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Original poster

Any punishment for this?

58 replies

Thurlow · 14/03/2021 18:49

Genuinely at a loss what to do.

9yo DD is extremely careless most of the time. Doesn't pay attention to her surroundings, knocks things over, drops things, stuff like that. Compounded by living in her own world and barely listening to people half the time. Most of it I know is her age, and lockdown and all that.

Today she grabbed a glass from the table and knocked another half full one over, dripping water onto the floor. I snapped (not a great moment), she half heartedly dried it up.

We've just discovered that some of the water went on some magazines that DH had on the bench by the table. These are vintage magazines to do with a hobby, and so while they're not expensive, he had been pleased to get them and is upset some of them have been damaged(because they've sat in water for ages).

Now DH and I aren't blameless here - I should have checked better where the water went and of it was cleared up, and DH shouldn't have left them in such a place.

But it's also just another thing DD has managed to break or lose or damage by being careless.

Should there be any consequences? Like I said, I'm quite at a loss - I'm tempted to give her consequences to try and help her learn to pay more attention in life, but I'm not sure whether we should or what's right?

OP posts:
jennyfromthesock · 14/03/2021 21:22

Dyspraxia presents differently in different people so it's perfectly feasible for her to have dyspraxia and not be the same as her friend. Losing stuff, knocking things over etc ARE all signs as well as living in her own world, not being aware of surroundings, dropping things, not listening.

Ozziewoz · 14/03/2021 21:26

I'm really glad Dyspraxia has been raised. My son was very like this growing up. Literally a spilt drink daily, and far too many breaks to mention. Dyspraxia is a possibility, but also ADHD. Maybe watch some youtube clips on adhd as it is known today (not before). Girls can mask it better. Some children are so intent on doing what they are doing, that little else gets noted, ie a near by glass etc. My son constantly loses things, breaks things, forget things. It's so regular, it infuriates him, bless his heart.

CarlottaValdez · 14/03/2021 21:32

I was clumsy as a child and my mum wasn’t awful about it but she (and my dad) did a lot of huffing and exclaiming that I’d be more careful when it was my stuff getting broken.

Well I’m 41 now and break/ get spills on/ ruin my own stuff all the fucking time. In some sort of reverse karma my own DS is a very neat and careful child!

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Defmy · 14/03/2021 22:29

No you're not. You know how it looks in one other child. You're describing various symptoms without even realising. Get an assessment.

Defmy · 14/03/2021 22:32

If you have the wherewithal to start a thread, lose your cool, contemplate punishments and have cosy little chats, you're perfectly capable of recognising your own limitations and getting the poor child an expert appraisal. I think she needs one if only to dodge further poor responses at home.

OppsUpsSide · 14/03/2021 22:34

Completely agree with @Defmy

SnarkyBag · 14/03/2021 22:41

Poor little girl the way you’ve written her off as a thoughtless, clumsy daydreamer is really sad.

Maybe she isn’t dyspraxic but you could at least open up your mind to the idea that she might benefit from some help developing her body awareness and motor planning skills.

Easier to just snap and make her feel bad i suppose

Atla · 14/03/2021 22:44

I don't think you should punish her for this as it sounds like a total accident.

Have you considered she might have something like inattentive ADD (I'm not sure if that's the current name). I was very like that as a child and - although i have coping mechanisms- I constantly lose things, forget things, am clumsy, poor concentration. I'm worse at home as I have to work so hard to be on the ball at work.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 14/03/2021 23:14

It was an accident!

She's apologetic and upset and has dried the magazines with the hairdryer and said a genuine sorry to her dad

So, the consequence is that she understands that not taking care is sad and upsetting for people.

I don’t understand the obsession with ‘punishment’. What more di you want to gain from this?

Embracelife · 14/03/2021 23:21

It was an accident!
You don't punish accidents

Graphista · 15/03/2021 01:02

Dyspraxia is not the only condition that can cause "clumsiness"

Few questions:

Is she an early riser?

Does she struggle to get to sleep?

Does she seemingly wear through shoes and other clothes very quickly?

Is she prone to minor stomach upsets and mouth issues?

Does she have a good appetite but is naturally slim?

AlwaysLatte · 15/03/2021 01:08

It was an accident, and it was only water. Tbh I wouldn't put any books or magazines in a table that would have drinks on - accidents happen. And I wouldn't punish an accident, no - of course not.

starfish88 · 15/03/2021 02:38

Poor short term memory and being a daydreamer and forgetful can be a sign of dyspraxia too. I was assessed when I was at uni and they said my short term memory is poor but my longterm memory works hard to compensate so once I remember something it's there forever but if it doesn't convert then it's like I've forgotten totally, and because I have a good long term memory it looks like I could have remembered I just didn't care to but it's quite random what gets converted sometimes and I know loads of random useless trivia. Dyspraxia is really different for different people so it may be worth an assessment even if she presents differently to another dysoraxic child especially as girls tend to be very good at masking symptoms.

ChameleonClara · 15/03/2021 04:35

I think the fact you've decided it isn't dyspraxia when it could be isn't wholly reassuring.

Glad you didn't punish - you can't punish accidents as others have said.

Doona · 15/03/2021 05:24

I think the fact you've decided it isn't dyspraxia when it could be isn't wholly reassuring.

I feel like the mother, who lives with her child, is in a better place to make that assessment than Internet strangers who've never set eyes on her? Based on half a paragraph of text? Cmon.

TeenMinusTests · 15/03/2021 05:33

Sorry, I'm another one who says please revisit dyspraxia. it might well be 'just a phase' but don't rule it out just because her friend isn't the same.
As I said, my eldest DD has dyspraxia, but I also have a friend with DS who also has dyspraxia, but they do present differently.

DD

  • no body awareness, lots of knocks and accidents, especially when tired
  • handwriting hard, but legible
  • learned to swim and ride a bike & drive a car
  • some sensitivity to taste and texture
  • terrible organisation skills, poor essay planning
  • appears to 'not listen' but often it is 'can't process that first and I don't leave long enough gaps - needs to be twice as long as for others'

vs the friend

  • fine body awareness
  • competent at sport through practice, but never really got the hang of swimming or cycling
  • handwriting atrocious
  • strong sensitivity to taste and texture
  • OK organisation, excellent essay skills
TeenMinusTests · 15/03/2021 05:35

@Doona

I think the fact you've decided it isn't dyspraxia when it could be isn't wholly reassuring.

I feel like the mother, who lives with her child, is in a better place to make that assessment than Internet strangers who've never set eyes on her? Based on half a paragraph of text? Cmon.

It depends. The 'internet starngers' may have experience of a similarly presenting child who later was assessed as having dyspraxia.

No one is saying that this DC does have dyspraxia, they are saying please don't rule it out too quickly, especially if that is being done based on how a friend present.

idontfeelwelltoday · 15/03/2021 05:44

I'm an undiagnosed dyspraxic adult who has been at the receiving end of similar things for all her life by parents and now by her husband (who knows, is aware but on random moments loses the plot).

I'm severely depressed.

Don't do it.

IHaveBrilloHair · 15/03/2021 05:53

I was told many times that Dd did not have ASD.
She does, she has PDA.
Anyway, on a more practical level, could you use sports bottles for drinks?
I have to, not because of Dd, because of my stupid numpty cats!

lovelilies · 15/03/2021 06:18

I have ADHD which wasn't diagnosed until adulthood.
I was the clumsy daydreamer. Pretty typical traits in girls/women.
My mum always told me off for not being more careful/ paying attention. I didn't do it on purpose!
Have a look at ADHD signs in girls- you may be surprised.

lovelilies · 15/03/2021 06:19

So no, don't punish her. Try and minimise the things she can damage by accident, talk to her about how she can manage it also.
But don't 'tell her off' I doubt she's doing it on purpose.

CreosoteQueen · 15/03/2021 06:25

No, you shouldn’t punish an accident. You wouldn’t expect an adult to be punished for knocking over a glass of water so why would you do so to a child?

Goldenbear · 15/03/2021 07:00

I have a 9 year old who can be a clumsy, I think you are being unfair. It sounds like you have things lying about, things are bound to be damaged, broken etc if the place is messy. You should apologise to her for making her feel guilty. Your husband should tidy up.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/03/2021 09:27

Maybe get her Assessed for dyslraxia just in case , 2 cases are not always the same

Gingernaut · 15/03/2021 09:34

ADD? She forgets where she puts things, always losing stuff and many symptoms overlap with dyslexia, dyscalculia and dyspraxia

You DH seems to be a bit lackadaisical as well.

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