is good, too. Remember to praise though, when she does concentrate.

TeenMinusTests · 14/03/2021 19:10

Definitely carelessness and not motor skills / proprioception / dyspraxia issues?
I wouldn't punish for knocking over a glass of water if the water was in the 'right' place. I would only consider it if e.g. she had taken the water into a non-permitted room, or something similar.
Your DH needs to not keep valuable things near where the DC are permitted food/drink.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

TeenMinusTests · 14/03/2021 19:12

We had strong rules re food, drink, throwing things, etc when the DDs were younger. Good job too as DD1 turned out to have dyspraxia. We would have had way more accidents otherwise!

stegosaurus12 · 14/03/2021 19:12

It sounds like a complete accident to be honest, it would be mean to punish.

DelurkingAJ · 14/03/2021 19:13

DS1 is 8 and a dreamer. He accidentally spilt Ribena recently (on the leather sofa and we have wooden floors so not an utter disaster)...natural consequence is that Ribena is now only available in the kitchen. Might something similar be appropriate...not a punishment so much as a withdrawal of a privilege?

Zarinea · 14/03/2021 19:15

My mum used to shout at me when I did stuff like this. But I really couldn’t help it and I’m still clumsy, I suspect I’m dyspraxic.

It’s soul destroying being told off by someone who is supposed to love you for stuff that you can’t help, please don’t.

Hovverry · 14/03/2021 19:18

Punishment for spilling a drink? How about beating her, locking her in her room for a week, taking away whatever she most likes?
I hope you never get a puppy if you overreact this way with a young child.

PanamaPattie · 14/03/2021 19:22

No punishment. It's an accident. Snapping at her will make her more likely to drop things. Does she need glasses?

ForeverBubblegum · 14/03/2021 19:26

An accident is an accident, no matter what the effect. Maybe your DH can keep his magazines in a folder or something if he wants to keep them in good condition.

SchoolMarks · 14/03/2021 19:29

I have a 9 year old. I wouldn’t punish if it was somewhere she was allowed to have water. (Sounds like it was). I’d make her help clear up and remind about being careful when leaning across the table. Has she helped dry the magazines?

Has she asked about replacing it? DC broke one of DH’s coffee mugs and the first thing they asked me when he left the room was if they could give him one for his birthday.

Original poster

Thurlow · 14/03/2021 19:35

Thanks all. The drink was in a reasonable place, and I agree that DH needs to take some responsibility for leaving things there (that's a whole other story...)

She's not dyspraxic, and doesn't need glasses, though I will keep an eye. It's generally just not paying attention to anything, which for me is getting so incredibly frustrating because it's so frequent, and she constantly is on the hunt for something she has mislaid or realising she's lost something. I'll practice taking more deep breaths Interesting how I rode out toddler tantrums without being frustrated but this stage is driving me bonkers!

She's apologetic and upset and has dried the magazines with the hairdryer and said a genuine sorry to her dad.

I think in struggling with finding the natural consequences at the moment - somehow it's never quite as straightforward as losing something of hers, or something that can't not be replaced.

More deep breathing and plenty of encouraging for remembering things and being careful it is!

OP posts:

DolphinDreams · 14/03/2021 19:51

But there had been a natural consequence- she feels horrible about it, and has done all she can to make up for her mistake (blow drying the magazines, apologising). Why would you want to punish further ?

user127819 · 14/03/2021 19:53

In this case, the natural consequence is hurting someone she loves and feeling upset about that, which she is experiencing. It would be more difficult if she didn't care at all.

LemonRoses · 14/03/2021 19:56

Have you had her yesterday for dyspraxia? It sounds just like our eldest; she was forever knocking drinks over (amongst other things).
It’s certainly not a punishment issue.

hennaoj · 14/03/2021 19:59

Well would you punish an adult for having an accident? Of course not, so I don't get the reasoning behind punishing children for the same.

Doona · 14/03/2021 20:02

She's 9! Of course she's a bit careless. Every object of value in my house has already been stained, destroyed or lost, except 3 items which I keep on the kitchen high shelf. Like, go easy on her. Lockdown is so hard on kids

Tal45 · 14/03/2021 20:13

Sounds like possible dyspraxia to me, especially when accompanied with living in her own world and appearing not to listen, how do you know it's not? I have one diagnosed and suspect me and hubby are too.

Original poster

Thurlow · 14/03/2021 20:13

@user127819

In this case, the natural consequence is hurting someone she loves and feeling upset about that, which she is experiencing. It would be more difficult if she didn't care at all.

Thanks, I hadn't viewed it that way but that helps.

I know lockdown has been hard. Seems it's been hard on me too being with the children all the time We've all had cuddles and a nice bedtime, had a little chat about her trying to pay a bit more attention and Mummy stopping snapping and made a deal we will both try harder. (I'm not snappy all the time but I'm not above admitting that this age is proving a bit more difficult for me to naturally parent than some other ages) Nothing will be mentioned about it again and I'll start afresh tomorrow with a bit of lovebomb style encouragement for all the good things she does, of which there are many.

OP posts:

Defmy · 14/03/2021 20:23

You need to consider that she may have dyspraxia.

Be very careful. You do not want to look back with regret.

Defmy · 14/03/2021 20:24

I don't consider your comment "she's not dyspraxic" very convincing! How do you know?

Defmy · 14/03/2021 20:26

Also, it sounds like she has poor working memory. I think you're the one who needs to pay attention, the more you've the more I wonder.

Do not punish. Get an assessment.

Original poster

Thurlow · 14/03/2021 21:14

I appreciate your concern but she's not dyspraxic. She has a good friend who is, I'm familiar with many of the symptoms.

OP posts:

Lifeaintalwaysempty · 14/03/2021 21:19

Honestly OP She’s 9 give her a break. Accidents happen, especially with growing children. It should be DH you snap at for leaving his vintage magazines lying around on a bench next to a table waiting to get something spilt on them- now THAT is careless. And he’s an adult.

cansu · 14/03/2021 21:22

You sound v hard work. Unless she deliberately knocked it over, its an accident. Some people are clumsy. You know she is so be careful where nice stuff is kept. How you can punish someone for knocking over a glass of water is beyond me.

Flip

1 2 3